Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? It depends. It is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give him/her lots of love and affection! It’s only when rocking your baby becomes something you can’t keep up with that it is a problem. Let’s take a step back and let me explain what a sleep association is.
What is your sleep association? How do you fall asleep?
What kind of routine do you do before you go to sleep each night? Do you watch TV? Talk to your partner? Do you read a book? Do you sleep on a pillow? These are the types of things you associate with going to sleep each night. What would happen if your power was out and you couldn’t watch the news or read your book? Would you have trouble falling asleep? Perhaps. Or, perhaps not. Would you have trouble going to sleep without your pillow? That might be more likely to give you trouble. Some sleep associations are stronger than others. What if you went to sleep with your pillow and covers and 2 hours later woke up and they were GONE!? Would you be able to go back to sleep without looking for the pillow? Now let’s look at how this concept of ‘sleep associations’ might affect your baby/child.
What is your child’s sleep association? How does your child fall asleep?
Let’s look at how many babies fall asleep. They might fall asleep while their mother or father is rocking them in a rocking chair, bundled up and very cozy in their parent’s arms. Or, they may fall asleep nursing or drinking their bottle. Or, perhaps they doze off with the simple use of a pacifier. Minus the teeth issue with formula later on, there isn’t a problem with any of these methods of falling asleep until it is a problem.
From the time my son was an itty bitty baby, he loved to be walked, rocked and nursed to sleep. He also loved napping in the moving swing. At first this was not a problem. He would fall asleep quickly and we’d put him down. But, several weeks later, I found myself rocking him for 2-3 hours each night to put him to bed. He’d fall asleep easily, but then when I put him down he’d wake up! Ah! And, then I’d need to repeat it every 1-2 hours when he woke up. It was exhausting and I was at the end of my rope! So, we took to co-sleeping, which got us both more sleep, yet I was so nervous I’d roll on top of him or my husband or I would cover him with blankets. I’m not the best sleeper, so every time he’d want to nurse, I’d have trouble going back to sleep (and I never got good and switching sides without actually switching sides either). Co-sleeping works for many and I’m not knocking it. It just didn’t work for us and it is important for every family to learn what works for them best. After learning about sleep associations I was able to transfer him back to his crib at 4 months old and we both got a LOT more sleep then!
The problem with sleep associations lies in the fact that your baby needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fell asleep. YOU become their “pillow” and when they wake up through sleep transitions (that we ALL have!) and their “pillow” is gone, they don’t know how to go back to sleep. So, the key is to allow them to go to sleep the same way they will wake up periodically throughout the night. If they wake up briefly and you’ve “disappeared” or the movement has stopped (as with my son) or their pacifier is gone or…they will wake up more and have to call out to you so you can “help” them once again. The beauty of this is that after they get to be about 3-4 months, they really don’t “need” you as much as you might think and they can actually learn to fall asleep on their own, if they haven’t learned already up to this point.
One final thought. I want to reiterate that rocking your baby, using a pacifier, nursing or drinking a bottle before bed, etc. are not bad things to do. If you don’t mind rocking your baby for 10 minutes and (s)he falls asleep, you transfer him/her to his/her bed and (s)he sleeps all night, then there is no problem. It’s only when you can’t keep up with the (insert sleep association) that it becomes a problem. Keep in mind that your sleep fragmentation that makes you exhausted is no better for your baby than it is for you. If you are cranky, don’t you think (s)he will be, too, over time? I would have LOVED to rock my son and boy did I try (unintentionally — just in my nature). We slipped back into bad habits more times than I wanted to count, but it just became a hitch for him EVERY time. In the end, I was able to continue to nurse him to sleep once he learned the necessary skills to go BACK to sleep throughout the rest of the night. With opportunity and practice we can all learn a new way to sleep, even without a pillow!
Amanda says
Dana I wouldnt be concerned….. I would co-sleep with Jack because when he was born the Dr broke his colar bone when he was delivered by a c-section ( and he only sleep if I held him slightly or in his rocker) To promote the cot I put the side down and would transfer him to his cot when he feel asleep…. after he was calm and happy the side went up and I places him in a sling and rocked him to sleep…… and put him in Now Jack sleeps in his cot… No worries… he just doesnt sleep very much as you can see on the precious post…. If you ever need support I will try my best to help…
Amanda says
I think reading all these posts made me feel worse….. None of these babies have anything to worry about…
Jacks Routine:
9am: Feed
11am cereal+ 60mls milk and fruit
12 pm or1pm Bottle and sleep/nap till 2pm
3.30 Fruit yogurt biscuits
5:40 pm Bath
Even if I dont bath him he still want to sleep…. So i have a shower while he is in bath… otherwise I wouldnt get one because he is awake the rest of the time….
