A great client of mine sent me this idea for an article about how to know whether your baby is going through a sleep regression or a phase. This is the same client who is a strong advocate of Attachment Parenting who contacted me over a year ago about her then 10 month old. She is now expecting a new baby, which is very exciting! This article will consider whether your baby is going through a sleep regression, a phase, or whether your baby or toddler simply has a bad habit.
One primary benefit I have over other parents is YOUR experience. What I mean by that is that, sure, I have my own personal experience with my son who inspired this website, but now that I’ve helped countless parents and approaching my 10,000th e-mail (you can see the counter on the homepage here, which is almost real-time and updates ever so often), I see patterns that most parents don’t have the luxury of seeing. I am very analytical, so I connect things that others may not, since my mind looks for patterns, even when I don’t mean to. I benefit from your experience and know the potential pitfalls to look out for, not only from my own experience, but from all of yours, too. It’s actually very interesting to put it all together!
My experience (or maybe I should say OUR experience) tells me that MANY people will have sleep troubles around the same time:
- 4 months old – This is probably one of the biggest trouble spots for many new parents (though only some will consider it a sleep problem until 6 months, waiting for baby to “get over it”). The way your baby sleeps fundamentally changes and it never changes back!
- 8 months old – This one is another big one, but doesn’t always happen in the eighth month. This can be around 8, 9, or 10 months and usually related to a lot of development going on with your baby. This usually gets better a few weeks later, though it’s easy to develop new long-term habits trying to deal with it.
- 11 months old – I hear about this one enough to know I wasn’t alone, but not enough to say it’s a “big” problem for all families. Around 11 months old, I have found that some babies will start fighting one or both naps and then it will pass 2-3 weeks later.
- 18 months old – I have not written an article about this one (yet), but this is a common age to hear from parents about their toddler’s sleep, usually related to napping, night waking, and testing limits or questions about discipline.
- 2 years old – Around this age, I find many parents writing to me about bedtime getting later, which is common at this age, especially in the summer.
These are all very common trouble spots and, as I always say, the biggest “danger” with these times is to make new long-term habits such that something that would have been temporary becomes a long-term sleep problem for you and your baby.
Are there other challenging times? You bet! I would say the first two years (sometimes three) are difficult, regardless, but around 7 months, your baby begins developing separation anxiety, then there is teething, of course, and other issues like that come up here and there. Some will simply be more sensitive to all the changes than others.
So, how do you know if you are seeing a sleep regression or a phase?
First, I should explain that a “sleep regression” has been a term that people have used to say “Sleep really messes up at this time, but don’t worry it will go back to normal.” But, a “regression” implies that something will go back to how it once was and, in that regard, I would say only the “8 month sleep regression” fits the definition. 18 months is a close second, but if you aren’t careful, that strong independence-seeking stage can bleed into 2 and 3 years old and that’s a heckuva long “regression!” At 4 months, your baby changes how he sleeps and while some will then begin to sleep better without you changing anything, he will never sleep the same. At 8 months, this is generally a “blip” due to rapid development and the simple inability to sleep with so much going on in their minds. As long as you don’t inadvertently make some new long-term habits, your baby most likely will get past this in 3 to 6 weeks and go back to how he was sleeping before. If it was bad before, though, that may not be very desirable!
Every other “blip” in your baby’s sleep, I would call a “phase”. Anytime your baby or toddler is working on a new developmental milestone (whether you can “see” it or not), it may affect his sleep. This is going to be quite a lot of “phases” in the first few years. They learn a LOT in a short amount of time! Just to name a few, they learn names of objects, how to roll, crawl, pull up, stand up, sign language, and/or hand gestures, walk, talk, object permanence, eat, cause and effect, and so on and there are likely lots of “little” things we don’t even realize. Some of the things we’ve taken for granted that we know we have to teach our kids. All of that can make some babies feel unsettled, insecure, happy, tired, over-tired, excited, over-stimulated or all of the above! No wonder they can’t sleep, sometimes!
When is it a sleep habit?
There is no black and white as far as when you have a sleep regression, phase, or a habit, but my general rule of thumb is 2-3 weeks. If you have an abrupt sleep change, try to give your baby 1-3 weeks to see if something reveals itself. It could be a new tooth or a new “trick” or even an illness a few days later. There is no reason to feel alarmed that something has changed until it has “stuck” and then that’s when I tend to tell people to take action.
If your baby wasn’t sleeping well before and then starts to sleep worse, that would be another reason to start working on sleep. Sleep may not become perfect until the sleep regression is over, for example, but it could be a whole lot better if your baby WAS waking 3 times per night and is now waking 6-8 times per night, which is excessive even for a sleep regression.
In the end, you know your baby best and, although you may be a new mom or on your third baby and forgot everything from your younger one(s), your instincts will guide you more than you think. As soon as you start to feel resentment or that you can barely function or, worse, your baby can barely function, it’s likely time to do something about it. Although it may be your fault your baby won’t sleep doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Only some will eventually grow out of their sleep problems. I work with parents of toddlers all the time still waiting for their baby to grow out of the same sleep problems they had at 4 months old!
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan® you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.
amy crawford says
Hello! What about if your Baby(11-14weeks) had 3 weeks of total disrupted sleep every night. Then suddenly our of the blue when back to sleeping but even better then before!
I get freaked out is it ok that
She wanted sleep and Sleep?she sleeps 6 hours at a time I think she would go for longer if she could ? She has to have medicine at 00:00.
Amy
Jessica Diller says
@Amy, thank you for commenting. It is great to hear that your baby has begun sleeping well again! Sometimes sleep issues work themselves out on their own, and it sounds like this may be the case for your child as well. Thank you for sharing your story!
