Let’s be honest for a moment. Our toddlers are cute — no doubt about that! But sometimes, their behavior is…well…weird.
Picking their noses in public? Drinking the bathwater? Insisting on being naked at all times? Throwing tantrums over the color of their socks?
Yeah…toddlers can be strange little people sometimes!
And speaking of strange — have any of you ever noticed that your toddler sometimes engages in some rather odd self-soothing behavior before naptime or bedtime? Things like banging their heads against the wall, rocking back and forth, or tugging on their hair?
That’s what we’re tackling today. We’ll take a look at some of the unusual, odd, and just flat-out weird self-soothing behaviors that many toddlers try out from time to time. We’ll look at why our toddlers do them, how we can handle it as parents, and when the behaviors themselves become a cause for concern.
Unusual Toddler Self-Soothing Behaviors
First, let’s define our terms. What kinds of odd self-soothing behaviors are we talking about? Well, there are many, but here’s a list of some of the most common:
- Head-banging and shaking. This may be the most alarming of all the self-soothing techniques listed here. Some toddlers have a tendency to bang their heads (against the wall, against furniture, against the crib bars, etc.) before naps or bed. Some toddlers will also shake their heads back and forth vigorously.
- Rubbing/stroking body parts. Toddlers may stroke their bellies, their ears, their feet, or other more private parts as they wind down before naptime or bedtime. Some toddlers also become quite fixated on stroking their parents ears, faces, or hands.
- Hair pulling/twisting. Some toddlers yank on or twist their own hair (or their parents’ hair!) as a way to soothe and calm themselves before sleep.
- Body rocking. Some toddlers rock their bodies back and forth (or side to side, or on their hands and knees) during the naptime or bedtime routine.
- Facial, body, or vocal tics. Toddlers may grimace, shrug their shoulders, twitch, make repetitive noises, etc. as they wind down for sleep.
Why Do Some Toddlers Engage in Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors?
There are several answers to this question, honestly. Some toddlers engage in these kinds of behaviors because they aren’t getting enough one-on-one contact with parents or caregivers — so they make up for that lack of cuddling and affection by trying to create it themselves.
For a small percentage of children, these kinds of behaviors indicate deeper, underlying issues, like learning disabilities, ADD-ADHD, or autism. They can also be a sign of Sensory Processing Disorder. We’ll address these more serious problems later on in the article.
However, for many toddlers, these behaviors aren’t an indicator of a serious problem — they’re simply the child’s (odd, weird, strange) way of calming and soothing himself. Why do toddlers find these rather bizarre behaviors soothing? Well, as this flyer from the Office of Child Development at the University of Pittsburg points out, repetitive behaviors are thought to help toddlers release tension and extra energy, and act as a calming influence. Toddlers often do these behaviors when they are still full of energy but need to wind down and fall asleep (i.e. before naps and at bedtime). They may also engage in these behaviors during a developmental transition (like potty training) or during a season of transition or stress (like during a move, or during the birth of a new sibling).
What Should You Do About Your Toddler’s Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors?
Honestly, maybe nothing! Drawing lots of attention to these behaviors, or trying to force your child to stop doing them (or punishing your child when she does do them) will only serve to make the behavior worse (and may even make it last longer!) In many cases, you can simply ignore the behaviors, and they will eventually go away (usually by the time the child is 3 or 4.)
If you do want to take steps to minimize these behaviors, consider the following:
- If the behavior is inappropriate (like fondling private parts), then gently let your child know that it’s something they cannot do in front of others, and should do only in the privacy of their room. Make sure not to shame your toddler when you do this, though – you don’t want them to associate their sexuality with shame and guilt later in life.
- If your toddler is banging his head against something hard (like the wall), you can try padding the area where he does most of his banging.
- If your toddler is pulling or twisting her hair (or your hair!), suggest that she tug and twist a doll’s hair, instead, or perhaps tug on and twist a blanket.
- When your toddler starts doing the repetitive behavior, be sure to take the time to offer plenty of cuddling and kisses. If your toddler is old enough to talk with you, you may also want to try asking how he’s feeling, and if anything’s wrong. You could say something like, “I see you’re pulling on your ears – are you feeling worried? Did anything happen today that made you feel bad?”
- Take a hard look at your toddler’s schedule. Toddlers are more likely to engage in these behaviors when they have lots of pent-up energy and are bored. It’s possible that you’re putting your toddler down for a nap too early, or to bed too early. When it’s time for sleep, it’s best if your toddler is a little sleepy (but not overtired).
- Evaluate your family life to determine if there’s anything stressful or new that could be causing your toddler to do these repetitive behaviors. Again, transitions (both big and small) can cause a toddler to feel stressed. If you think something’s stressing your toddler, compensate by offering lots of affection and reassurance.
