When a family is expecting a new baby, one thing that’s likely high on the to-do list is setting up a nursery. That’s one of the fun parts of being pregnant, after all — buying cute nursery stuff makes up for all the nausea, leg cramps, and constant trips to the bathroom! 😉
What is Room-sharing?
When setting up a nursery for your baby, you’ll probably include a crib in your plans. Whether or not your baby will sleep there, though, is less certain. Plenty of parents prefer keeping their babies (especially newborns) nearby at night. These parents often sleep their babies in bassinets near (or right next to) their own beds. This practice is called room-sharing.
Room-sharing directly affects sleep (both yours and your baby’s); whether those effects are good or bad (sleep-wise) varies from family to family. Some families find that room-sharing helps everyone sleep better; for others, the opposite is true.
In this article, we’ll explore all the ways (good and bad) that room-sharing affects sleep. However, before we continue, I should note that room-sharing and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Room-sharing is considered safe; bed-sharing, however, is inherently risky, if precautions aren’t taken. We’ll talk primarily about room-sharing in this article.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Good
Whether your baby sleeps in your room or you sleep in hers, there can be some definite advantages to keeping your little one close by.
- It’s breastfeeding-friendly. This is especially true if you use something like the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper; one side drops, allowing the bassinet to be pushed up right next to mom’s side of the bed. When baby is so close at hand, it eliminates the need to get up and walk down the hall, leading to faster nighttime feeds and more sleep for mom.
- You can monitor baby easily. When you and baby share a room, you’re better able to monitor him throughout the night. And this makes a difference: according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, room-sharing can actually help reduce the risk of SIDS. Some parents find that having constant access to their baby throughout the night actually helps them (the parents) sleep better, since there’s no wondering if baby’s too hot or cold, or if baby’s still breathing.
- Nighttime fussiness is quickly resolved. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that hunger isn’t the only reason a baby wakes during the night. Babies wake due to discomfort, or because they need their pacifiers replaced, or simply because they’re going through a sleep regression. And when baby’s nearby, it’s much easier for mom and dad to offer comfort. After all, simply rolling over and replacing baby’s pacifier is easy; walking across the house to do it (especially if you’re doing it 10 times each night!) is frustrating.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Not-So-Good
There are plenty of families who find that room-sharing disturbs everyone’s sleep (including baby’s).
- You hear every.single.sound. This was me! When my oldest son was a newborn, he slept in a pack-n-play right next to my bed. That arrangement lasted a grand total of 3 nights. Turns out becoming a mom had given me the hearing of a bat; every little hiccup or sigh or grunt from my son caused me to wake instantly. It wasn’t until I moved him down the hall that I finally started getting some sleep! Your baby may also hear every single sound you make, which is not so good, if you have a snorer in the family or an early riser.
- You might be tempted to check on baby constantly. This goes right along with the last point; when you hear every sound your baby makes, you end up checking on your baby all the time. (You know — just to make sure that sneeze wasn’t something serious! 😉 ) Not only does this wreak havoc on your own sleep; it can disturb your baby’s, too. Often, those little sights and grunts happen when baby is fast asleep; when you check on her, you risk actually waking her up.
- Your baby can develop less-than-ideal sleeping habits. This dovetails with the “nighttime fussiness” point in the last section. When you’re room-sharing, it’s easy to stop nighttime crying by offering the breast (after all, how many people can sleep next to an all-night buffet and not eat?), or replacing the pacifier. And that’s a good short-term solution; everyone will get more sleep on that particular night. But is it a good long-term solution? If that happens every night, your baby runs the risk of developing major sleep associations. And of course, sleep associations ultimately mean less sleep for you and, especially, for your baby.
Baby bedtimes are very early compared to an adult’s bedtime. Not many adults want to go to bed around 7 or 8 PM. Similarly, some parents need to get up early before the baby to go to the gym, get ready for work, clean, etc. When you’re sharing a room, that can get tricky! You may want to consider using a SlumberPod® (pictured here) such that your baby may not be disturbed while you read before bed or get ready in the morning. It’s a perfect solution and if you use Coupon Code BABYSLEEPSITE20, you can get $20 off!
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: there is no one-size-fits-all solution for baby sleep. Room-sharing is a perfect arrangement for some families; it’s decidedly not for others. We recommend finding the solution that allows everyone in your family to get the rest they need (including you!) That might be room-sharing; it might be something else.
Nicole’s Note:
“When my youngest was born, we planned on having him in a bassinet in our room. He *hated* it! Never slept even one minute in it. We switched to a Close and Secure Sleeper between us after that and he was so noisy! I would ‘pat him back to sleep’ even when he was sleeping! LOL That was the end of room-sharing for us with that one. 🙂 But, we have many clients who room share successfully. All babies (and situations) are unique!”
Have you tried room-sharing? Does it work for you? Share your story!
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Bria says
Sadly, you’re leaving out a very important reason for room/bed sharing. It is true that Mama typically sleeps far more lightly when baby is rooming in with her but this has biological origins. Mamas and babies are in tune with one another in utero and after birth. This is actually a primal response so that even in sleep, we are able to protect our infants. Mothers often wake shortly before their babies rouse to nurse. Studies have also shown that when babies are in close proximity to their mothers, the mother’s breathing helps to regulate the baby’s own still irregular breathing. This, contrary to popular belief, actually significantly reduces the risk of SIDS as a mother’s breathing can actually prevent a baby from stopping breathing and not starting again.
