Let’s be honest for a moment. Our toddlers are cute — no doubt about that! But sometimes, their behavior is…well…weird.
Picking their noses in public? Drinking the bathwater? Insisting on being naked at all times? Throwing tantrums over the color of their socks?
Yeah…toddlers can be strange little people sometimes!
And speaking of strange — have any of you ever noticed that your toddler sometimes engages in some rather odd self-soothing behavior before naptime or bedtime? Things like banging their heads against the wall, rocking back and forth, or tugging on their hair?
That’s what we’re tackling today. We’ll take a look at some of the unusual, odd, and just flat-out weird self-soothing behaviors that many toddlers try out from time to time. We’ll look at why our toddlers do them, how we can handle it as parents, and when the behaviors themselves become a cause for concern.
Unusual Toddler Self-Soothing Behaviors
First, let’s define our terms. What kinds of odd self-soothing behaviors are we talking about? Well, there are many, but here’s a list of some of the most common:
- Head-banging and shaking. This may be the most alarming of all the self-soothing techniques listed here. Some toddlers have a tendency to bang their heads (against the wall, against furniture, against the crib bars, etc.) before naps or bed. Some toddlers will also shake their heads back and forth vigorously.
- Rubbing/stroking body parts. Toddlers may stroke their bellies, their ears, their feet, or other more private parts as they wind down before naptime or bedtime. Some toddlers also become quite fixated on stroking their parents ears, faces, or hands.
- Hair pulling/twisting. Some toddlers yank on or twist their own hair (or their parents’ hair!) as a way to soothe and calm themselves before sleep.
- Body rocking. Some toddlers rock their bodies back and forth (or side to side, or on their hands and knees) during the naptime or bedtime routine.
- Facial, body, or vocal tics. Toddlers may grimace, shrug their shoulders, twitch, make repetitive noises, etc. as they wind down for sleep.
Why Do Some Toddlers Engage in Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors?
There are several answers to this question, honestly. Some toddlers engage in these kinds of behaviors because they aren’t getting enough one-on-one contact with parents or caregivers — so they make up for that lack of cuddling and affection by trying to create it themselves.
For a small percentage of children, these kinds of behaviors indicate deeper, underlying issues, like learning disabilities, ADD-ADHD, or autism. They can also be a sign of Sensory Processing Disorder. We’ll address these more serious problems later on in the article.
However, for many toddlers, these behaviors aren’t an indicator of a serious problem — they’re simply the child’s (odd, weird, strange) way of calming and soothing himself. Why do toddlers find these rather bizarre behaviors soothing? Well, as this flyer from the Office of Child Development at the University of Pittsburg points out, repetitive behaviors are thought to help toddlers release tension and extra energy, and act as a calming influence. Toddlers often do these behaviors when they are still full of energy but need to wind down and fall asleep (i.e. before naps and at bedtime). They may also engage in these behaviors during a developmental transition (like potty training) or during a season of transition or stress (like during a move, or during the birth of a new sibling).
What Should You Do About Your Toddler’s Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors?
Honestly, maybe nothing! Drawing lots of attention to these behaviors, or trying to force your child to stop doing them (or punishing your child when she does do them) will only serve to make the behavior worse (and may even make it last longer!) In many cases, you can simply ignore the behaviors, and they will eventually go away (usually by the time the child is 3 or 4.)
If you do want to take steps to minimize these behaviors, consider the following:
- If the behavior is inappropriate (like fondling private parts), then gently let your child know that it’s something they cannot do in front of others, and should do only in the privacy of their room. Make sure not to shame your toddler when you do this, though – you don’t want them to associate their sexuality with shame and guilt later in life.
- If your toddler is banging his head against something hard (like the wall), you can try padding the area where he does most of his banging.
- If your toddler is pulling or twisting her hair (or your hair!), suggest that she tug and twist a doll’s hair, instead, or perhaps tug on and twist a blanket.
- When your toddler starts doing the repetitive behavior, be sure to take the time to offer plenty of cuddling and kisses. If your toddler is old enough to talk with you, you may also want to try asking how he’s feeling, and if anything’s wrong. You could say something like, “I see you’re pulling on your ears – are you feeling worried? Did anything happen today that made you feel bad?”
- Take a hard look at your toddler’s schedule. Toddlers are more likely to engage in these behaviors when they have lots of pent-up energy and are bored. It’s possible that you’re putting your toddler down for a nap too early, or to bed too early. When it’s time for sleep, it’s best if your toddler is a little sleepy (but not overtired).
- Evaluate your family life to determine if there’s anything stressful or new that could be causing your toddler to do these repetitive behaviors. Again, transitions (both big and small) can cause a toddler to feel stressed. If you think something’s stressing your toddler, compensate by offering lots of affection and reassurance.
