If your baby wakes up as soon as you put them down or wakes frequently at night, you’ve landed in the right place! Having a baby who won’t sleep is exhausting and we’re here to help. This post will teach you how to put your baby to sleep based on my experience of over 10 years as a sleep consultant.
Quite simply, here’s how to put your baby to sleep, and then I’ll go over each in more detail:
- Set an early bedtime and age-appropriate sleep schedule.
- Use a sleep routine both at the beginning and during disruptions.
- Put your baby down awake.
- Don’t rush to your baby when they wake up.
- Consider sleep training.
1. Set an Early Bedtime and Age-Appropriate Sleep Schedule
Can you imagine going to bed at midnight and getting up for work at 6 a.m. every single day? Or, can you imagine going to bed at 7 p.m. every night? Both have their problems.
The time you put your baby down for naps and bedtime can make a huge difference to how they fall asleep and stay asleep!
We need to set up babies for success in sleeping before we can expect them to sleep through the night and take long naps. No matter what you do, if your baby’s sleep schedule is off, your baby may wake up at night, take short naps, and/or cry a lot. Overtired babies tend to cry a lot, wake frequently, and take short naps. Our bodies release hormones to fight fatigue and this process makes babies restless.
Most babies up through 12 months old will go to sleep for the night between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m. and sleep 11-12 hours. Set your baby up for success with an appropriate sleep schedule.
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2. Use a Sleep Routine Both at the Beginning and During Disruptions
Before you go to bed, do you put on your pajamas or nightshirt, brush your teeth, and do a little reading, or something similar? We all have our routines before we go to sleep and these cues can help us mentally prepare.
Babies thrive on routine and this can be another key to successfully put your baby to sleep. A good sleep routine doesn’t have to be long and complicated. It only needs to be consistent (small variations are okay.)
What is a typical bedtime routine?
A bedtime routine typically includes closing the curtains/blinds, a diaper change, pajamas, swaddle or sleep sack, feeding, reading a book or two, turning off the light, snuggling for a few minutes, and saying a keyphrase when you put your baby down.
What does a keyphrase do?
It signals the end of the routine which can be sometimes just as important as the beginning. You want your baby to know when they are expected to fall asleep.
What else can you do with your sleep routine?
Use it in the middle of the night! If your baby wakes up and it’s not time to wake up or feed, it’s a good idea to signal your baby it’s still time to sleep. You wouldn’t do your entire bedtime routine again in the middle of the night, but you can repeat the last 1-2 steps to signal it’s still time to sleep. Having clear sleep cues for your baby reduces confusion.
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3. Put Your Baby Down Awake
When you feed your baby to sleep, rock your baby to sleep, or bounce your baby to sleep, this sets expectations for what they should expect when they wake up. These are called sleep associations and are the most common reason for babies to wake at night (besides hunger).
Newborns need help falling asleep but once your baby hits the 4 month sleep regression, it’s important for your baby to know how to fall asleep on their own. When your baby can fall asleep on their own, they can learn how to go back back to sleep on their own. This is the cornerstone of sleeping through the night.
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4. Don’t Rush to Your Baby When They Wake Up
Have you ever heard your partner or spouse talk in their sleep?
That’s called a ‘confusional event’ and babies have them, too! Only instead of talking, they sometimes cry between sleep cycles.
Dr. Richard Ferber, creator of The Ferber Method, defines confusional events in detail but succinctly, these happen because part of your brain is trying to wake up and part of your brain is trying to stay asleep. Most of the time, we drift right back to sleep quickly.
If your baby starts to cry between sleep cycles, you might think they need your attention. But, if it’s simply a confusional event, they may drift back to sleep after just a few minutes. Unfortunately, every minute of crying feels like 20 minutes! Watch the clock and try to give your baby a few minutes to get back to sleep on their own. Even if this has failed many times before if you are also doing the other things on this list, your baby will learn to sleep in longer stretches.
