Let me be clear: when to sleep train is a personal choice that’s heavily dependent on a lot of unique factors. There is no age when all parents “should” sleep train, and while there are sleep training windows that tend to be better for sleep training, and help the process move along smoothly, we always caution parents not to feel pressured to sleep coach during or by a certain time frame.
That said – we hear almost daily from parents who are beyond exhausted, whose families are losing precious sleep, whose nerves are fraying, whose work performance is suffering – and who are putting off sleep training. And most of the time, their reasons for putting it off are something along these lines:
- I don’t even know how or where to begin!
- I don’t have the energy to sleep train…I’m just too tired.
- I already know it won’t go well; my child just isn’t a “good” sleeper.
Well, we’ve learned from experience that sometimes, parents who are stalling on sleep training (even though they are incredibly tired and sleep-deprived!) simply need a pep talk to get them going. And that’s just what we’re providing today! Read on for 5 reasons it’s time to stop putting off sleep coaching, and start working on sleep today.
5 Reasons To Stop Putting Off Sleep Training TODAY
- There is no “perfect time” for sleep training.
- The first step is always the hardest to take – but once it’s done, it tends to get easier!
- Being “too tired” to sleep train is precisely the reason you SHOULD sleep train!
- There are many ways to help your child learn to sleep – which means there is a sleep training method that will work for you.
- Sleep training is not one of those things that gets easier with time….in fact, for many families, the opposite is true.
Our consultants have talked with sooooo many parents who are putting off sleep training because they are waiting for the right time. Waiting for the 4 month sleep regression to pass, waiting for their baby to start solids, waiting until a bout of teething is over, etc. But here’s the thing: in general, the “perfect” time to sleep train is right now! Sure, you want to hold off on sleep training if your child is ill, or if you have a vacation coming up, or a big transition (like moving to a new house). However, if you have a few weeks where you’ll be staying at home and not having many schedule interruptions, and if your child is healthy, then guess what? That’s a great time to sleep train!
We hear from many, many parents that they are itching to sleep train, but that they don’t know where to start. Should they start working on bedtime and naps at the same time? What time of day is best to begin? Should they start on a weekday, or over the weekend? What kind of sleep training method is best for them? How can they know if their plan is working or not? These are such good questions, but they can feel daunting when you’re a tired parent who’s trying to map out a sleep training plan. Fortunately, we have a team of expert consultants standing by who specialize in helping tired families get started with their Personalized Sleep Plan™. We’ve also had a lot of overwhelmed parents find great success with our Express Sleep Plan™ – it’s a budget-friendly sleep plan that’ll tell you exactly how to get started with sleep training, and provide you with step-by-step daily instructions.
This really becomes a circular, chicken-and-egg sort of issue: being exhausted and sleep-deprived makes you realize you should really work on sleep training, but that all that stored-up tiredness makes you feel too worn out to sleep train! But here’s the thing to remember: the fact that you’re super-tired is a great indicator that you should sleep train 😉 What Nicole usually recommends is that you and your family catch up on sleep as best you can for a few days, so that you have a well-rested start to sleep coaching. That way, you have an energized start to the process. You can read this post about 5 things to do before you start sleep training for more details.
So many parents we hear from tell us that the #1 reason they put off sleep training is because they assume that sleep training = crying. That’s understandable; no one wants to listen to their child wail for hours! But this is actually a really unfortunate myth. The truth is, there are many, many ways to approach sleep training – and many of those approaches involve minimal crying.
There are a lot of things that get easier as your child gets older. Once your child can dress himself, brush his own teeth, feed himself breakfast, and buckle himself into the car, your morning looks a whole lot calmer and more relaxed! But unfortunately, sleep training is not something that gets easier with time, for most people. Why? Because sleep habits become entrenched as your child grows, so the baby who gets accustomed to being rocked to sleep becomes the toddler who firmly believes the only way TO fall asleep is being rocked! Add to this the fact that toddlers are generally stubborn little cuties who exert their new-found will and opinions with surprising conviction, and you have a toddler with some troubling sleep associations who absolutely, plainly, without-a-doubt refuses to sleep any other way. And that can make for some tough sleep training. That’s why we recommend sleep training before your child is 12 months old; it’s simply because negative sleep associations are easier to overcome during babyhood.
BONUS: Okay, so this is technically a sixth reason – but we couldn’t end the article without including it! Here it is: many, many parents are stunned at just how capable their children are of sleeping soundly and napping well…and we bet you will be one of them! I wanted to end with this one, because it’s encouraging. 🙂 Time and time again, we hear from parents who believe that because their child has never slept well, that means that their child can’t sleep well. They are convinced that putting their child to sleep drowsy, but awake is wasted effort, because their children aren’t capable of self-soothing and falling asleep independently. But you know what? Happily, these parents are almost always proven wrong! Many of these parents tell us later that they were completely surprised at how quickly their child picked up new, healthy sleep habits. And I bet that your child is just the same; even if your little one isn’t showing any signs of knowing how to self-soothe and sleep well now, that doesn’t mean that she can’t. I’ll tell you what our consultants tell their clients: have faith in your child. Your baby or toddler is going to be capable of a lot of great things in her life – including building healthy sleep habits!
