Cry It Out is a sleep training method that gives babies space to learn how to sleep in longer stretches at night and take longer naps, but at what age to try it? Cry It Out is also called Extinction or Controlled Crying and there are a variety of ways to implement it. In this post, you will learn more about this method, what age to consider trying it, and how to do it safely.
Cry It Out Defined
First, let me define what I mean by “Cry It Out” because in my 10+ years as a sleep consultant, I’ve learned that it means different things to different people.
What Cry It Out Isn’t
- Cry It Out is NOT a replacement for feeding when baby is at an age they cannot comfortably sleep all night without food.
- Cry It Out is NOT meant to be used when baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
- Cry It Out DOES NOT mean putting your baby into a room, closing the door, and ignoring baby forever and ever.
- Cry It Out is NOT a replacement for parenting when baby truly needs it at any age.
What Cry It Out IS
- Cry It Out is a sleep training method to break unwanted sleep associations.
- Cry It Out is setting limits on what you will and won’t allow your baby to do (at nap time, all night, etc.).
- Cry It Out is giving your baby space to allow them to learn a new skill.
- Cry It Out helps your baby learn how to put sleep cycles together. We all wake between sleep cycles. The goal is for your baby to learn to put them together themself.
That’s it! Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night at a certain age or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do). Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).
The act of crying does nothing to teach your baby to sleep and it won’t change their personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find their own way to fall asleep and allowing them to cry out frustrations about not being able to get put to sleep in the way they’ve become accustomed to. None of us get better at something without practice.
OF COURSE, some parents can nurse all night and it works great for them. Others can rock their baby for 10 minutes and their baby sleeps all night. But, many of us are simply NOT that lucky. If the baby cried being in the car seat, would you take them out while driving because they were crying?
It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right? But, at what age can you try it?
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Cry It Out Age For Babies and Toddlers
So, what’s the right age to allow a baby to cry it out? Once again, this answer will vary. I try to empower parents here on this site. You know your baby best! The average age for Cry It Out is 4 to 6 months old or older. Let’s explore further.
At some point, you know that your baby is capable of putting themself to sleep but prefers you to rock, bounce, breastfeed, give them a bottle, etc. them to sleep. There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now they simply WANT it. That is the key to finding the “right” time. You are simply at your wit’s end and just can’t do “it” anymore.
Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow your baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less. And, you can do that at any age even as young as 2 to 3 months of age.
The ideal age for formal sleep training such as Cry It Out is usually before your baby can sit up and stand since that tends to complicate things, but we work with babies and toddlers at a variety of ages up through 3-4 years old. It’s never too late to establish healthy sleep habits!
Cry It Out Age: Minimum to Try
If you are going to use Cry It Out, I recommend your baby is at least 4 to 6 months old and when it’s time to stop swaddling. You do NOT, however, have to night-wean at the same time. There are right and wrong ways to do Cry It Out.
Cry It Out Age: Newborns
If your baby is younger, we outline newborn-friendly sleep coaching strategies, including sample sleep-inducing routines, in our e-book, Essential Keys To Your Newborn’s Sleep. In addition, we offer special newborn-focused Personalized Sleep Plans® that are tailored to guide your newborn to better sleep in a gentle, safe way.
If you have a toddler, while Cry It Out is possible, there are some toddler sleep training strategies that can work a bit better.
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Cry It Out How To
There are NUMEROUS variations to the Cry It Out Method but here’s the most common way to do it and how we recommend if you are implementing Extinction:
- Do your Bedtime Routine.
- Establish a distinct end to your routine (a keyphrase, specific song or prayer, etc.)
- Put your baby down in their crib.
- Leave the room.
- Listen intently on the monitor until your baby goes to sleep.
- Sleep!
If you are doing this at nap time, set a time limit (e.g. 60 minutes) and then take a break. If you are doing this at bedtime, there usually isn’t a limit but this is your baby and we highly recommend you personalize the experience. That’s why we make Personalized Sleep Plans for families every single day. In our opinion, there is no one-size-fits-all approach for unique babies.