5. Put Baby to Sleep With Sleep Training
Once you’ve set the stage for sleep and started putting your baby down awake, your baby should start sleeping in longer stretches at night. But, what if your baby keeps waking up?
In some cases, babies decide they have preferences. They will only sleep in your arms or on your chest, for example. Many babies want to be nursed to sleep. And, others, love bed sharing and co-sleeping. These sleep associations are simply habits that can be changed.
At this point, it might be time to consider sleep training. Sleep training is the act of helping your baby learn to put themselves to sleep and back to sleep throughout the night. There are different sleep training methods you can use at various ages. You don’t have to let your baby Cry It Out necessarily. There are gentle sleep coaching techniques, too. Always remember to follow the American Academy of Pediatrics Safe Sleep Recommendations first and foremost.
I hope this has helped you figure out how to put your baby to sleep. And, if you’re looking for more ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night, when they don’t respond to the “easier” fixes. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan® you can feel good about! Sometimes it’s not that you can’t make a plan. Sometimes you’re just too tired to.
Click here to see all our personalized consultation packages.
Once you purchase, you will immediately receive access to the Helpdesk, and you can set up your account, fill out your family's sleep history survey, submit it to a sleep consultant, and get started on the journey to better sleep!
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For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
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Christina says
Thanks Debbye, those links are helpful. Thanks for the advice, it is appreciated 🙂 .
Kat says
Well the putting to sleep is not the problem for me..staying a sleep is.. My girl goes to bed at around 7pm, then she’ll wake up an hour later and fuss, but I won’t go in and she’ll usually go back on her own.. then around midnight she’ll stir and I have to go in and reassure her by patting her and she’ll go back down.. then around 4 am she’ll do the same thing but sometimes it’ll take an hour of me going in and out and laying her down and telling her its still bed time, and she’ll go to sleep again for about an hour.. so she’s up for the day by 6 am if not earlier.. I’m exhausted of being up so much.. I’ve tried even feeding her at around the 4 am wake up to see if that puts her down, but it has no effect, she still fuses for an hour before finally going back down. I don’t know what to do any more. Her naps are good too,she goes down easy at about 9 am (for an hour to an hour and a half) then again at around 2pm she’ll go down for another hour or two.. any suggestions?? Also, she is now 10 month old if that helps..
Debbye says
Hi Christina,
Sorry things are so rough! You may have more success if you work only an night time sleep and let him and get him to sleep however you can for naps. It is quite possible that if you help however you can to get him the daytime sleep he needs, things will ease up and he will not be SO over tired at bedtime and you can start to work on night time sleep. Here is an article outlining different methods for helping teach him to sleep: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/
And an article about sleep associations too:
https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association/
And perhaps a sample schedule to use as a reference and as a goal: https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/7-month-old-baby-schedule/
Good luck, and I hope sleep improves soon!!!
Christina says
My seven month old is a dreadful sleeper. Naps during the day are extremely difficult, with maybe two 30-45 minute naps. Night time wakings are going from bad to worse, he easily woke a dozen times last night. I am settling for whatever sleep I can get from him, however I can get it, but now he will often no longer nurse to sleep and if he does it only lasts half an hour.
Clearly he is hideously overtired and I feel we are stuck in an ugly cycle. He is too tired to sleep yet too tired to learn to sleep. Co-sleeping has not answered our problems and I’m not sure what to do from here. I am *fairly* sure his reflux which was a big factor earlier has settled down though he continues on medication for this.
Do I bite the bullet and try to soothe him in his cot, knowing that I can’t do the same even in my arms? Should I persist in doing whatever I can in getting him to sleep in the hope that his chronic overtiredness will ease and he’ll be more receptive to learning how to sleep?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Debbye says
@ Cara- Great news! Thanks for sharing and we look forward to more good news! 🙂
@ Jessica- Thanks for your input and for supporting other parents here. It is true!
