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If you are just joining us, you may want to start with Part 1 of this baby sleep training series.
In this final part of the series, I am going to share my story. I’m doing this for a couple of reasons. First, I want you to get to know me and my story, so I’m not just some name on the internet claiming to have gone through something similar to what you might be going through. I want you to know you aren’t alone. Sure, I suppose, I could be making up my story, but believe me I wish I were, but I’m not. LOL 😀 Second, I want to tell you my story because it shows that “experts” don’t have all the answers. You know your baby best! And, away we go!
Sleep Training My First Son
Donovan (in photo above), my eldest son, is a spirited child. He was high-needs basically from the beginning. He needed a LOT of soothing, whether it was me nursing, rocking, or holding him or my husband rocking him or walking him around (and he never took a pacifier – we must have tried 20 of them!). But, thankfully, he was not colicky. He didn’t cry a lot unless he was tired and we weren’t walking, rocking, nursing, etc. He was and still is very sensitive to becoming overtired. I/we had to watch him like a hawk to see if it was time to sleep again. Once he was overtired, it was much harder to get him to sleep.
Around 6 weeks old it was taking me upwards of 2-3 hours to put him to bed at night. I am NOT exaggerating. I would rock him and put him down ever so gently and he’d wake right up and I’d start alllll over! It was so exhausting. After I’d finally get him down, I’d start all over 1-2 hours later when he woke up again.
Of course, now I know about sleep associations and why he was doing that. At 8 weeks old, I went back to work and simply could not keep up, so we started co-sleeping, something I never planned to do. I knew it worked for other people, but just wasn’t what I planned or wanted. But, it got us both more sleep…sorta. Since he had to nurse every 1-2 hours, he had to sleep with me and I was so fearful of rolling on him or my husband covering him with covers that I really didn’t sleep well, not to mention it wasn’t always so easy for me to go back to sleep after he nursed (and I never got good at nursing on the other side without physically switching sides! LOL). Anyway, it was better than what I was doing before, though.
Fast forward 8 weeks and he was 4 months old. I was getting depressed going to bed every night at 7 pm and never seeing my husband that I had to do something to transition him back to his crib, where he originally started.
I needed to formulate a plan, but I didn’t just want to put him in a room to cry when I had been sleeping with him every night. I didn’t think that was fair. So, first I used the method I described in Part 2 of this sleep training series. The first night, it took TWO LONG HOURS and was very frustrating for both of us. He surprisingly didn’t cry too much, either. He took to sucking on my sheet to soothe himself. The next night it took another TWO LONG HOURS. Ugh. But, by night 3 he did it in just 20 minutes and then the 4th night in the crib with NO CRYING! I was ecstatic!!
But…a week later he decided he didn’t like this arrangement. 🙁 He had a revolt. LOL I had given him a light receiving blanket that I slept on to suck on, but by the end of the week, I guess it just wasn’t enough. So, at that point, my husband and I decided to let him cry-it-out. At this point we knew he could do it and we decided he was protesting the change (like he’s done for other things for years now LOL). It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. No mother plans on letting their baby cry to learn how to sleep. I made myself a mantra to get through it and reminded myself why I was doing it. As I said, he’s spirited, so he didn’t cry just 5 minutes and then sleep through the night like some books want to make it seem! But, we got through it in just 4 nights and on the 5th he went to sleep with NO CRYING.