How Much Crying Is Too Long?
On average, most families with which we work who do Cry It Out have babies who cry 30-45 minutes in one stretch. However, it’s not uncommon for some babies to cry 1-2 hours during the height of sleep training. In some cases, babies become hoarse from crying for a long time. When Cry It Out works and is the right strategy for the baby, most people will be “done” within 3 to 7 days with the longest crying periods the first 3 to 4 nights. Keep in mind that your baby’s age and baby’s temperament will be big influences on how any sleep training will go no matter what method you use!
Cry It Out Age: Tips and Considerations
Here are a few tips and considerations as you embark on this journey to better sleep:
- Get Your Doctor’s Clearance – You should ensure your baby does not have any health problems by visiting her pediatrician before starting any formal sleep training method such as Cry-It-Out. If your baby changes sleep patterns abruptly, it can be an ear infection or reflux, or another issue, so those should be ruled out, first. Generally, if your baby has had “sleep problems” for several weeks/months and there have not been health issues, that is when you may want to consider the Cry-It-Out Method. As long as your baby is healthy, sleep training is safe.
- Make A PLAN to follow – Knowing how you will approach the sleep training process ahead of time can help you feel confident and, most importantly, remain consistent. Consistency is key! Will you work on nights, naps, or both? How will you handle it if your baby has been crying for “too long?” Parents who send confusing messages to their babies tend to see crying increase rather than decrease.
- Unswaddle Your Baby – I never recommend allowing a baby to Cry It Out when they are still swaddled because babies need to find a way to self-soothe by finding their fingers/thumb.
- Check Your Child’s Schedule – There’s no worse feeling than letting your baby cry and realize you were trying naps or bedtime at the wrong time. No amount of crying will fix something else that’s wrong! Be sure to put your baby on an age-appropriate sleep and feeding schedule.
- Rule Out Other Reasons for Waking – There are many reasons a baby wakes up at night. Be sure to rule them out before you start sleep training. Here are 15 Reasons Why Babies Wake at Night to help you out.
- Consider Checks – Extinction and Cry It Out typically means you leave the room and let your baby cry until they fall asleep. When your baby cries for 10 minutes, this is much easier to do. If your baby is more persistent or spirited, you might want to consider The Ferber Method (aka Controlled Crying) where you go in to check on your baby.
- Consider Staying in the Room – Although the traditional method of Cry It Out is to leave the room, this can be challenging during a height of separation anxiety, for example. The Chair Method can be a nice alternative for babies going through a sleep regression or peak of separation anxiety.
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Meghann says
Hi. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 5 month old boy. 5 month old currently sleeps in our room and the 2 1/2 year old in her own room. Because of our house lay out they will need to share a room.
I’m starting to think about transitioning our son into the crib in the nursery, but am super worried that they will wake each other and no one will get any sleep.
So far my son is 10x better sleeper than our daughter. Our daughter still wakes up every now and again if she’s sick or decides to play (a totally different issue that we are dealing with and trying to teach her that this is wrong and if she wakes up in the middle of the night she needs to stay in bed until she goes back to sleep). She’s also a lighter sleeper so am afraid that when my son wakes up to eat that he will wake her up. I’m a pretty light sleeper myself so hoping that I will wake up and be able to grab him and get him out if he room to feed him in the living room before waking his sister.
Do you have any advice on transitioning him into the nursery? Right now he doesn’t have a very strict routine but is a super happy boy that goes with the flow and with his sister we have her schedule and he tends to nap sporadically during the day (I’d say 3-4times anywhere from an hour to hour and a half each time – usually around 9 am/12pm/3pm and will maybe nap around 5:30/6pm if he is very tired) and then at night goes down about 9pm and usually eats 2-3 times (usually 1am and 4am and he is exclusively breast fed) the 4 am feeding I’m usually so exhausted that if he doesn’t settle down right away I’ll bring him to bed with me and he will sleep next to me until about 6-6:30am and then nurse again at that time and then be up for the day).
