When a family is expecting a new baby, one thing that’s likely high on the to-do list is setting up a nursery. That’s one of the fun parts of being pregnant, after all — buying cute nursery stuff makes up for all the nausea, leg cramps, and constant trips to the bathroom! 😉
What is Room-sharing?
When setting up a nursery for your baby, you’ll probably include a crib in your plans. Whether or not your baby will sleep there, though, is less certain. Plenty of parents prefer keeping their babies (especially newborns) nearby at night. These parents often sleep their babies in bassinets near (or right next to) their own beds. This practice is called room-sharing.
Room-sharing directly affects sleep (both yours and your baby’s); whether those effects are good or bad (sleep-wise) varies from family to family. Some families find that room-sharing helps everyone sleep better; for others, the opposite is true.
In this article, we’ll explore all the ways (good and bad) that room-sharing affects sleep. However, before we continue, I should note that room-sharing and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Room-sharing is considered safe; bed-sharing, however, is inherently risky, if precautions aren’t taken. We’ll talk primarily about room-sharing in this article.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Good
Whether your baby sleeps in your room or you sleep in hers, there can be some definite advantages to keeping your little one close by.
- It’s breastfeeding-friendly. This is especially true if you use something like the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper; one side drops, allowing the bassinet to be pushed up right next to mom’s side of the bed. When baby is so close at hand, it eliminates the need to get up and walk down the hall, leading to faster nighttime feeds and more sleep for mom.
- You can monitor baby easily. When you and baby share a room, you’re better able to monitor him throughout the night. And this makes a difference: according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, room-sharing can actually help reduce the risk of SIDS. Some parents find that having constant access to their baby throughout the night actually helps them (the parents) sleep better, since there’s no wondering if baby’s too hot or cold, or if baby’s still breathing.
- Nighttime fussiness is quickly resolved. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that hunger isn’t the only reason a baby wakes during the night. Babies wake due to discomfort, or because they need their pacifiers replaced, or simply because they’re going through a sleep regression. And when baby’s nearby, it’s much easier for mom and dad to offer comfort. After all, simply rolling over and replacing baby’s pacifier is easy; walking across the house to do it (especially if you’re doing it 10 times each night!) is frustrating.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Not-So-Good
There are plenty of families who find that room-sharing disturbs everyone’s sleep (including baby’s).
- You hear every.single.sound. This was me! When my oldest son was a newborn, he slept in a pack-n-play right next to my bed. That arrangement lasted a grand total of 3 nights. Turns out becoming a mom had given me the hearing of a bat; every little hiccup or sigh or grunt from my son caused me to wake instantly. It wasn’t until I moved him down the hall that I finally started getting some sleep! Your baby may also hear every single sound you make, which is not so good, if you have a snorer in the family or an early riser.
- You might be tempted to check on baby constantly. This goes right along with the last point; when you hear every sound your baby makes, you end up checking on your baby all the time. (You know — just to make sure that sneeze wasn’t something serious! 😉 ) Not only does this wreak havoc on your own sleep; it can disturb your baby’s, too. Often, those little sights and grunts happen when baby is fast asleep; when you check on her, you risk actually waking her up.
- Your baby can develop less-than-ideal sleeping habits. This dovetails with the “nighttime fussiness” point in the last section. When you’re room-sharing, it’s easy to stop nighttime crying by offering the breast (after all, how many people can sleep next to an all-night buffet and not eat?), or replacing the pacifier. And that’s a good short-term solution; everyone will get more sleep on that particular night. But is it a good long-term solution? If that happens every night, your baby runs the risk of developing major sleep associations. And of course, sleep associations ultimately mean less sleep for you and, especially, for your baby.
Baby bedtimes are very early compared to an adult’s bedtime. Not many adults want to go to bed around 7 or 8 PM. Similarly, some parents need to get up early before the baby to go to the gym, get ready for work, clean, etc. When you’re sharing a room, that can get tricky! You may want to consider using a SlumberPod® (pictured here) such that your baby may not be disturbed while you read before bed or get ready in the morning. It’s a perfect solution and if you use Coupon Code BABYSLEEPSITE20, you can get $20 off!
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: there is no one-size-fits-all solution for baby sleep. Room-sharing is a perfect arrangement for some families; it’s decidedly not for others. We recommend finding the solution that allows everyone in your family to get the rest they need (including you!) That might be room-sharing; it might be something else.
Nicole’s Note:
“When my youngest was born, we planned on having him in a bassinet in our room. He *hated* it! Never slept even one minute in it. We switched to a Close and Secure Sleeper between us after that and he was so noisy! I would ‘pat him back to sleep’ even when he was sleeping! LOL That was the end of room-sharing for us with that one. 🙂 But, we have many clients who room share successfully. All babies (and situations) are unique!”