I only focused on bedtime, at this point, and promptly responded to all other wakings. Thankfully, after he learned to fall asleep AT bedtime, he could go BACK to sleep throughout the night during sleep transitions. He still woke to eat twice until he was 7 1/2 months old and then he only woke once until I tried to night-wean at 8 1/2 months. Even though the “experts” will tell you babies don’t need to eat at night after a certain age/weight/whatever, he continued to wake in the 5 o’clock hour 3-4 times per week for a feeding. I tried to extend him but decided it was just best for both of us to continue to nurse and put him back down for 1-2 hours up until he was a little over a year old when he stopped waking on his own. But, even then it was difficult for him to go 12 hours without food and he’d want breakfast immediately upon waking. All babies are different in this regard. Heck, I know some adults would have trouble with going 12 hours without food! :p
Alas, sleep training was not a cure-all for us but it did make things 10 times better. We had many many ups and downs after that. He would slip back into bad habits and all of a sudden I’d find myself rocking him for an hour again. 🙁 I don’t know how it would happen, but I suppose it was during a teething episode, illness, etc. and things would just start to unravel again and we’d have to let him cry-it-out again. Some might say that this means cry-it-out didn’t work, but I don’t regret my decision one bit…EVER. It *was* our only option. We had tried everything else and it would land us in a big abyss of not-enough-sleep-for-any-of-us and when he didn’t get enough sleep, he was a BEAR! It wasn’t good for him. It wasn’t worth it for me to rock him for an hour to avoid 10 minutes of crying. That was robbing him of 50 more minutes of sleep and believe me, he needed it.
Nowadays, sleep is still ever-important in this house for him. He is still a bear if he doesn’t get enough sleep only now he whines more, cries more, and has more tantrums. I *know* that as he goes through life and goes to school, it will be IMPERATIVE that my husband and I get him adequate sleep or he will be one of the kids with behavior problems. I think many parents probably struggle with this and do not realize their child simply needs more sleep. I can imagine that if you haven’t really been able to tune into the relationship between sleep and behavior, you might miss it. I know the fact he is spirited
Of course, I need to mention that my sweet son is just that, too. He is much more challenging without enough sleep, but boy is he one of the brightest lights of my life! He is so smart (I’m not exaggerating LOL) and such a sweetheart giving me kisses and telling me he loves me and kissing his little brother and…I could go on and on. At one point he knew over 30 baby signs for communicating before he could talk, he could point to over 30 U.S. states when he was just over a year old, knew his ABC’s before he was 2, and so on. Allowing him to cry-it-out in no way damaged him or his self-esteem. He is still ever so strong-willed and negotiates EVERYTHING (I swear he will be a lawyer!). He still trusts us and loves us to pieces. 🙂
Sleep Training My Second Son
Nicholas (photo to the right) is my 2nd son and now just 4 months old. Completely different than Donovan. We haven’t had to do much with him and he has started to sleep well. You might think it’s because I know more this time. I disagree. I have not done things THAT much different with Nicholas. Because I seem to birth screamers (not fussers), when he came home from the hospital I had to hold him all night for at least 2-3 weeks. I sat upright on the couch while he laid on the boppy. He just couldn’t be set down much at all. Then, I just HAD to get off the couch, so what did I do? You guessed it. We started co-sleeping. That didn’t last long, because he was such a loud sleeper and even when he wasn’t awake, I’d reach over and pat his back probably waking him up. We moved him to s crib.
For a while, we still rocked him to sleep (and still do for naps, for now), but then we slowly stopped that and started letting him fall asleep on the boppy on our lap in the rocker and then eventually was able to just put him in the crib and he sucks on…yep…a light receiving blanket. Naps might be a different story, but overall, he’s simply learned how to soothe himself much easier than Donovan did. I really don’t take credit. He’s just different (and not as sensitive to over-tiredness). Pure and simple. And, that’s why those with “easy” babies won’t ever understand how someone like me could allow my son to cry or how some people would find it strange to even have a whole website dedicated to sleep for babies. It’s simply not easy for all babies!
I hope sharing my story has given others either a) hope that they can also have a good sleeper, b) strength to make a change, c) comfort they are not alone, or d) all of the above. There really isn’t just one way to help your child sleep better. There really isn’t a “right” method for all of us. We all must find what works for our personalities and for our children’s temperament. I hope you can find information on this website to do just that.
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For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
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For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
Learn More About The 3-Step System
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
Learn More About Mastering Naps
For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.
Learn More About The 5-Step System
Join our VIP Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, and more. As a VIP member, you'll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant.