Melissa Allen says
My 4 month old nurses and goes to bed pretty easily, but I have to hold him til he is really asleep to lay him in his crib. Honestly it doesn’t take too long and he only wakes once at night to nurse and go back to bed. But nap time is difficult. He has to be held the entire time and lately he is even fighting that. But every where I see it says to sleep train at night first. Thoughts? Should I put him to bed awake and sleep train him at night first then go to naps?
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Melissa Allen, thanks for writing! I am sorry you’re struggling with your son’s sleep association to being held for his sleep. I am glad it’s not giving you too much trouble at night but I’m sure you’re ready for some hands free nap times. All parents approach sleep training differently, but yes many do start with bedtime. Since bedtime isn’t horrible for you and you’d rather start with naps, I say give it a try! Nap time and night time sleep come from different parts of the brain, which is why there can be one area of sleep that’s good, and another that isn’t working out. We have a free guide available to download with nap tips that may help you as you move forward: https://www.babysleepsite.com/free-baby-nap-guide/
I hope that helps!
Saeedeh says
Hi there. Great article 🙂
I slept train my baby from 2-3 months ago, first her night sleep and lately her naps. She coped very well and now our routine is like Feeding, reading/bath, rocking to get sleepy and then leaving her to sleep.
My first question is: Is this rocking section necessary? Shouldn’t we get rid of it at some point?
Second, Although our normal life became suuuuper easier after sleep training, I don’t get it how is it helpful when we travel when there is such a routine. I mean how is she going to sleep in trains and airplanes? Do we need to rock her or what about when we can’t have bath routine?
What about when we go on a vacation and we want to stay outside till midnight but baby wants to sleep around 6-7?
These are very important questions for us that are making us not to go on vacations as we are afraid she’s going to lose her ability to self-sleep.
After sleep training now I can cook proper food for her and feed her on time and she receives it muuuuch better. I can study when she’s asleep and we play energetically when she’s awake.
Danielle says
Hi Saeedeh,
Thank you for visiting The Baby Sleep Site – I’m glad the article was helpful! It’s great sleep training has helped your family, but I absolutely hear that it can be tough to keep to the routine every single day. One option might be to start phasing out pieces of the routine that would be hard during travel, like, as you mention, the rocking, or maybe not doing a bath every night. You don’t mention your baby’s age, but many babies can be somewhat flexible with the schedule during vacation, and then you just go right back to your “usual” routine once you get back. We have an article with some tips to help here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-naps-2/baby-toddler-nap-travel-tips/
You might just have to try and see how it goes – your baby might surprise you 🙂 Good luck!
Saeedeh says
Thank you Danielle for your tips. My baby girl is 11 months old 🙂 I omitted the bath and she is fine with it, but I think no rocking is still a little early as it takes her almost 15 minutes to fall asleep if I don’t rock her, however, she doesn’t cry just moving around in her bed till she falls asleep. And thank you for the article you mentioned, I was looking for such an article all over the web.
Amanda says
Hi! My son will be 4 months old in 6 days and I want to start sleep training. The only thing is that we go on vacation in 5 weeks. Should I start sleep training him now, or wait until we get back? I am afraid if I don’t train him now, he won’t sleep on vacation. I’m also concerned he still might be too young. Help! Thanks.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Amanda – hmmm…good question! 5 weeks is usually plenty of time to see at least some improvement in sleep; additionally, its a long time to wait! It might be good to start working on making schedule changes as necessary (you can see sample schedules here), and to gradually begin weaning away from sleep associations (you can ready more about sleep associations here). Also, if you want some extra guidance and help with sleep coaching, you can consider our Express Sleep Plan; it’s budget-friendly and available instantly, and will give you a comprehensive sleep coaching plan that you can put to work right away!
nikki says
How do I know if our son needs sleep training? He’s 14 months old and still wakes up 1 time a night (occasionally 2 times but 1 is more common) and wants to nurse. He’ll get a good feeding in and then go right back to sleep. He’s in bed for about 12 hours and takes 2 good naps during the day. We’d LOVE it if he didn’t wake up at night, but having him CIO for hours at a time is miserable for all of us, including our 3 year old. Is waking up at this age normal? Thanks!
Emily DeJeu says
@ nikki – great question! I’d say that if the 1-2 night wakings per night don’t really bother you, and if (as you say) he wakes, eats, and goes right back down, then there really may not be a “problem” to fix here. If you do want to make a change, though, I’d say that the focus for you will be more on night weaning than on sleep training. If your son can already go back to sleep on his own, they you don’t really need to sleep train; you just need to phase out that night feeding via night weaning.
We have a cool quiz here that will help you determine if it’s time to night wean: https://www.babysleepsite.com/night-weaning-2/night-weaning-quiz/. We also include some other great night weaning resources there, that you may want to check out. Additionally, if you want better insight into HOW to night wean, you could consider becoming a member (https://www.babysleepsite.com/diy/#membership); we have an in-depth article that explains exactly how to use fixed and fluid night weaning schedules to phase out night feedings.
Hope this helps, Nikki! Thanks for commenting 😉