As far as getting him down I usually get him changed/swaddled (lower half only as he is rolling and always hated having his arms restricted) by 8:30 and nurse him. He sometimes falls asleep but not always. One thing to note about him is that he doesn’t comfort nurse…. when he’s full he refuses the breast and wants his pacifier. from there I try to lay him down awake but drowsy but I usually end up picking him up after 3-5 min because he is crying. Tonight my 4th attempt to get him down his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily but wasn’t completely settled/asleep as his eyes opened slightly when I layed him down but then he fell asleep right away.
Is 5 months old too soon to try cry it out? Should I get him to fall asleep on his own before transitioning him or will I have to start all over again when I transition him to the crib since it will be a wider/newer sleep space to get used to? Should I do it on a weekend and have my daughter sleep at her grandparents house?
Sorry for the novel I just want to try to set us up for the best success and not screw this up! Thanks!
Janelle Reid says
@Meghann Thank you for using the Baby Sleep Site as a resource for sleep! Here is a link to a different article on our blog that contains some tips for room sharing and how to go about it: https://www.babysleepsite.com/siblings/sibling-room-sharing-tips/
Many parents begin sleep training as early as 4 months, so if you feel he is ready and there are no health concerns, you should be just fine starting. Here is a link to an article series we did on several sleep training methods (from no cry to cry it out): https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/
You may find it easiest to get him falling asleep on his own before transitioning him into the nursery so if he stirs in the night and does not need to feed, he has the skills he needs to put himself back to sleep without your help – this would likely make it easier on your daughter to not have extra visits from you in the room since you mentioned she is a light sleeper. I hope this helps! If you find you need additional support please look at our service packages, as our sleep consultants are experts at helping get 2 (or more!) kids into the same room and on a schedule that works together. You can view our packages on our website here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/services/
Jacob says
I disagree with this whole method. CIO is objectively not good for the baby. You are creating detatchment from the baby and yourself. In a sense you are telling the baby: ‘deal with being alone… get used to it… and after a certain amount of time they will but lets not pretend that this doesn’t carry with it emotional and psychological effects.
Danielle says
Hi Jacob,
Thanks for using The Baby Sleep Site as a resource! I hear your concerns about cry-it-out as a sleep training method. While it can be a great fit for some families, we rarely recommend this method right out of the gate with the families we work with, simply because there are many gentler methods to start with, as well as adjustments to the baby’s feeding, schedule, and environment that can make all of the difference in sleep. That’s why we customize all of our sleep plans based on the family’s needs. However, we also feel that a baby who is sleeping well consistently is, in the long term, going to be a happier and healthier individual than a baby who is not getting enough sleep for months at a time (especially if baby’s parents are not sleeping either). Sometimes, as parents, we make decisions that our kids don’t like because we know that there are long-term benefits that they can’t understand. For example, if we give in and a give them a cookie for dinner to avoid short term discomfort or tears, we’re potentially trading their future health and well-being. We think that it’s up to each family to make those kinds of decisions for themselves, to decide where the limits should be and how to set them.
Additionally, although we certainly have evidence that leaving a baby to cry for hours at a time, ignoring hunger cues, and ignoring sincere discomfort does cause lasting harm, the cry-it-out or extinction method should never allow any of that to occur, when approached properly. The American Academy of Pediatrics, for example, released a study last year showing no harm to parent-child attachment or heightened stress in infants in families who used the extinction method: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/Research-Findings-May-Help-Babies-and-Their-Parents-Sleep-Better-at-Night.aspx
I hope this helps, but please let us know if you have any questions, and thank you again for your comment!
