Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? It depends. It is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give him/her lots of love and affection! It’s only when rocking your baby becomes something you can’t keep up with that it is a problem. Let’s take a step back and let me explain what a sleep association is.
What is your sleep association? How do you fall asleep?
What kind of routine do you do before you go to sleep each night? Do you watch TV? Talk to your partner? Do you read a book? Do you sleep on a pillow? These are the types of things you associate with going to sleep each night. What would happen if your power was out and you couldn’t watch the news or read your book? Would you have trouble falling asleep? Perhaps. Or, perhaps not. Would you have trouble going to sleep without your pillow? That might be more likely to give you trouble. Some sleep associations are stronger than others. What if you went to sleep with your pillow and covers and 2 hours later woke up and they were GONE!? Would you be able to go back to sleep without looking for the pillow? Now let’s look at how this concept of ‘sleep associations’ might affect your baby/child.
What is your child’s sleep association? How does your child fall asleep?
Let’s look at how many babies fall asleep. They might fall asleep while their mother or father is rocking them in a rocking chair, bundled up and very cozy in their parent’s arms. Or, they may fall asleep nursing or drinking their bottle. Or, perhaps they doze off with the simple use of a pacifier. Minus the teeth issue with formula later on, there isn’t a problem with any of these methods of falling asleep until it is a problem.
From the time my son was an itty bitty baby, he loved to be walked, rocked and nursed to sleep. He also loved napping in the moving swing. At first this was not a problem. He would fall asleep quickly and we’d put him down. But, several weeks later, I found myself rocking him for 2-3 hours each night to put him to bed. He’d fall asleep easily, but then when I put him down he’d wake up! Ah! And, then I’d need to repeat it every 1-2 hours when he woke up. It was exhausting and I was at the end of my rope! So, we took to co-sleeping, which got us both more sleep, yet I was so nervous I’d roll on top of him or my husband or I would cover him with blankets. I’m not the best sleeper, so every time he’d want to nurse, I’d have trouble going back to sleep (and I never got good and switching sides without actually switching sides either). Co-sleeping works for many and I’m not knocking it. It just didn’t work for us and it is important for every family to learn what works for them best. After learning about sleep associations I was able to transfer him back to his crib at 4 months old and we both got a LOT more sleep then!
The problem with sleep associations lies in the fact that your baby needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fell asleep. YOU become their “pillow” and when they wake up through sleep transitions (that we ALL have!) and their “pillow” is gone, they don’t know how to go back to sleep. So, the key is to allow them to go to sleep the same way they will wake up periodically throughout the night. If they wake up briefly and you’ve “disappeared” or the movement has stopped (as with my son) or their pacifier is gone or…they will wake up more and have to call out to you so you can “help” them once again. The beauty of this is that after they get to be about 3-4 months, they really don’t “need” you as much as you might think and they can actually learn to fall asleep on their own, if they haven’t learned already up to this point.
One final thought. I want to reiterate that rocking your baby, using a pacifier, nursing or drinking a bottle before bed, etc. are not bad things to do. If you don’t mind rocking your baby for 10 minutes and (s)he falls asleep, you transfer him/her to his/her bed and (s)he sleeps all night, then there is no problem. It’s only when you can’t keep up with the (insert sleep association) that it becomes a problem. Keep in mind that your sleep fragmentation that makes you exhausted is no better for your baby than it is for you. If you are cranky, don’t you think (s)he will be, too, over time? I would have LOVED to rock my son and boy did I try (unintentionally — just in my nature). We slipped back into bad habits more times than I wanted to count, but it just became a hitch for him EVERY time. In the end, I was able to continue to nurse him to sleep once he learned the necessary skills to go BACK to sleep throughout the rest of the night. With opportunity and practice we can all learn a new way to sleep, even without a pillow!
What kind of sleep associations do you have? What about your child? Scroll down to share your tips, to ask questions, and to hear from other parents just like you!