@ Jenny- If co sleeping is not allowing you to get any sleep, then you may want to change that and continue to teach your son to fall asleep and back to sleep on his own. It is a vicious cycle, but it is not too late for him to learn! Don’t give up, and remember that you are free to choose what you want to do to handle the situation and go for it! Here are acouple of links with information that may help you form a plan too:
https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/
https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association/
You may want to consider a sleep consultation package (https://www.babysleepsite.com/services), as you sound at the end of your rope and we can give you a step by step and day by day plan to follow. I wish you all the best and hope to hear good news from you soon!
@ Ramya- Your daughter likely needs much more sleep. Here is a link to a sample schedule: https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/10-month-old-schedule/ Use it as a reference to begin to try and get her sleeping more and at the right times. While crying when waking is quite common, (read this great article-https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-quick-tips/baby-wake-up-crying/ )You may need to work on the schedule and begin to help her learn that she can fall back to sleep without nursing. The links I gave to Jenny in the comment above should be very useful in helping you research ways you can help her learn to sleep too.
Good luck!
@ Sasha- Thanks for writing! yes routine is a must, and it really does help many parents to talk to their baby/toddler about what to expect!
@ Marian- So sorry you are still having sleep issues. As you know, your daughter has a sleep association with nursing, and you will need to break that cycle before she can learn to sleep on her own. There is a wide range of things you can try that lie between CIO and co sleeping. This article outlines various sleep training methods: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/
Good luck, and please consider a sleep consultation package if things do not improve (https://www.babysleepsite.com/services/)
Marian says
Jenny,
I would like to sympathize with you. I have very similar issues. We have an 13 month old girl who fell asleep at the breast since birth and that problem no still persists. She wakes up a lot during the night crying because we put her back in her cot and only falls asleep again when nursed. When she sleeps with us in the bed, she cries less, but is still very restless and sometimes crawls into my arms or onto me.
She actually slept well until 4 months when I started going back to work. Since then it has been a battle with sleep that is not improving. We have tried introducing a “lovey”, which she is not interested in, and taking her off the breast before she falls asleep, which does not seem to work either.
Apart from just letting her cry, we actually do not know what to do anymore.
Sasha says
Good article! I wish I read something like this when my boy just arrived! (now he`s 2,5 yrs) I just fed him to sleep or just put him, never thought it will lead to the whole bounch of problems when I take him off the breast. if we had a routine by that time – things would be much easier.
New moms, start routine now, untill it`s too late!
Ramya says
I have 10 months old daughter, she is never a 10-11 hrs sleeper… Max of 6-7 hrs at night with 2-3 nursing in between. But from a week, she has started screaming when she gets up in between. she is uncontrollable and will go back to sleep only if i nurse her. Please help me to give her a better sleep.
Jenny says
Thansks Nicole and Jessica for your responses. The guilt of co-sleeping does weigh down on me at times but I’m forced to do it out of necessity. I’m still exhausted because I’m such a light sleeper and my little guy tosses and turns and cries out sparatically throughout the night. So, I’m still sleep deprived and torn about how to help fix his sleep behaviors. I hate to throw my arms up in the air and just give up because I want more than anything to help him learn to sleep on his own. If I put him down awake he stands up and starts bouncing in his crib and crying so I’m forced to hold him. Its a vicious cycle that I know that I created by waiting to long to sleep train.
jessica miller says
jenny,
i just had to respond to you because i am always saddened when i hear mothers ask if they have ruined their child by cosleeping and nursing to sleep. if anything you have done just the opposite. long before and still in many cultures worldwide, this instinctual parenting was the norm. unfortunately, women are made to feel guilty and inept if their babies wake, cosleep or nurse to sleep. This is not only normal but natural and many babies thrive this way. especially if you are a working parent cosleeping is a great way to bond and make up for lost time during the day. there are many great resources available to you with a vast amount of research backing the positive long and short term benefits to cosleeping.