Danielle says
This is a brilliant response. That is all I have to say! 🙂
Misty says
Help!! I have a beautiful 8.5 month old baby girl who does not sleep well at all! She wakes anywhere from 3-6 times a night. We have a good bedtime routine and she will generally go down ok at night. I am an exclusive pumper so she is breastfed and she also does really well with eating solids (she does baby-led-weaning) and has lots of fresh fruits, veggies and meats. She will usually only last 2 hours between waking up, when she wakes up the only thing that will put her back to sleep is a bottle. I know it’s probably teaching her that if she cries, she gets a bottle so we are reinforcing a bad habit but I have a very very very hard time letting her cry! She also has a terrible temper on her and will throw a HUGE fit if she doesn’t get her bottle! Any advice on weaning her from the bottle or other tips?
Stephanie says
My husband and I planned on using CIO before our daughter was even born. It was important to us that she develop the confidence and security to fall asleep on her own by self soothing. She coslept in our room in a bassinet until 3 months, at which point she started taking naps in her crib in her room. Her 1st full night in her crib in her room was at 4 months. She cried for about 18 minutes, then gradually less each night. By the end of the week she squealed and rolled over. We made sure that she was awake when we laid her in the crib by gently burping and kissing her goodnight. It’s definitely hard to hear your baby cry, but I knew she had a full belly, dry bottom, and comfy bed. And I knew that teaching her the art of sleep would be priceless to her health. My healthy and happy thriving 15 month old (who is still nursing) has been sleeping through the night since 6 months old, ode to 100% commitment to Sleep Training and CIO. Best advice I ever received and give!
Jennifer says
I have two girls, ages 10 and 11, and one boy who is 7 months old. We used the Ferber (check and console) method on both girls as infants. We were very consistent from the beginning (at 4 months with the oldest girl and at 3 months with the youngest girl). Both girls have been great sleepers since they were infants (after the sleep training). They are very affectionate, smart, HAPPY, and well-behaved. Giving them (and myself) the gift of sleep was one of the best decisions I made as a parent. In my opinion, my girls are more confident and independent because of it.
Shawna says
My spunky lil 6 month old baby is the happiest baby on the block. She is very socialable, hasn’t made strange once, and can play in another room or on the floor without complaining for an hour or so with me popping in an out.
She has been having issues sleeping since we got back from a trip a couple months ago. She’s been up on average every 2 hours and hasn’t been able to put herself to sleep anymore. I used to put her in her swing and she would fall asleep on her own. Everything I read so far tells me I’ve not been a great helper in that I was feeding her to sleep at night, rocking her, letting her fall asleep in the chair, not having a strict routine etc.
We tried a gentler sleep training method in where we let her cry while we are in the room. She goes balistic, crying, sweating profusely from working herself up. She then wont stop completely crying when we try to console her. During the day she became much less happy and much more tired from not sleeping. She also has gotten a little anxious when I leave the room, but not too bad.
We realized after we started the training that she was cutting 2 teeth, so we eased up a bit, but still kept our bedtime routine, but breast feed her to sleep. Now she is now more fussy and has more anxiety about going to sleep and seems to always need to be breastfeed to sleep. She usually doesn’t seem concerned about it until she was wants to go to sleep.
We want to start some kind of training again, but don’t know where to start..??
Mama Jo says
My son is now nearly 6 months and I had been thinking about the CIO method for a while. I would always hold my son almost all day everyday, co-sleep and nurse him to sleep. He would wake up nearly every 2-3 hours, and I was becoming so exhausted, to a point I literally broke down one night because I was just so tired. I felt I was no longer able to give my baby the best and everyday was literally all about meeting his basic need. I couldn’t concentrate on the fun side of parenting anf spending quality time with my son. I felt snappy and often unable to cope with the littlest things. Although it broke my heart to hear my baby cry, I decided to try it for the sake of my relationship with my son and my own sanity.
On the first night I let him cry it out for 3 minutes before I went in, and he cried even more when he saw me. Then I waited 5 minutes, then 10 , then 20, then after 30 minutes he fell asleep. This surprised me because I thought it would last hours. But I assume it is because earlier that day I had let him cry it out in the car seat until he fell alseep. (He had come to a point of not even wanting to be in his car seat for 2 minutes).