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Debbye says
@ Allison- One reason that many people choose to give their baby a meal upon waking instead of before sleep is to not create any “sleep associations” with feedings. By feeding when a baby wakes up, you can be certain that he/she is not falling asleep eating and therefore can learn to fall asleep on his/her own, or at least not have a habit of needing to eat to fall asleep! Of course, this is NOT a rule… Many people feed before sleep, and that is just great! It’s most important to find and do what works for you!
@ Alexia- I am sure you’ve heard the adage “It’s not a problem till it’s a problem.” That would be true in the case of pacifier use for sleep too. If it has become a problem, then you will want to wean her form the pacifier at night. There is no magic cure, unfortunately, but your daughter is young enough that it should not take too long for her to learn and adjust to sleeping without it. The first few days are generally the roughest, just like any sleep training. If you’d like more personalized help, you can read about all of our sleep consulting services here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/services
Best of luck!!!
@ Lori- Good luck with the sleep training! You can tackle one thing at a time, or everything at once. That is up to you and your husband. You mentioned removing the swaddle first… You can slowly take the swaddle away by basically unwrapping one boday part at a time until he is no longer swaddled. Wrap him with one arm out for a night or two, then both arms, then legs. Otherwise, you know that he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own, and you sound pretty ready. If you haven’t chosen a method yet, here is a link to a series of articles that may be helpful: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-training-from-no-cry-to-cry-series-part-1/
Remember to try and stay consistent, and that the first days will be the roughest!
Good luck!!!
@ Brandi- Yes, sshhing and patting can become a sleep prop, but no, that does not mean that you will HAVE to do CIO. Sometimes the sshhing and patting works great and does not become a sleep association, but on the other hand, for some babies it does hinder sleep. Think of it as just a step in the process. Once your baby is used to falling asleep without the original association you were trying to break, and napping longer with the patting, you can begin to pull back on the sshhing and patting. Your instincts will tell you too. Your baby is on the young side, and sometimes babies simply need more time to learn to sleep!
Good luck!!!
@ Leona- I am sorry you guys are having such a hard time! It is a good sign though that he CAN sleep through sometimes! This age can be a hard one for babies sleep. Here is a link to an article about this “sleep regression.” https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/8-9-10-month-old-baby-sleep-regression/
Whether a bottle association, rocking, or otherwise, you will basically treat them all the same, and may want to begin some sleep training to help him get to sleep and back to sleep on his own. Most importantly, be sure he is on a good schedule for his age, (https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/ ) choose a game plan, and be consistent. Hopefully things will smooth out soon!
Leona says
Hi everyone,
My nine month old boy has sleep associations created by us 🙁
He used to fall asleep after his bottle and we would put him into his crib not fully asleep but with his eyes closed. If he woke it was only once and we would feeb him and he would sleep through after. Then we went home to Ireland on a trip and things are terrible since. We have stoped the bottle but the screaming and screaming when he wakes is awful and we have to rock him for a minimum of an hour before he goes back down (this will be after several attempts).
He uses a bottle for his naps too and since we came home he will not take an afternoon nap. The thing is that he CAN sleep through and does it sometimes and also he CAN put himself back to sleep after he wakes.
I think he is teething but he is always teething and I’m not sure that can always be the reason.
Any help in busting the bottle and rocking associations and also general help is appreciated. We are slowly going mad.
Leona
Brandi says
Dear Nicole,
I am wondering if shush-pat would also be a sleep prop. I have been doing controlled crying for 5 days now with our 4.5 month old and the success is very patchy. The shush pat seems to be working for getting him past the cranky stage (while lying in his crib) and also often works to extend naps as he wakes at the 30-35 minute mark every nap.
But is this too a prop? Am I hindering his self-soothe development? And will have to end up doing CIO anyway?
Lori says
My 6-month-old needs a pacifier and swaddle to fall asleep. I have no idea how to break him of these. He sleeps fine from about 6:30 to 11pm or 12am. Then, he wants to be rocked. I put him down awake (sometimes wide awake), and he goes to sleep fine. However, from his first wake-up, he’s up every 2-3 hours. I nurse him twice and rock him the other times, and he’s up for good around 5am (obviously still tired). Sometimes, I can get him to go back to sleep around 6am, but not always. We are going to do some sleep training next week (my husband is taking a week off), and we are going to break him of the swaddle first. I really don’t know where to start. If I had known about sleep associations before, I definitely would have done things differently! Great article!