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iasbel says
I previously posted a comment and I just want to add that I am back at sleep training.. After 10 days of crying seeing no improvement… I put my son back in my bed for 10 days, last night we started again.. My nighttime routine is feeding oatmeal.. 15 min later a bath, then nursing till asleep or drowsy, put baby in crib.. he cried for about 10 min then my husband went in picked him up, comforted him for 5 min, put him back in crib, he cried for about 5 minutes ( I was crying the entire time), then went to sleep for 9 hours straight. If anyone would like to discuss this my email is twilight19_77[at]yahoo[dot]com, espcailly Fairuz, your story sound like mine!
Nicole says
@isabel (((HUGS))) I hope you have seen a lot of improvement and things continue to go well. Good luck! (Note: I reformatted your email address because there are “bots” that comb web pages just looking for e-mail addresses for spam, so don’t put your email address in comments without reformatting)
Jeanine says
Hi
Great information. Thanks for telling your story. My baby has not been an easy sleeper. I am still grappling with how to get her off my breast for naps and she is 11 mos old! I wish I had this website at the time of sleep training her nighttime sleep.
My baby was an all night nurser and had to be weaned from that before I could actually have her fall asleep on her own in my bed.
I finally got her to sleep in her own crib, after I happened to do your #2 method, I had to figure it out on my own. And then when she fell asleep in my bed I transfer her over to her crib. The first 2 nights she cried 8-11 times. I picked her up each time and soothed her back to sleep. She finally decided, I guess that it was too much trouble, me picking her up and decided to go back to sleep on her own! It took a couple months and now she is sleeping thru the night.
I need help on her naps, though. I have tried putting her down for naps after nursing but she wakes up after 45 mins and WILL NOT go back to sleep unless I put her back on my breast!
Nicole says
@Jeanine That’s great your daughter is now STTN! Keep working on those naps and I hope she gets it, soon!
Fairuz says
Thanks so much for this series of articles. My husband and I are about to try the Ferber method tonight on our 9 month old baby girl. I am very anxious about this because we have never let her cry for any length of time. We were taught (by the baby clinic we take her to) that letting them cry for any reason for any length of time is cruel. I feel so angry and is if i have been sold a pack o lies, as we have always taken the parenting high road, as it was sold to us – nursing on demand, co-sleeping, never letting her cry – and yet there has been no improvement in our baby’s sleep since she’s been born. She wakes about 5 times a night and often needs to be rocked back to sleep. We are rocking her now because I have just recently stopped breastfeeding her – i would nurse her back to sleep before. i am just so drained and really began resenting parenting because i stumble through my days in a sleep-deprived haze, but feel so hopeful now that i have been convinced that we are not the cruelest parents in the history of parenting to try and teach our baby to fall asleep on her own. i cant tell you the new lease on life i have just at the idea that we have a plan to get out of the abyss that has been my nightmare. i realise it might now work and if ferber’s method proves too traumatising for her and us, we will try the gentler approaches. at this stage, though, i just want to get it over with and i cant bear the idea of doing this for weeks on end. sp the idea of a week seems more manageable. to other parents out there, i just want to add that we have also been advise to up our baby’s protein intake and in one week we have already seen a difference – from her waking 5 times a night to waking 3 times. I am very anxious but excited that our lives could be different too! No longer will i be a martyr and do what is the ‘kind’ and ‘right’ thing – right for who?? If i am a zombie and all we spend our weekends doing is catching up on sleep, that is no quality of life and our baby does not have the best parents we could be. I refuse to sacrifice everything to parent in a way that is completely not necessary. Thank you for helping feel more validated and easing my conscience that I am a bad mother for wanting more than 2 hours sleep at a time. Wish us luck!
Nicole says
@Fairuz (((HUGS))) I’m so sorry you’ve been through a lot. I hope you guys are in a better place now and if you haven’t started, good luck!