- Think about how much time you’re spending with your toddler. We’re not trying to make you feel like a bad parent here — not at all! We know our readers take parenting very seriously, and are flat-out awesome moms and dads. 🙂 But even the best mom or dad may be distracted from spending time with their toddler. When you have a newborn at home, for instance, you have less time available for your toddler. Or if you’re starting back to work (or if your current job is keeping you extra busy), you will no doubt miss some time with your little one. If any of these factors are true for you, try to carve out a little extra time with your toddler each day, simply to cuddle and enjoy one another.
Your Toddler’s Weird Self-Soothing Behaviors: When To Be Concerned
While most repetitive behaviors, like the ones we’ve listed above, are perfectly normal for toddlers, in some cases, they may be a sign of a deeper problem — possibly a medical problem. Odd, repetitive behaviors may indicate…
- …Autism. Sometimes, children with Autism Spectrum Disorder become fixated on repeating behaviors again and again.
- …ADD-ADHD. Children with ADD-ADHD may unleash some of their pent-up energy by doing repetitive behaviors.
- …Tourette Syndrome. If a child has an uncontrollable urge to perform a certain action over and over, it can be a sign of Tourette Syndrome. However, most young children are more likely to have something called Transient Tic Disorder — a condition in which they develop a small tic for a period of time.
- …Sensory Processing Disorder. Sensory Processing Disorder can cause children to bang their heads. Toddlers with SPDs often seek out strong sensations like headbanging, rocking, hair pulling, squashing, deep pressure as a way of meeting their sensory needs and calming their nervous system/brain. Consider using a weighted blanket to help.
- …Abuse. Children who are in harsh or abusive situations may be more likely to engage in repetitive behaviors. If your child spends time in a daycare setting, or with other family members in situations where you are not also present, ensure that your child is indeed safe in these settings.
So, how can you know if your toddler’s weird self-soothing behaviors are normal, or are something more? For starters, if your child is actually harming himself (pulling out his hair, banging his head so hard he injures it, pinching or biting himself, etc.), then take action immediately, and visit a healthcare provider. In addition, if your child is withdrawing and spending lots of time alone while doing these behaviors, or if these behaviors are interfering with his ability to interact with other people, seek outside help, as this could be a sign of something serious. Overall, if you have any concerns that your toddler’s repetitive self-soothing behaviors may be a sign of something more, talk to your child’s healthcare provider.
Remember, parents — we are not trying to scare you with this information! Rather, we want to offer you this information so that, if your toddler is doing (or eventually starts doing) any of these repetitive behaviors, you have the facts you need to handle it well and make informed decisions.
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Theresa McComber says
Hello,my grandson sleeps with a little security blanket that has a small tag.He usually rolls up the blanket and places it near his ear so that the tag is touching his ear but sometimes he gets frustrated when it doesn’t place just right in position enough that he’s crying and re-trying over and over again.This is something new and my daughter is sad to watch him go through this.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi @Theresa – Thank you for writing about your grandson! Sorry to hear that he is struggling with getting to sleep with his blanket in just the right way! Poor guy! Perhaps you or your daughter can continue to encourage him, and even help him get situated, but you cannot control if that tag gets too soft to feel, or even falls apart or becomes detached. Maybe he and you, or he and your daughter can talk about going shopping for a couple of alternates to sleep with? Letting him choose an “alternate” or “backup” security item/blanket that he likes may help. I hope that things smooth out quickly! Good luck!
Marine says
My son (22 months) has been a thumb sucker from day 1, he found his thumb very quickly, we think he was sucking his thumb in my tummy. That’s pretty classic.
But at around 2 months old, he started to also put his second finger inside his nostril ( in addition to the thumb in the mouth) and breathe out very heavily like he is blowing his nose.
He only does it to go to sleep, for about 10 breaths.
It doesn’t really phase me, but it is pretty disgusting when he has a cold…
And if he is tired and wants to nap he would do that too… some people look at him weirdly if he is in the pram ect…
GP said it is a great against ear infection as he always blows “everything” out. ?
He has always been a great sleeper so I don’t want to force him to stop, I think we will grow out of it.
Danielle says
Hi Marine,
Thank you for visiting The Baby Sleep Site! I am sure you are not alone with this behavior – kids do the most interesting things 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure others will appreciate it!
Melissa Field says
My almost 6yr old son has been scratching me for a while now, in his sleep! He falls asleep in his bed but middle of the night he comes through to my bed and comes close for a cuddle. The cuddle soon turns to scratching…. he used to put his hand in my top as a form of comfort from when I stopped breast feeding him but then he started scratching and hurting me when he gets in there. I stopped him from doing it but now he scratches… ????? What could be the cause of it??? He gets loads of affection, cuddles and the works… from both dad and I but the scratching doesn’t seem to be stopping…
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Melissa Field, thanks for writing to us. I honestly don’t know either why your son would be scratching. It sounds like he may be doing it unconsciously, just like some people will talk, excessively toss and turn, grind their teeth, and other odd things in their sleep. I’d suggest bringing it up to his doctor to see if they have any suggestions for you. I’m sorry I can’t be more help!