We as a society have become far too selfish in matters such as this. Yes, it’s true. I have been more sleep deprived in the past year than I have ever been in my life but I can still function. Our children are little for only so long. Doing what is best for them in the early months (or longer should one choose) is far safer and healthier than sticking them in a room down the hall with the door closed.
Lisa says
@ Ebony- I would love to know the schedule you have for your 6 month old! Please share 🙂
We room share with our 6 month old since the other bedrooms are occupied by my almost 13 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old.
It has it’s ups and downs for sure. I do find myself asking my oldest and hubby to be like stealth ninjas walking in there at night. I also respond quicker than I think I should at the sound of her first whimper.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Michelle — that has to be tough! We’ve always had at least one extra bedroom to put a baby in, so that’s been helpful. Hoping you end up with a bit more room once you move!
@ Alison — stay tuned! I’ll try to remember all the concerns moms are voicing here about sibling room-sharing, so that I can work them into that article. 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Rochelle — I wouldn’t say crazy; when my husband, my two boys, and I were living in a 650 sq. ft. bungalow, I used to put my youngest in a pack and play in the teeny tiny little galley kitchen on nights when he just wouldn’t sleep well, so that his crying wouldn’t wake his brother.
So I don’t think you’re crazy at all!
You may just want to let your MIL know about your concerns, and encourage her to not start any bad habits with your baby (i.e. rocking to sleep each night.) See if that works; if not, resort to more drastic measure, like bathroom-sleeping. 😉
Alison says
Ditto on the interest in an article on sibling room-sharing! Looking forward to reading that one in October!
Michelle says
Not so much room sharing as small-apartment-sharing. We live in a 650 sq. feet studio apartment in Manhattan. The crib is in the foyer, right outside the kitchen. Once our LO is asleep, we have to tiptoe around and speak softly. We drape a blanket over the side so when we have to turn the light on in the kitchen, it doesn’t shine right into her eyes. A savior for us since the newborn stage has been white noise–a radio turned to static, that masks some of the other noise in the place, so we can watch TV, etc. But sometimes noise still wakes her. I have been concerned about her not having her own space and how that affects her sleep (she is 8.5 months) and we hope to move by the New Year.
Rochelle says
We did bed sharing for the first couple months and then room sharing for the next couple months after that. I never slept well, even when our daughter wasn’t waking up to eat. We switched to the crib around 5 or 6 months I think. It wasn’t long after that when I decided to completely turn off the monitor and keep the bedroom doors open. It wasn’t long after that when I decided to shut both doors and have the monitor off. When she woke, I could still hear her but I didn’t wake up with my heart pounding in distress which would help me get back to sleep easier. Now she doesn’t have any night wakings that I hear. Maybe whimpers here and there but she can successfully get herself to bed at 12 months. My mother in law is coming to help with child care this fall and will be sleeping in our daughters room. I’m very concerned this is going to negatively effect her good sleeping habits that we worked very hard to establish. I’ve even thought I might put her crib in the second bathroom and use it only has a bedroom, not a bathroom when my MIL comes (this apartment is handicap accessible and has two large bathrooms). My husband thinks I’m crazy. What do you guys think??
Emily DeJeu says
@ Collin — thanks for sharing your experience with room-sharing! Sounds like it’s been a really positive experience for you and your family — I’m glad!
You make a good point about the baby monitors — in a way, those can almost be like having your baby right next to you. So if you’re bothered by hearing every sound your baby makes (like I was), having a monitor turned up to top volume isn’t really a solution. 🙂 I’ve always just left my door and the door to the nursery partially open; that allows me to hear my kids when they cry, but I don’t hear a lot of their softer, “non-urgent” noises.
Collin says
We room-shared with both our kids. With our son (who just turned 3 years) we had him in our room from July to Christmas when we picked up a video monitor on a Boxing Day sale (day after Christmas and a big shopping sale day in Canada). Then we felt comfortable and felt he would be ok (and so would we). Our sleep didn’t change and neither did his, but we were all sleeping fine by that time with the room sharing also.
Our daughter (who is almost 6 months) is still in our room, but we are moving her to the nursery this week. We had the video monitor from day 1 for her, but we still kept her close because we felt the positives outweighed the negatives.
With a baby monitor where you can actually hear every sound amplified, I don’t think the parent’s sleep is any better with the baby out of the room. If the baby seems sensitive to every little sound, that could be a problem in their own nursery too (in our case right next door to big brother’s room), so I would recommend white noise (some great free iPod/iPhone apps are available). We still use white noise for our son, but our daughter hasn’t seemed to need it yet and actually seemed disturbed by it when we tried it a couple times, so it doesn’t work for everyone.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Emily — as I mentioned to @ Ebony, we have an article on sibling room-sharing coming in early October, so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, here’s my advice: I’d consider waiting to put them in the same room together until your newborn is sleeping semi-consistently and waking a reasonable ## of times each night (maybe 3?) You know how crazy those first 8 or 12 weeks can be, in terms of nighttime waking.
On the other hand, starting you new baby off in the same room as your toddler could help your toddler get used to some of the crying, especially if your toddler tends to be a deep sleeper.
Let us know what works out for you! And stay tuned for that article coming in October. 🙂