Isabel says
I am going through the same thing with my 8 month old. We co-slept until 2 wks ago. All night nursing was driving me crazy ( being a human pacifier), so I decided to let him CIO. When I tried Furber method, he would get more angry when I would check on him, so that wasn’t going to work. I already knew that no matter how long I rocked him or held him asleep, he would cry when I put him down, so I knew this option was coming. The first 5-6 days it seemed to be working, but on the 7th night, by husband had to put him down, and he did it 15 too early. SInce then it has went down hill. He still takes naps in my bed, arms or stroller, so I don’t know if that confuses him (he naps 1/2 hr every 2 hrs). I am going to take 4 nights off and try again. Do you have a specific guidline or routine you could offer??? I would REALLY appreciate it. thanks
Nicole says
@Isabel I’m sorry things have been rough. Day and night sleep are handled by different parts of the brain, so it is fine that you do things differently. I would need to know more of your specific situation to give you more specific advice, but I do offer a step-by-step approach in my e-Book, if you’re interested. Good luck!
Nicole says
@Julie Thank you for writing! Nap training at this young age is usually pretty difficult for many babies. The last nap of the afternoon is considered “optional” and therefore, it is OK that it is in the stroller/pushchair, so that is just fine. 🙂 Good luck!
Julie Loh says
We tried the CIO method with my then 3 month old as I was tired from having to spend 1-2 hours each night rocking him to sleep. The first week was tough listening to him cry but it did work – he has learnt to sleep by himself and can self sooth himself back to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night. However, every so often we would have an “off” night with about 30 minutes of crying but now 4 weeks after starting it, he has gone to bed the last 3 nights without any crying. He certainly doesn’t seem to be any the worse for having gone through the experience – in fact he wakes up happy every morning. Afternoon nap time however, is still a challenge. There are days when he goes down easily and other times when there is a lot of protesting. I am not as sure about using CIO also for nap time and sometimes resort to taking him out in the afternoon in the pushchair. Is this lack of consistency in the afternoon causing the problem? What would you advise for nap time?
Nicole says
@Alicia Thank you for your comment. Good luck!!!
Alicia says
Thank you for this article, it was helpful and gives me some ideas to work on getting my daughter to sleep through the night. We tried the Freeber and CIO methods, but she gets so upset she makes herself sick (literally). We have a strong bedtime routine, but have resorted to letting her fall asleep in her swing vs. bed. I’m going to try a mix of the fade and chair method to see if that works. Getting her to sleep at bedtime isn’t the problem, it’s the 4am wake up that is the issue. It takes me 1 to 2 hours to get her back to sleep. Wish me luck!
Nicole says
@Paula I’m so glad that my article helped, even if it was just to let others know they are not alone. I know that always helped me, too. Those with “easy” sleepers will never understand what we go through. NEVER. My 2nd son is still sleeping well and I, too, have a harder time letting him cry too much because he really is so good compared to my first son. We have had to let him fuss a bit to go down for his naps, etc. We re-settle him if he gets too worked up and so far that is enough for him. He certainly does not fight sleep as much as our first one! Thank you for commenting!
Nicoles last blog post..ADHD and Sleep
Paula says
Thank you so much for this article. My firstborn was exactly the same as your son and it is soooooo refreshing to hear another Mom with the same problems and solution I used. I got a lot of slack for letting her cry it out…and let me tell you, she cried one night for 7 hours straight!! She is extremely strong willed and is to this day. I just had my second and I’m trying the Baby Wise method. Her temperment is a lot different from my first and I have a harder time letting her cry as long…I’m hoping to gain some of my “cold heartedness” to be able to let her cry it out. Just sooo worn out from my oldest and the thought of going thru another 2 1/2 years…yes she just FINALLY started sleeping thru the night, makes me want to cry. Again it’s so nice to know other people out there have the same issues as we did and not taking the blame as just a “new mom not knowing what you were doing”…I got that a lot too. “Oh it’s just your first…you always screw up your first.” People just really have no CLUE what it’s like to have a kid that JUST WONT SLEEP!! Hope your second is still sleeping well…