Hey, parents — do you have a pacifier-, dummy-, binky-, or soother-addict living in your home? If so, this article is for you. We’re talking today about when to ditch the pacifier, and how to do it.
Pacifiers Are Not Evil
I think it’s important to begin our article today with this reminder – pacifiers aren’t evil. They’re not dangerous. (In fact, they may even reduce the risk of SIDS.) However, it is important to avoid introducing them until the breastfeeding relationship is established, if you are breastfeeding (or planning to).
They get a bad rap sometimes, but really, pacifiers can be a helpful tool in the effort to help our babies sleep well. Pacifiers can be a tool to help babies self-soothe without parental aid, and can decrease nighttime waking (that is, unless your baby’s constantly calling for you to come and replace the pacifier after it’s fallen out!).
So let’s remember that like many things associated with baby and toddler sleep, pacifiers aren’t a problem until they’re a problem. If the pacifier fits neatly into your baby or toddler’s life (and neatly into yours) then don’t feel pressured to get rid of it.
But what if it doesn’t? What if your baby is waking you 10 times each night to replace the pacifier after it’s fallen out of her mouth? What if you’re sick and tired of toting pacifiers everywhere you go, just so your toddler won’t have to be without one? If that’s the case, it might be time to ditch the pacifier for good.
The Ideal Age to Ditch the Pacifier
Speaking of getting rid of the pacifier — when should it happen? That’s a big question for parents whose little ones are hooked on the binky.
Unfortunately, there’s no magic age. Some parents wean their babies off the pacifier as early as 5 or 6 months; others let their toddlers hang onto their pacifiers until age 3 or 4. Truly, there’s no right or wrong, black or white when it comes to pacifier usage. It’s kind of like baby sleep in that way — babies and toddlers learn to sleep in different ways, and at different ages.
But let’s look at a general truth when it comes to weaning babies and toddlers off the pacifier – the earlier you do it, the easier it’s going to be. The same is true for sleep training, and for potty training, and for so many things associated with raising children.
For this reason, pediatricians usually recommend weaning your little one from the pacifier before age one. The idea is that before 12 months, your child hasn’t had the time (or the cognitive ability) to form a deep attachment to a pacifier, so taking it away may not be as difficult.
Not the case if you try to wean a toddler off his pacifier, however. Starting around 18 months, a toddler has likely formed strong feelings of attachment to his pacifier. Try to take it away then, and it’ll probably be much harder than if you’d done it earlier. Not impossible, of course, but filled with more tears and anger on the part of your toddler (and maybe on your part, too!). Beyond a few years old and you add the risk of causing dental problems, too.
Nicole’s Note:
“The best time to wean your baby from the pacifier (or start sleep training or potty training) would be after a child is developmentally ready, but before they have become strong-willed and emotionally attached to the status quo. Just like we recommend sleep training after 4 to 6 months old, we would not really potty train a 15 month old (though elimination communication is becoming a more popular parenting concept). Once a baby has formed an attachment to their pacifier or soother, it becomes more like a lovey and who would wean a 2 year old away from her favorite teddy bear or blanket? But, if your baby is waking up frequently at night and can’t put it in himself, that is more of a problem than a solution.Neither of my boys had a pacifier (one not by choice and one I made a conscious effort to avoid it). We probably paid for it in the early days, but it was much easier later.”
How To Ditch the Pacifier
Just like there’s no “right age” to ditch the pacifier; there’s no “right way” to do it, either. There are a few things to keep in mind, though, as you create your plan for pacifier weaning:
- If you’re weaning a baby who’s under 12 months, you probably don’t need to be creative. You can probably get by with simply throwing the pacifiers out and then preparing for a few rough, sleepless nights and some short, restless naps.
- If you’re weaning a toddler, you might want to be creative. You can just get rid of the pacifiers when your toddler’s not looking, of course, and end things cold-turkey. But you could also be creative, and get your toddler to help with the weaning process. I knew a mom who told her 3 year old son that they needed to send his pacifiers to children who didn’t have any — he helped her pack them into a box and everything! It turned out to be a great solution for that family.
Nicole’s Note:
“Just like most of our Sleep Plans, we often break things up into smaller steps. I have some families stop the pacifier at night, but not during the day. Or, they use the pacifier for sleep and not throughout the day. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, depending on the child. Sometimes we just start slow and then build up to getting rid of it completely. Just like sleep training, what works for you may not be what worked for your friend or neighbor. Some do best with ripping off the band-aid and some do better with slow and methodical.”
Tips for Ditching the Pacifier
Whatever strategies you use to wean your baby or toddler off the pacifier, keep the following tips in mind:
- Plan ahead. Weaning a baby off the pacifier is a fairly small event, but weaning a toddler is big. Very, very big for some toddlers. So plan ahead, and make sure the pacifier weaning doesn’t coincide with another big event, like a move, or the birth of a new sibling, or potty-training. It’s best to tackle big events one at a time, to help minimize your child’s stress.
- Be patient. There’s bound to be some fussing and sleeplessness when you finally banish the pacifiers. That’s just how it goes. So prepare yourself to be patient, and to ride out the storm.
- Be firm. If pacifier weaning just isn’t working, you may feel like stopping and trying again later. And that may work — we’re not saying it won’t! But that might not be the best approach, especially if you’re weaning a toddler. Why? Because parents, your toddlers are smart. And if they get even the slightest inkling that their actions (crying, screaming, tantrum-throwing, etc.) can make you change course, guess what’s going to happen? The crying, screaming, and tantrum-throwing will only get worse. Better to be firm and consistent now — not only will the pacifier weaning happen faster, but you’ll teach your toddler the valuable lesson that mom and dad mean what they say.