The next night was the same but he dropped off to sleep after 20 minutes. In total its taken a whole week, and it is NOT easy to hear your child cry, but now I feel I can be a better mum,. I put him to sleep for 8.30 now. He has a bath, story, cuddles, kisses and his milk and then I put him in his cot awake. Sometimes he complains but drops off after 10 minutes….
Its amazing how having those few hours to myself in the evening gives me the energy to actually have fun with my son. I read a book, clean, tidy, do random things online (lol), it just gives me some ‘me’ time and I love it!!
Day naps are a different story, he sleeps in a wrap on me but that is ok with me, its his dose of attachment parenting.
I do not know whether it will harm him in the future or not because I am not a doctor, all I know is right now it has served me and my son well because he is getting more sleep and sleeping through the night at times.
Bare in mind when he is sick, you will have to re-train, which is what I have had to do as he was a little sick.
Debbye says
@ Alisa: It has been almost 2 months, sorry about the delay in a response! I am sure your baby is sleeping differently by now! But just in case… No, standing by her crib and soothing her while not picking her up is not considered CIO. You are there for her and she knows you are there, and putting her down awake and staying with her till she is calm, or even staying until she is all the way to sleep is a good way to help her learn to fall asleep in the early months. I hope you are both doing well!
@ Jess: I am sure your son’s sleeping habits have changed a bit by now, and I understand that you do not want your older son woken up while the younger son learns to sleep better. If he is still not sleeping through the night, keep in mind that many 6 month babes do need to eat 1-2 in the night. Or if you are ready for some sleep training, perhaps you can start on a weekend, or a night where your older son can sleep over at a relatives or friends house for a night or two? This may get you through the first and possibly hardest nights. Hope all is well!
@ Jenn: I am sorry that it has been so long with no reply. I am sure that things have changed since your post, and really do hope that things have smoothed out by now! You can try to sleep train at night and not at naptime. Different parts of the brain handle each type of sleep, and usually you can work on one area at a time with success. It may make it feel less overwhelming to work on one at a time too. It is also common for babies to cry for 5-10 minutes before falling asleep at night, and this can continue for quite a while. If you are still struggling, since it would have been for a few months, I would recommend That you consider a sleep consultation package. Here is a link to services, and I do hope that you are sleeping well and do not need it!
https://www.babysleepsite.com/services
@ Mama Jo: Thank you for sharing your successes! I can not stress enough that every baby and every family is different, and you have to do what works for you, and baby!
Jenn says
Nicole,
I am so glad I have found this site! I have been struggling with my now 6 month baby girl since she was just under 3 months old. She is our first baby. For the first month of this struggle, bedtime was dreadful. We would start her routine around 7 or 8 at night, depending on her sleepy cues, then I would nurse her. She would fall asleep nursing and then I would place her in her crib asleep. Sometimes she would wake immediately, sometimes after 15-30 minutes, but she would always wake up and then would refuse to go back to sleep until 11pm or later. We would try to get her back to sleep during those few hours, knowing she was extremely tired because she was fussy and rubbing her eyes and crying sporadically throughout. But no matter what method of soothing we tried, she would not go to sleep. I nursed, rocked, bounced, even pushed her around the living room in her stroller. Nothing worked until sometime between 11pm and 12am I would again try to nurse her and she would fall asleep for the night and usually sleep straight until 7 or 8 with maybe one waking. Naps were barely existant except for one morning nap maybe and other naps only in my lap or her swing.