6;00pm sleep
If I ignore his sleep he will scream and fall asleep on the floor… he go to sleep 9 30 then be up half hour later and be up till 4 or sleep till 3 and wont go back to sleep….
8:30pm awake
9;30 Dinner
sleep/bottle at 12pm or 1pm —- Every night…….. EVERY NIGHT!!!!!
I do not want to say poor me… but honestly it seems I am the only one that has this possum sleep …. Cutting out sleep doesnt work…. So what am I to do ? —- I get upset sometimes when mum brag about their child sleeping but then I look at their child development and think well yes but your child isnt advanced so you dont know what is like to have such an active, alert and constantly on the go child………( I do not mean my comment in a way that lowers the other child or I think Jack is better at all…. all child are different but it seems sometimes I am the only one that knows this?)
Should I be concerned…
Jack has been standing since 7 months and fully walking now… His fine motor and gross motor skill are 2 months ahead…. I just think this has something to do with his sleep… Being smart means sleep sleep ?
Dana says
My son (who’s 6 1/2 months old) will ONLY nap in his swing (or his car seat). He protests his crib for naps (and I mean screams), but goes down (fairly) easy for night time. How do I break him of this habit and how do I set a nap schedule?! It sure would make my days a little easier having some type of a schedule! Any suggestions?
Kimberly says
Dana- I would really suggest that you check out Nicole’s e-book, Mastering Naps and Schedules. She covers all things related to better napping and getting your baby on a good daytime/nap schedule. You can find more about the book here: http://babynapswell.com
rachel says
My 9 month old has always slept only about 4-5 hours before waking up to breastfeed. She had acid reflux until she was about 6 months so she could only eat small amounts. I was ok with this up until now but it seems like I am just getting more and more tired from waking 2/3 times a night and can not keep up with her and my three year old during the day. Not to mention trying to keep up with my part time business. At this point I have tried the self soothing (all she does is scream until she gets what she wants, breast) and having my husband try to rock her, putting her down awake and letting her fall asleep, all this does not change the fact she still wakes up. It seems she will do this until I stop breast feeding? I am starting to give her bottles/formula during the day to get her used to other ways of eating but she does not like to take it from me! Help!
Kimberly says
Hi Rachel,
Typically at this age, a baby can go all night without a feeding. If you read through this post (https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean/), you’ll see that it’s right about at this age that Nicole recommend considering giving night weaning a try. A 9 month might still need one feeding to get through the night depending on how much she’s eating during the day but that can be from a bottle. Other considerations here are whether or not she has learned to be able to fall asleep on her own and/or to go back to sleep on her own. If she’s solely relying on breastfeeding to go to sleep and to fall asleep and her wakings are not just about feeding. I’d recommend that you also check out some of the Nicole’s one on one email consultation services as she can often help quite a bit in just one or two emails. You can find more information here about those services: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/
Cassie says
Thanks so much for your response. Coulter began solids at 5 months, eats 3 meals a day (1/2 to 1 stage 1 container each meal). He generally eats 10 oz of breastmilk a day (during the week) via bottle and nurses twice at night before bed and in the morning before the sitter. Then there are the dreaded 3 nursing sessions at night! His schedule is a lot like the 7 month schedule 1 with the staggered feedings. He has two solid naps (1-2 hrs each) then a late afternoon catnap (30 min). Maybe I am expecting too much from him since I have friends with younger babies sleeping better and because my pedi and other sites and resources say he should be sleeping ‘through the night’ at this point. Also, my daughter (now 3) was a horrible sleeper as well, but she is my ‘spirited’ child. He is a lot more laid back, so I hoped for more sleep this go round. Again, thank you and I will consult with Nicole!
Cassie says
My son is 5 1/2 months. He has no trouble falling asleep, but wakes up a ton during the night. He is in his room and I breastfeed/at sitter w/ pumped milk during the day. He was sleeping 5-6 hour chunks until he hit the 3.5 month mark and now I feel I nurse him more frequently at night then during the day. He eats every 3 hours at night (every 3-4 during the day). I can occassionally give him his paci, pat him and sshhh him and he will go back to sleep, but then will wake again 15-30 min later just to get him back down again. I tried CIO and he will cry for as long as I let him until I give in a feed him (have let him cry for up to 2 hrs for a few consecutive nights). I know he still may need to eat once at night, no problem there, but EVERY 3 hours is exhausting. Again, I can stretch that out occassionally, but that means I am up every 15-30 min to get him back to sleep temporarily where as if I just feed him I know I will get another 2.5 hrs before he wakes again. Everything I have read speaks of trouble falling asleep. He will go down wide awake with no fussing, but the waking ‘to eat’ is our issue. Thoughts/comments?! Thanks!