Leanne says
Hi my daughter is nearly 14 months old. Over the 14 months her sleep habits have been up and down due to teething etc. But this latest phase has been going on for well over 6 weeks. She goes to bed no problem at around 8pm but by midnight she wakes constantly to 6am when we get up. Sometimes it’s every half an hour. If I don’t go and lay her back down she screams constantly. I know maybe people say we need to let her scream and not go into her, but she thrashed around so I worry she will harm herself and our neighbours have children that I worry she will keep awake. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. .
Neosha says
@Leanne – Thank you for sharing! I know you all must be exhausted with such frequent night waking for so long. If it’s gone on this long, it’s definitely something you want to look further in. If she’s thrashing about awake to the point that you fear she may harm herself, I would firstly suggest you put in a call to her healthcare provider to help rule out some potential medical reason for her waking (reflux, food allergies, etc.). If she’s thrashing about but is still asleep, she may be restless as a matter of cause; she could have been overtired at bedtime if she doesn’t sleep well overall; or a number of other reasons. If she is unable to put herself to sleep at night and/or back to sleep at night without you having to go in to see to her on a regular basis, you may want to consider some type of sleep coaching for her to fall back to sleep independently. Here are two articles you may find helpful; the first being a number of reasons for toddler waking and the other being a quick cheat sheet for various methods you can consider for helping her to learn to fall back asleep on her own: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/baby-toddler-night-waking-15-reasons/ and https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/5-baby-sleep-training-methods-explained/
Hopefully this will help you, Leanne, but if you find you still need further support, please consider one of our consultation packages so you can work directly with an expert sleep consultant to come up with a plan of action:https://www.babysleepsite.com/services
Thank you for stopping in to our sleepy little village, and do please keep reading!
Debbye says
@ Brooke-
I hope things have improved by now, and it does sound like the 8,9, or 10 month sleep regression. Here is a link to an article with some helpful tips: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/8-9-10-month-old-baby-sleep-regression/
And since he was sleeping well, I am hopeful too that things will improve!
Good luck!
@ Lisa-
Thanks for the request for an article. We will certainly keep it in mind!! I know this time is rough for many, here is a link to an article that you may not have read yet: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-naps-2/12-month-olds-one-nap-transition/
I hope it helps!
@ Gladys-
Thanks for the great article idea!
For now, here is a link to a website that should be helpful!
http://bottleweaning.com/
Good luck!
Nicholas Colemon says
Rather challenging appreciate it, I do think your trusty subscribers may want a whole lot more stories along these lines keep up the excellent work.
gladys k says
hi:
Nicole,could you please writte some thing on bottle weaning to use of cups .it has been difficult for me to do that.my baby is 11months but still feeds on bottle.thanks for the good advise on sleep training it helped me alot .gladys
Lisa says
Nicole, could you please please please write an article on the 18 month old sleep regression now??!! 🙂 I think we are in the midst of it along with trying to transition to 1 nap and are waking at 5, barely getting 10 hrs at night and fighting & skipping naps. Mommy & daddy are fried!!!! Help!
Brooke says
I guess I should mention that it’s only been 10 days so maybe I should take your advice and be patient 🙂
Brooke says
Thanks for the clarification 🙂 My son is 9 mos and the week he turned 9 mos something in him changed. He also began crawing at the same time, saying mama & dada and what seems like understanding what you are saying to him (within reason). He will not sleep for more than 30 minute stints for naps where he I use to put him down and he would sleep 1 1/2 hrs. At night I use to put him down and he would sleep 11-12hrs and now he is waking after 30-45 mins, wide awake and ready to rock. I am very concerned that we are now creating bad habits since it is so difficult to get him to stay down. We are practicing Attachment Parenting but at the same time do not know where to draw the line. Now instead of just rocking him to sleep, after he wakes 30-45 minutes later we lay down with him to get him to sleep. I’m hoping this is just a phase since he was a good sleeper before turning 9 mos and hope we are not creating bad habits. Any advice for parents who wish to continue following attachment parenting but wants adult time too 🙂 ?
Rebecca says
I was actually wondering about this myself within this past week. My son will be 18 months old in about 2 weeks. Normally, after our bedtime routine, he has lounging time with mommy and daddy until he starts getting that sleepy look and around 8 every night we put him down for the night. Well for the past 4 nights, he has been crying, actually screaming at the top of his lungs when we put him in his crib. After some comforting and a few more attempts of putting him down, he eventually gave in to sleep (about an hour or so later). Hopefully as long as we are consistent with him, he will get over this “phase” soon, or we hope that’s all it is! He is getting teeth (molars actually!), but it doesn’t seem to bother him any other time. Who knows what goes through those little cute heads!
Brooke says
Could you please clarify:
“…my general rule of thumb is 2-3 weeks. If you have an abrupt sleep change, try to give your baby 1-3 weeks to see if something reveals itself. It could be a new tooth or a new “trick” or even an illness a few days later. There is no reason to feel alarmed that something has changed until it has “stuck” and then that’s when I tend to tell people to take action.”
I am unclear about the first 2-3 weeks then you go on to say 1-3 weeks.
Nicole says
@Brooke Thanks for asking the question. What I mean by this is that something may be revealed within 1-3 weeks. For example, your baby may begin teething, but it’s not for another week that you even start to see even the tip of the tooth coming out of the gum or your baby could be getting sick, but you don’t know it until 3-4 days later. Because it can take longer and all babies are different, I recommend being more patient than one week in terms of taking action, so that’s why I said wait at least 2-3 weeks (if not longer, depending on the baby) to see if your baby is going through something. Sorry I worded it confusing!
@Rebecca You are not alone with the 18-month “What the heck happened??” phase. I hope he gets over it quickly! 🙂