Have you tried room-sharing? Does it work for you? Share your story!
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Mel says
@renata – I find having white noise, or in my case ocean waves playing on an mp3 player covers the noise of my husband and I coming to bed and has the bonus of sending us both to sleep. He’s stopped snoring since we started using it – hooray for everyone in my street.
I managed about 6 weeks with my eldest in the room because he was such a noisy sleeper I never got a moment’s peace, even when he wasn’t waking 8 times a night. My youngest is nearly 7 months and still in with us. Not sure if he’s a quieter sleeper or if the white noise masks his funny little noises but he doesn’t wake me til the sun comes up. (it’s like he has sixth sense even with blackout curtains)
Looking forward to the article on siblings sharing though, as it’s about time he joined his big brother. October, you say? Gives me time to rearrange the room/buy a cabin bed to put the cot under/ think about a Montessori floor bed.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Rebecca — as long as your toddler seems to be sleeping well, I’ll bet your little ones are adjusting to room-sharing just fine. 🙂 I know what you mean about the loud breathing, though — my oldest is a noisy, deep sleeper, but my younger son is a quieter, lighter sleeper. I really think, though, that the younger one has gotten used to his older brother’s noises; he sleeps through them without a problem, now.
Dawn — thanks for sharing these details about room-sharing! It’s always interesting to see how kids react to room-sharing as they grow. My boys love being together right now, but I’m guessing that won’t always be the case! 😉
Dawn says
Ha ha ha Emily DeJeu teenagers can definatly be grumpy especially when sleep deprived, I know I was !!! I however am very lucky only 2 of my 4 are occassionally grumpy – my 18 yr old son is fairly moody about sleep and my nearly 13 yr old daughter has become a little moody lately but my 13 yr and 16 yr old sons are very easy going. They actually ask for bubs to sleep in their rooms. They all adore my baby and he has them all wrapped firmly around his little finger lol.
I would like to add that my 3rd son and my daughter (4th baby) room shared for many many years quite successfully. In fact every time I tried to seperate them they complained about it. They began sharing a room when they were 18 months and 6 months old. My son (18 mnths) would wake when bubs woke but once he saw that I was helping her and she was okay he would go straight back to sleep. I can remember a few tricky stages when their daytime sleeps didn’t match, but I would just do everything to get them ready in the lounge and then just put them quickly into their bed. Now at nearly 13 and 13yrs they still have sleep overs in each others rooms during school holidays and weekends.
On the flip side my first two sons room shared for a short time and it didn’t work at all. My 2nd sons personality (highly intelligent and academic) is very different to my other sons (sporty and physical). My 2nd son became quite withdrawn whilst room sharing and really only came into his own when I seperated them.
Rebecca says
My first slept in our room until about a year old, not really by choice, but nonetheless, it was fine up until about 8 months old or so. Once he figured out how to stand in the crib. He got up around 4-5 in the morning and the only way to get him back to sleep was to offer him a bottle. Otherwise, he would keep tossing and turning and end up crying. We even tried giving him water, but that didn’t work either. Once we moved to a bigger place, he had his own room. He got up the first couple of nights and cried for just a few minutes, but after that, he slept the entire night without a problem. With my second, I didn’t really want him in our room, but the only other option was sharing with my oldest. I decided to wait until the baby was sleeping through the night to make the transition. The first few nights were a little rough, but they seem to have adjusted. I do feel bad for the oldest though, because the baby is such a LOUD breather. One of the reasons I couldn’t sleep well when he was in our bedroom. He makes a lot of noise at night, but the oldest is a very quiet sleeper. I’m hoping it doesn’t bother him that his little brother is so loud, but since he’s 2 and doesn’t really talk, there is no way for me to truly know. He doesn’t seem to wake up at night, disturbed in any way, so i guess that’s a good sign!
Emily DeJeu says
@ daniL — thanks for sharing these details! Sounds like room-sharing has worked out beautifully for your family. And that sleep schedule sounds great — a 2.5 year old who sleeps until 9 or 10? I’m green with envy over here. My boys (3.5 and 5) are up with the sun, just about every morning.
Thanks, too, for mentioning the need to prioritize your relationship with your husband. I don’t know first-hand (since my room-sharing experiment was such an unmitigated disaster), but I imagine that room-sharing makes it a little more challenging to get plenty of “together” time for a couple. Encouraging to hear you say that’s possible!