Kimberly says
Hi Cassie,
My first thoughts are about how much is he eating and sleeping during the day. Too little of either sleep or food can affect his nighttime sleep. At this age he will still need a couple of feedings at night as 10-12 without eating would most likely be too long for a baby this age. As a first step, I’d take a look at this post about schedules for a 6 month old and compare it with yours to see if you can identify where he may need an additional feeding or where he might not be getting enough nap time. https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/6-month-old-baby-schedule/ You don’t mention if he’s eating solids yet so that could factor in as well. I’d also recommend contacting Nicole for some specialized sleep consultation. She can help create a plan that specific to your situation and that fits with your family philosophy. https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/
jmt says
Thank you for your insight! I’m struggling with getting my 6 month old to sleep with my having to nurse him to sleep. We have been co-sleeping so that I can get the rest I need but we are wanting to transfer him to his crib. Like you said, as soon as I lay him down, he wakes and cries. And if I’m lucky enough that he doesn’t “catch” me sneaking out, he wakes up within a few hours wanting me to nurse him back to sleep. I’m his “pacifier” and although I love him, I NEED A BREAK! 🙂
Kimberly says
Glad you found it helpful. It does sound like there are some sleep associations that you’ll need work on breaking with him when you’re ready to start some sleep training. I’d recommend checking out this post as a place to start: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/ or consider buying Nicole’s e-book at http://www.babysleepswell.com/. It covers exactly how work on helping your little guy learn to fall asleep and get back to sleep on his own without you. Wishing you and your baby good sleep soon!
Kelly says
Our issues sound just like Zena’s and Adi’s. My daughter is just shy of 4 months. She has a nursing association and the problem is that it takes 1.5-2 hours of nursing to get her back to sleep during the night. This was not such a big deal when she was sleeping anywhere from 5 to 9 hours as her first sleep “chunk” of the night. But now she is waking after an hour of going to sleep and doesn’t sleep for more than an hour and a half or so without waking again (and the process repeats). It is like night time has become a series of naps with no long stretch and there is possibly more nursing than sleeping going on. I am not sleeping at all because I don’t fall back asleep very easily either!
Is she old enough to start sleep training using your methods? I don’t know what your methods are yet but I’m considering downloading the book. I am desperate to stop the association but I know that she will cry for hours if I put her down awake – it has happened. Once we let her cry through the night without going to her. She cried for an hour and a half each time and barely slept. It was awful and we felt it was cruel and wrong and the result was that nobody slept so I went back to the all night nursing. I cannot keep doing this – I am exhausted beyond words and need to start working soon so I will need my sleep – and so does she!
Kimberly says
Hi Kelly,
I would highly recommend downloading the book if you haven’t already as it can help you get on the road to establishing good sleep patterns. At 4 months old, she’s still pretty young and will need feedings during the night, but certainly, it would be helpful for there to less feedings or for it take less time to get her back down with longer stretches of sleep in between. I’d also recommend you check out this post on 4 month old schedules and try to work on getting her on a good day time schedule as daytime sleep (or lack of it) can affect the nighttime sleep. https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/4-month-old-schedule/ You might also consider seeking personalized sleep consultations from Nicole for a strategy specific to your family and your situation.
Rachel says
Nicole…Do you consider swaddling a sleep association? My almost 5 month old naps really well and had been sleeping 8pm-6am no problem..but in the past week hes breaking out of his swaddle and his hands are flailing in his face. I’ve tried just one arm swaddled and it really hasn’t worked either.
Adi says
Zena– I have the same dilemma (to put it lightly) with my almost-10-month-old. He nurses to sleep (naps and at night) and wakes every 3 hrs. to eat. I co-sleep because I was going batty from having to stay in the room with him for HOURS because he’d woken up when I tried to transfer him to the crib and had to re-feed him (his sleep association) to get him sleeping again. When I transferred him to the crib he’d cry till he’s gagging and about to throw up; face, pj’s and sheet soaked with tears and there’s no way my husband and I can go through the pain of hearing him like this..so we go around like wrecks throughout the day because of lack of sleep. Help. Help. Help
Nicole says
@Adi I remember those days. 🙁 I hope you can find a method that suits your son’s personality. There are many methods to choose from. Good luck!