- Think about how much time you’re spending with your toddler. We’re not trying to make you feel like a bad parent here — not at all! We know our readers take parenting very seriously, and are flat-out awesome moms and dads. 🙂 But even the best mom or dad may be distracted from spending time with their toddler. When you have a newborn at home, for instance, you have less time available for your toddler. Or if you’re starting back to work (or if your current job is keeping you extra busy), you will no doubt miss some time with your little one. If any of these factors are true for you, try to carve out a little extra time with your toddler each day, simply to cuddle and enjoy one another.
Your Toddler’s Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors: When To Be Concerned
While most repetitive behaviors, like the ones we’ve listed above, are perfectly normal for toddlers, in some cases, they may be a sign of a deeper problem — possibly a medical problem. Odd, repetitive behaviors may indicate…
- …Autism. Sometimes, children with Autism Spectrum Disorder become fixated on repeating behaviors again and again.
- …ADD-ADHD. Children with ADD-ADHD may unleash some of their pent-up energy by doing repetitive behaviors.
- …Tourette Syndrome. If a child has an uncontrollable urge to perform a certain action over and over, it can be a sign of Tourette Syndrome. However, most young children are more likely to have something called Transient Tic Disorder — a condition in which they develop a small tic for a period of time.
- …Sensory Processing Disorder. Sensory Processing Disorder can cause children to bang their heads. Toddlers with SPDs often seek out strong sensations like headbanging, rocking, hair pulling, squashing, deep pressure as a way of meeting their sensory needs and calming their nervous system/brain. Consider using a weighted blanket to help.
- …Abuse. Children who are in harsh or abusive situations may be more likely to engage in repetitive behaviors. If your child spends time in a daycare setting, or with other family members in situations where you are not also present, ensure that your child is indeed safe in these settings.
So, how can you know if your toddler’s weird self-soothing behaviors are normal, or are something more? For starters, if your child is actually harming himself (pulling out his hair, banging his head so hard he injures it, pinching or biting himself, etc.), then take action immediately, and visit a healthcare provider. In addition, if your child is withdrawing and spending lots of time alone while doing these behaviors, or if these behaviors are interfering with his ability to interact with other people, seek outside help, as this could be a sign of something serious. Overall, if you have any concerns that your toddler’s repetitive self-soothing behaviors may be a sign of something more, talk to your child’s healthcare provider.
Remember, parents — we are not trying to scare you with this information! Rather, we want to offer you this information so that, if your toddler is doing (or eventually starts doing) any of these repetitive behaviors, you have the facts you need to handle it well and make informed decisions.
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Nancy Johnson says
My grandson age 3 folds his ear cartilage and sticks it inside his ear. Funny looking not to mention weird is this going to hurt his cartilage?
Danielle says
Hi Nancy,
Thank you for visiting us! I’m sorry you’re having this issue with your grandson, but we are not medical professionals, and only deal with issues related to sleep. If you do have concerns, we would strongly recommend checking in with your pediatrician. I hope this helps!
Rachel says
My 1-year-old daughter is rubbing her private parts on the floor obsessively. She literally does this all day. While she is doing this she is spaced out. Please help….
Danielle says
Hi Rachel,
Thank you for visiting us! I’m sorry you’re having this issue with your daughter, but we are not medical professionals, and only deal with issues related to sleep. If you do have concerns, we would strongly recommend checking in with your pediatrician. I hope this helps!
Danielle says
Hi Rachel,
Thank you for visiting us! I’m sorry you’re having this issue with your daughter, but we are not medical professionals, and only deal with issues related to sleep. If you do have concerns, we would strongly recommend checking in with your pediatrician. I hope this helps!
Eva says
My boyfriends 1 year old rubs his head against the wall. I can tell he is sleepy because I can tell he is a little tired. So, I pick him up and rock him and let his head rest on me. So he can fall asleep. He has also done something that I felt uncomfortable with. Not sure whether it should be alarming or not. I was squating down watching him play. He comes up to me puts his two hands on my thighs and closes my legs and he puts his head between my legs. He did it a few times. Sometimes he would just try and put his head between my legs whiling having his hands around my legs. He has also done the same to my sister in law. Also, yesterday he was rubbing his head a lot and scratching like something was bothering him. Mostly rubbing his head. Not sure if this is a normal behavior for toddlers. If you have any suggestions on what this behavior may be.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi @Eva – Thanks for writing to us about your boyfriend’s toddler! While this sounds like typical toddler soothing behavior from the brief description here, I’d recommend speaking to his pediatrician about your concerns for first hand insight and peace of mind. Good luck Eva!