- Keep perspective. For some parents, pacifier weaning belongs in the “Things That Feel Like They Might Literally Kill Me” category. It’s that painful and brutal. But take heart, parents! It’ll pass. We promise. And just think — once you’ve cleared this hurdle, there’ll only be 15 or 16 more years worth of hurdles ahead! 😉
Let’s help each other out — offer your pacifier-weaning tips and insights below!
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Rachael says
I am now on day 2 of weaning my LO off her dummy. So far so good, in fact she seems to cry less going off to sleep without it. I have just left her to suckle longer on my breast after feeds and this seems to be working so far, like i say its only day 2
last night was the first night without it and we did have 10 mins of crying which normally doesn’t happen but i think we are off to an excellent start, hopefully sleeping will get better once she’s gone a few nights without it.
I have already seen changes in her, less crying through out the day as she doesn’t have something falling out her mouth.
Emily DeJeu says
Corinne — I’d say you’re on the right track with your thinking; if the pacifier isn’t causing issues right now, then you might want to leave it alone. Instead of weaning him from it, I’d focus on preventing bad pacifier habits. For example, if your son starts to want to have it with him all the time, you’d probably do yourself a favor by restricting it to nighttime and nap time; that could help prevent any major pacifier dependencies.
Thanks for commenting, Corinne!
Corinne says
My 9 mth old son has a pacifier just for sleeping. He isnt causing any dramas at the moment but i am wondering if i should try to wean him off now to save it being harder later on. “If its not broken then dont fix it”?
Emily DeJeu says
@ Laurie — Very wise, I think, to take your daughter’s personality and temperament into account as you work to wean her from the pacifier. As long as the parent is patient enough (and it definitely seems that you are!), then a slow, gradual approach like this can work quite well.
Thanks for sharing your insights, Laurie! Very helpful. 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Ginette — great comment! Thanks for offering such a specific, detailed account of your strategy for weaning your son off the pacifier. Honestly, I’ve never heard of this approach (making little cuts and pin-pricks in the pacifier), but what you say makes sense. And your method (which is quite gradual) definitely seems gentler than cutting the rubbery part off completely.
Thanks for commenting, Ginette, and for sharing this excellent tip! 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ paula — I’d say this is normal and nothing to worry about. Some kids are selective about their pacifier use, needing it at certain times but not others.
Thanks for commenting!
Emily DeJeu says
@ Shari — Have you tried any of the tips mentioned in the article? One idea might be to limit the pacifier to the bedroom — at naps and nighttime only, for example. That’s often a good, gentle way to start cutting back on pacifier use.
As for the bottle — I always used a cold-turkey approach and just stopped the bottle altogether. My theory was that even if my kid was resistant to the cup, they’d eventually get thirsty enough and drink from it. So you could try that approach.
Let us know what works for you, Shari! And thanks for commenting!
Laurie says
We are still weaning my 29 month old daughter off her sucker, but are in no hurry. As a baby she would not take the pacifier until she was nearly 8 months old and it made a huge difference in her ability to sleep (and my sanity). The downside is that she definitely has a strong attachment to it and pairs it with her lovey in items toted around the apartment. When she was 18 months old, we moved to a very urban environment in a foreign country. For various reasons (security, germs, sanity) we created a rule that “sucker” and her lovey were not allowed to leave our apartment. We created a spot for them by the door and she diligently places both there anytime we are preparing to leave. It’s just a part of the routine now. She also has three “stroller friends” she is allowed to take in her stroller – all selected due to their ability to be washed and replaced and her non-dependance on them for comfort and sleep. The new protocol evolved out of my constant fear of her losing her lovey in the middle of a busy street or subway or bus. She just naturally paired the sucker with it.
We are now working on ridding of the sucker when she is playing at home. If she has friends or playgroup over, she insists on leaving sucker in her bed and closing her dor so no one else is tempted to “borrow” them. I am capitalizing on this by requesting in the morning and after nap that she leave sucker in her bed so I can understand her better when she talks and hear her nice voice. It is hit and miss. Usually she runs for sucker when any emotional breakdown begins. (several times a day for a two year old). I am okay with her using the pacifier as a soother and have no intention of eliminating it during sleep anytime soon. We forgot it on a weekend trip once and after some hysterics, she simply resorted to sucking her fingers. I’d rather the pacifier – less orthodontia later…
So what works for my daughter is a longer gradual process which is situational and allows her to soothe as needed… For HER a long gradual process has been the most effective method for just about everything. I am a firm believer that every child is different, so we’ll see what happens with her baby brother….
Ginette says
My big boy is now 2.5, but took his soother away around 20 months as our second was due in May, and had been advised it was best to take it away well in advance of the arrival.
A friend had just cut off the whole sucky part and her daughter reacted like they had murdered her best friend. Traumatized by her story I searched and found an answer that worked like a miracle for my little man.
I was working full time and long days so I took each step a week apart so on the weekend, just in case, but it was not necessary.
1- several pin pricks in the end
2- small vertical slit in the end
3- snip off a very tiny piece of the tip
4- snip off a little bit more
continue taking off small bits at a time…
(Do all steps to all soothers that are available)
The idea is it looses suction and therefore is no longer desirable. My little guy lost interest and stopped asking for it all together between the 1st and second little snip. No crying and no drama!
I had found the idea on line and hope that it can help someone else as much as it helped us. Thanks
paula says
Hi! , my son is almost 11 months and I wean him of the pacifier at night when he was 5 months old, he was waking 8-12 times at night! I never like the idea that he uses pacifier during the day, but he does use it to nap, is that a problem if he doesn’t need it to night sleep???