By her 4 month wellness visit, we were beyond exhaustion and frustration being up with her crying so late every night. We asked her pediatrician what to do and he told us she needed to learn to soothe herself and to let her CIO at night. He said put her to bed awake. He assured us it was not colic or any thing else physical, and merely a self-soothing issue, something I completely agree with. He also said to gradually bring her bedtime earlier, starting at 9 and eventually getting it where we wanted it. So that very night we did her routine like usual, I nursed her, and we put her in her crib awake. It was very hard for both of us to let her cry, but we knew it was for her good and our sanity. For that first week she cried each night for almost an hour, until falling asleep for the night. The second week she shortened her crying to about 30 minutes. Since then she still cries anywhere from 5 minutes to almost an hour, and I cannot see what makes the difference. We now start her routine at 7-7:30 and she is in bed around 8-8:30. We have tried moving it earlier but it seems to make it worse. She sometimes gets up once during night but usually sleeps straight through until 6 or 7. We have considered giving up on CIO since it has been 2 months and she is still crying every night, but when we think of the hours of her crying in our arms before we just can’t go back to that. I constantly read articles and books and blogs about people using CIO and their babies sleep training after a week or less, and I can’t understand where we are going wrong.
Oh, and there is her naps during the day. I tried letting her CIO for those too, but she would cry for a whole hour and then I would nurse her and she would fall asleep nursing. So I would put her in her crib and she sleep. Out of frustration, I started nursing her to sleep for her naps and have been doing this for about a month and she naps fairly well, 1.5 -2 hours in morning and 45min-1 hour in afternoon. But then I read somewhere that in order for CIO to work you need to be consistent, so I decided last week to try CIO again for her naps. I gave in last week and went back to nursing, but started this week with new determination to see it through. This morning she cried for a full hour, then I nursed her and she fell asleep but awoke when nursing was over. She seemed wide awake so I played with her for about an hour when she seemed tired again so I started her nap again. I tried soothing her for a few minutes to get her drowsy then I put her in her crib but she again cried and screamed so I gave in after 10 minutes and nursed her to sleep. She is now napping and has been for almost 2 hours.
Thank you so much for bearing with me through this. Now for my questions. What should I do? Should I continue letting her CIO at night and nurse her to nap during day? Or should I be firmer and consistent and do CIO for her naps as well as bedtime? I am worried that by nursing her during day and CIO at night that she is getting confused by the inconsistencies and that is why she still cries at night. Or should I abandon it altogether and accept that the only way to get her to fall asleep without tears is to nurse her? I am desperate to figure this out. I can’t stand her crying every night after so long of CIO and I just don’t know what to do. Please help!
Jess says
Hello,
I have 2 little DS’s (2 years and 6 mos.). My first son has been sleeping through the night since he was about 4 months. We did the CIO method and it was a success. Unfortunately now with the 6 month old, we have avoided it because we’re afraid he will wake up the 2 year old. Their rooms are right next to each other and our house has pretty thin walls. The only other option is to put one kid in the basement, but I really am not comfortable with that.
Any advice would REALLY be appreciated. I’m not going to start the CIO method until I have a plan. On a side note, my 6 month old is typically going to sleep at 9-ish, waking at 2 for 45 minutes to eat, and then waking at 5-6 for the day. He’ll usually take a longer nap in the a.m. for about an hour or so around 10.
Thank you so much for any help!
Jess
Alisa says
Nicole,
I’m confused about if standing next to the crib while your baby fusses because you put her down drowsy but awake is considered CIO. My 10 week old baby is breastfed and I nurse her before going to sleep. I try to follow the advice about putting her down drowsy but awake but she cries. The last two nights I have stood next to her crib and soothed her without picking her up while she fussed and cried b/c she wasn’t completely asleep when I put her down. All day I am always reactive to her cries and tend to her whenever she needs something. I am just having a hard time striking a balance between making sure that she is drowsy but awake and not putting her to bed while she is completely awake. I thought that if I know she is fed, changed, and needs to sleep then it is okay if I put her down while standing next to her crib. Do you consider this CIO and would you wait to do this? If so, what is the alternative to having her fully asleep before I put her down? She won’t do drowsy but awake without the crying. Both nights she did go to sleep after I calmed her down and walked out of the room for about 5 mins while she fussed.