Choni says
Hey my son is 1 years old and he constantly chews on his favorite teddy bear especially right before bed. He bangs his head on the wall sometimes and he also usually mush his face into the pillow continually. And he toss and turns sooo much until he finally just knocks out.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi Choni – Thanks for sharing about your toddler’s self-soothing behaviors! It’s great that he has found a way to self sooth, but we know how tough it is to see our little ones struggling with falling asleep, especially if he is banging his head! Helping to find the “right” bedtime when he is tired but not too overtired may help lessen the behaviors, since he may fall asleep more quickly! Good luck!
Jimmy says
My Toddler likes to “plank” lay down forward with his groin area on a soccer ball or my head (lol) seems he likes having pressure on his groin area – not sure if this should be a concern? he seems to get all hot and sweaty doing this which is a little concerning. Doctors seem to think its just a habit or comfort thing.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi @Jimmy – Thanks for writing and sharing about your toddler’s soothing behavior! It’s great that you talked to his doctor about this, since you were concerned. I’d agree with the doctor that it’s a habit and he’s using this as his way to comfort himself. You can always check in with the doctor about this in a number of months if it is still happening, still concerning you, or if it escalates! Good luck Jimmy!
Kay says
My 3 year old rubs her lips on her forearms and wrists every time before naps and bedtime. She started doing this after I sent her to spend time with aunt for a week. It was the first time she was ever away from me. I figured it was something she adopted while being away to keep herself comforted. It is an everyday thing now. I don’t know whether i should be concerned.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi @Kay – Thanks for writing and sharing your toddler’s soothing behavior with us and our readers! It sounds like your toddler has found a way to sooth herself to sleep, and if this is not causing any injuries or anything, there should not be reason to be concerned. With that being said, asking your daughter’s pediatrician if this is safe self soothing for her would be best, since the doctor will know best, and will be able to observe your toddler and possibly the behavior too. Good luck!
Alexandra says
My 3 and a half year old is obsessed with caressing my arms, elbows and any area of skin that he has access to on my body. I feel bad saying this but it really makes me feel uncomfortable. It started off last year as a little touch here and there now he can’t stop and it’s teally bothering me. Please help!
Neosha says
@Alexandra – Thank you for reading and for sharing! I know the feeling – my son used to rub the tip of my ear all of the time as he wound down for any sleep time. I had to literally grit my teeth to get through it! If you haven’t tried “weaning” him from using your body as a comfort “item” by introducing another object to redirect his hand to, that would be a great first place to start. Hang in there, Alexandra!
Alexandra says
Hi Neosha,
Thank you for responding. I just purchased a “ soft squishy ball”. Hopefully that will work as him comfort item. If he only did it to fall asleep I think I could bear it. But he caresses and scratches my arm, my elbows and legs any chance he gets. I will keep you posted. Thanks again!
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Good luck from all of us @Alexandra!
Sarah says
So my toddler fondles my ear lobes or the tip of my nose and likes to rub her bare forearms on my bare arms. It is a soothing thing. Should I ne concerned. I wish she would rub her own ear lobes! Lol
Danielle says
Hi Sarah,
Thank you for your comment! You are not alone with the weird self-soothing behaviors, that’s for sure! 🙂 My daughter also rubbed my arms and it made my a little uncomfortable, so we sort of eventually subbed in one of her stuffies with a similar smooth texture to it, that did that same job for her. If it’s not bothering you, I wouldn’t worry about it, but you can also coach her gently away from you and toward another comfort object if you’d prefer. I hope this helps!
Amber says
Hi. My 1 year old shakes her head back and forth every now and then and thinks it’s funny. She actually saw my do it with my hair so she started doing that. Should I be worried about that? Or just ignore it, and it’ll go away?
Neosha says
@Amber – Thank you for reading! Toddlers do tend to learn from their environment and a lot of that learning comes from mimicking our actions! 🙂 If your little girl’s behavior becomes more regular or erratic or concerning, please reach out to her healthcare provider for further reassurance. Hang in there, Amber!
Essence says
Hi my son is 2 years old and every since he was a baby he has been digging in his skin and scalp .He only does it sometimes what is it ? Is it a nerve problem when he can’t get something he also does it I also struggle with bad nerves in my foot at night and I pull my edges and eyelashes
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Essence, thanks for writing to us. I’m sorry to hear you are concerned about your 2 year old’s digging in his skin and scalp. As I’m not a medical professional I can’t say for sure what the cause of it it, some kids just do weird things because they do them, but if you have medical history you’re concerned is being passed to him, I’d suggest mentioning it to his doctor to get their perspective on it. I”m sorry I can’t give you a clear cut answer on this. I hope you’re able to find out what’s going on quickly and easily!