Emily DeJeu says
@ Jadea — Sounds like you’re making the best of a challenging situation. I admire that! It can’t be easy to share such a tiny space, and as you say, as long as you’re there, your little guy may never sleep totally peacefully. But you do what you have to do, right? 😉
@ Dawn — !ow! 4 teenagers and a baby — you must be busy! Honestly, room-sharing sounds like a good arrangement in your case, especially if you know that your baby’s crying would wake up your teenagers. From what I can remember of my teen years, I was NOT a pleasant person right after I woke up! 😉
Emily DeJeu says
@ Lisa — “Stealth ninjas”! I love it! 🙂 My youngest is a really light sleeper, so I try to be as quiet as I can when I’m tiptoeing around in her room at night (or even past her room, for that matter), but our 100 year old house has the loudest, creakiest old floors imaginable. They totally thwart all my stealth ninja techniques. 😉
@ Bria — thanks for sharing your opinion! If you’ll notice, we did point out in the article that room-sharing does produce lower risks of SIDS (and linked to an an AAP article on that topic.) I think most people tend to associate room-sharing with bed-sharing, and so automatically think that having a baby in the parent’s room is going to cause SIDS. And, as you point out, that’s definitely not the case!
I think you raise an interesting point here. I do agree that as parents, we have to curb some of our more selfish tendencies in order to do what’s best for our babies. But I hesitate to call sleeping a baby in a separate room “selfish.” We have to remember that just as every baby is different, every mom is different. Some moms have amazingly high tolerances for sleep deprivation; others (myself included) definitely don’t.
Let’s remember that there’s nothing risky or dangerous about putting a baby to sleep in a crib in a separate room (provided the crib itself is a safe sleep environment). So we don’t want to make parents who choose to do that feel like they’re being selfish. As a few parents have already pointed out, room-sharing can be disruptive for both a parent’s AND a baby’s sleep, so in some cases, it might be in the best interest of everyone involved to sleep baby in a different room!
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, Bria. It’s good to have different viewpoints in the discussion!
daniL says
I have mostly gone with what I felt was right. Lincoln my 2.5 year old, slept in a bassinet for the first couple months until I had gallbladder sugery after which I couldn’t get up to get him so he slept on a boppy between my husband and I until I got better. Then he didn’t like the bassinet b/c it wasn’t very soft,lol. Then we traveled a lot seeing family and living out of state for extended periods of time so he became used to sleeping with us.he was and is a great sleeper just went to bed when we did usually around 10 and woke around9 or 10 the next am. He also had a lot of allergy issues and frequent minor illnesses and I liked having him with me to make sure he was ok. After we started weaning about 18 -20 months, I started working on him sleeping in his bed. I also got pregnant with our lite girl sadie around this time, she is almost 3 months. They both no sleep in their own beds in our room. Sadie we put to sleep around 8:30 then we all go to bed about 10, she wakes to eat then goes back to sleep for about 7 hours. Then my husband leaves for work and the kids and I cuddle til we wake around 9 or 10. I plan to homeschool so the schedule will soon start adjusting but I try to follow the kids lead and encourage it in certain ways. They both go down for a nap between 1 and 3 depending on when they wake and sleep for about 2 hours. If one goes to sleep later or wakes earlier I just spend a little quality time with them. I love my kids and my lifeknda revolves around them, which is ok since my hubby works about 80 hours a week. But we do make efforts to set timeaside just for us, becauseour marriage comes first andour solidarity will ultimately affect our kids. Well, that’s my story 🙂 as complete as I an recall 😉 pregnancy takes a toll on my memory, lol
Dawn says
I am mum of 5 children (4 teenagers and a very unexpected 13 month old). I have room shared with my 13 month old since he was born as we live in a 4 bedroom house and all the rooms are full lol.
I became a single mum during my sons pregnancy and found it was alot easier to have him in my room. I now find it’s better he disturb me than one of the kids going to school tired because he has had an unsettled night.
I am about to transfer him into a bed as he is very tall and has started trying to climb out of his cot – and doing quite a good effort I might add. His bed will be in my room for about another year and then I hope to transition him into one of the boys rooms in bunk beds – my other childrens rooms are on the first storey and mine is all the way at the back of the top storey.
jadea says
thank you for another helpful blog post!
we have no choice but to share a room with baby since we have a small 1 bedroom apt. Our son from the day we brought him home from the hospital just would not sleep well due to waking up from gas. He ended up sleeping with us since it was easier to nurse him back to sleep, especially bc of my husband’s work schedule.
Now he is 20 months and gas issues have subsided drastically, but still sleeping with us. His bedtime troubles are due to associating nursing to sleep and then the alarm noises. I am only trying to set a small goal which is to have him sleep without nursing then we hope to buy a toddler bed.
Unfortunately I know as long as we are in our 1 bedroom apt that he will never have sound sleep even if he learns to fall asleep on his own. We have noise from the alarms, and my husband’s schedule changes so sometimes he comes home late or has to go to work at 2AM.
I find it interesting that some chose to make noise available when newborns were sleeping, I wish we thought of that! Our routine has always been lights off, no noise to sleep so that is what my son is used to. When we are out and it is bedtime he will only go to sleep in a quiet, dark room!