Alexia says
I have a 5 month old who wakes during the night, but not to eat, just for her pacifier. Sometimes she will fall back to sleep on her own but sometimes she won’t. Some night she only does this a couple of times, but other night it seems like every couple of hours. Can you help with this kind of situation?
Allison says
Just wondering if everyone give their child a feeding after the nap in stead of before? My daughter is 10 1/2 months and I always give her her bottle just before I lay her down for the nap. I noticed in everyone’s schedule here though, it seems like the feeding is given after the nap. What do you suggest and why?
carmelite says
My 4 month old was sleeping a 6-8 hour stretch at night two weeks ago, but that first stretch of the night dropped to just 5 hours, then 4 hours, then 3, and now he only goes 1 or 2 before the waking begins. He then wakes up every 1/2 to 2 hours throughout the night. He has never napped well. He has always had difficulty pooping, since birth (cries, squirms, screams and has lots of gas, won’t poop unless held in specific positions), and I think this was often a factor in making him a poor napper b/c he would wake for every fart, and would cry for hours trying to poop, bypassing any chance of a nap. Between 6 and 10 weeks he pretty much cried all the time that he was awake. He always slept well at night though, and never pooped at night until recently. Now, in addition to all of the awakenings to eat at night, he gets up between 2:30am and 4:00am every night to poop, which is an hour long process for him.
He has always fallen asleep either breast feeding, being rocked, or in his swing, and is almost always swaddled.
Needless to say, I am dangerously exhausted these days, and he is pretty cranky too.
Do you think the change in nighttime sleep patterns is due to an association problem? I am so paranoid that he is having more gastrointestinal distress, or is teething, or something like that. He has been such a fussy baby but had been doing much better lately. Any change in his patterns terrifies me that he is getting worse again.
Nikki says
My problem is similar to Jenn’s. I feed my 4 month old boy about 7.30pm and put him down to bed awake and he settles himself quickly. He then wakes up between 3am and 4am when we do a nappy change and feed and then he goes back down again until about 8.30am. However over the last few nights he has woken up at 1am and 5am. I’m wondering if i should be feeding him again or whether i should let him cry it out so he drifts back off to sleep?! I don’t want him getting into the habit of thinking he gets a feed everytime he wakes in the night? What would you recommend?
Cam says
Hello-
I think my problem is similar to a few posts but was hoping you could give me some insight. My son is 7 months old and typically eats before going to bed but doesnt fall asleep while eating. I’ll put him in his crib with the pacifier and then he falls asleep watching the mobile. He has never slept through the night. He wakes up atleast twice to eat and sometimes I think because he is startled or wants the pacifier. I’ve read about the cry it out method but I’m just not sure if that’s what I should try or if so, exactly how. I’ve also heard that he doesn’t need to eat in the middle of the night-it’s just habit. When he does eat at night, it’s usually 6-7 ounces so I feel like he’s really hungry. I don’t mind getting up if he really needs the milk but it seems like everyone I talk to their babies sleep atleast 6-7 hours at one time. I’m afraid Luke isn’t getting enough good sleep in a row and I’m pretty exhausted too. Any suggestions?
Jenn Focke says
This is my first and I have twins. But one of my 4 month old’s is not doing well at night. We eat at 730pm and we put him/them down awake. He falls asleep fine and then wakes about 130am to eat a full feeding. But then he ALWAYS wakes up again either at 3:30 am or 5:30 am. – we try not to pick him up but even after patting his back, feeding (usually 2oz) and even a paci he often drifts in and out of sleep with bouts of crying and then we repeat the back rub and paci… after a few cycles that take about an hour-1.5 hours i finally crater and just bring him into the bed with me where he falls right to sleep and sleeps until 730am!
Do we need to just let him cry it out at 3:30 or 5:30?
Desperate……