Clare says
My daughter has been rocking and singing/ shouting in her sleep since she was 1 ( she is now 3 ) starts about 11 every night. And lasts for hours. She’s not actually awake and when I go in and soothe her she instantly stops. But can start again about an hour or 2 later.
Some night she doesn’t do it at all. But the majority of the time she does.
Since she has learned to talk she shouts out songs she’s learned in school and body rocks with her hand on either side of her head ( quite forcefully ).
Any suggestions, as I’m at my wits now.
Clare.
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Clare, thanks for writing to us. I’m sorry you’re concerned about your daughter’s sleep. Does she seem like she’s well rested come morning? This would certainly be a struggle if she needed to share a room with a younger sibling, but perhaps it is similar to a night terror and she cannot remember it in the morning. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you, if your pediatrician is concerned that would of course be something to take more seriously, and you could consider taking her to a sleep study so they could look and see how everything is functioning in her brain during these outbursts. If you need more help, please reach out to us directly at [email protected] and we will be happy to let you know about more options that we have available, but I would first make sure to mention it to her doctor and see if they have any suggestions or concerns and go from there.
Antonina Morari says
My 3 years old son has been doing weird movements with his hands and face before sleep. Before used to do only 2 times a day, before napping and night sleep time. However now he does more and more often like 4-5 a day. And if my older sone falls asleep in 10 min, for the younger one it takes him an hour to fall asleep.
Neosha says
@Antonina – Thank you for sharing with us. Please keep reading!
Jessica Thompson says
Hello my 3 year old son will grab my hand and place my fingers under his ear and around the base of his skull then he will lay into my fingers causing me to apply pressure. I’m a massage therapist so I find it fascinating that he knows to do this. I say that because he has had many ear infections over the past several months. He is set to get tubes in his ears in a couple weeks. I just wonder if his problem with ear infections/ear pain and wanting me to apply pressure around his ears have anything to do with one or the other. He only wants me to do it before bedtime and he didn’t start this till about 2 months ago.
Neosha says
@Jessica – Thank you for sharing! That is indeed intriguing and amazing that you noticed him doing such a thing! Many people do use forms of acupressure to treat pressure and pain around the ear – perhaps his specialist would know more as to if this could be something he’s doing to relieve pain or pressure in his ear. We’re rooting for you guys and hoping his procedure goes well with a speedy recovery!
Donna says
My son 3 yr old loves his nose being rubbed. Problem is it’s when he is tired but he tugs and pulls at your hand. I find that it over stimulates his brain and makes it more difficult for him to sleep. He is such a light sleeper that once he finds your hand that’s it! I’m trying to say no but it’s so hard.
Danielle says
Hi Donna,
Thanks for using The Baby Sleep Site as a resource! I’m sorry to hear you’re having trouble getting away at night 🙂 It sounds like your toddler has a sleep association with the nose-rubbing. We have an article on what sleep associations are here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association/
With this age, we’ll often recommend talking with your child about it and making a plan together for weaning the association, or for substituting it for something else. For example, maybe he could choose a special stuffie to take to bed that he can rub his nose against, and you could stay in the room initially but eventually move away.
I hope this helps, but please let us know if you have questions!
Krista says
My son constantly, all night long has to rub and pick at me. I’m unable to sleep and that causes sleep deprivation for me. I’m worried he isn’t reaching that deep sleep for very long. He naps perfectly but won’t sleep much at night.
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Krista, I’m so sorry to hear your sleep is being disrupted by your son’s self-soothing. If you’d like any help with that, we’d love to help you create a plan, either to break your son of those habits, or to help transition him to a different space if that’s an option or something you’d like to try. For more information on all the services we offer you can look online here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/ or email us directly at [email protected] and we can help you further. Hang in there!
Justyna says
My 15 month old pulls her shirt collar as if it’s too tight and needs to stretch it out, no matter what she may be wearing. When I see it happening I know she’ll be asleep within 5 minutes. Is she the only one? That’s just so random.
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Justyna, what a nice sleep cue for you! Ha! Thanks for visiting the Baby Sleep Site!
Josh says
My 2 year old, has an obvious obsession with male ears, more particularly mine and his grandfathers. He only rubs them when he is going to bed or in trouble. why i am concerned, he not only likes to rub them, but he loves to put his face as deep and close to my ears as possible, and if he cannot touch that ear, he will stay there and reach under my pillow and grab the other side.. I do not personally have a problem with it, I am just being proactive with potential problems or non at all. Thank you in advance!
Janelle Reid says
Hi @Josh, thanks for sharing your toddler’s way of self soothing. It is strange the things they come up with! I had a few concerns about my son (who is now 4) when he was 2, and any that were particularly concerning to me I brought up to his doctor, but he’s generally grown out of most of them by this point. Sorry to not be of a help, but if you’re really concerned it may be worth mentioning it but it’s likely he’ll grow out of it eventually.