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When a family is expecting a new baby, one thing that’s likely high on the to-do list is setting up a nursery. That’s one of the fun parts of being pregnant, after all — buying cute nursery stuff makes up for all the nausea, leg cramps, and constant trips to the bathroom! 😉
What is Room-sharing?
When setting up a nursery for your baby, you’ll probably include a crib in your plans. Whether or not your baby will sleep there, though, is less certain. Plenty of parents prefer keeping their babies (especially newborns) nearby at night. These parents often sleep their babies in bassinets near (or right next to) their own beds. This practice is called room-sharing.
Room-sharing directly affects sleep (both yours and your baby’s); whether those effects are good or bad (sleep-wise) varies from family to family. Some families find that room-sharing helps everyone sleep better; for others, the opposite is true.
In this article, we’ll explore all the ways (good and bad) that room-sharing affects sleep. However, before we continue, I should note that room-sharing and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Room-sharing is considered safe; bed-sharing, however, is inherently risky, if precautions aren’t taken. We’ll talk primarily about room-sharing in this article.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Good
Whether your baby sleeps in your room or you sleep in hers, there can be some definite advantages to keeping your little one close by.
- It’s breastfeeding-friendly. This is especially true if you use something like the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper; one side drops, allowing the bassinet to be pushed up right next to mom’s side of the bed. When baby is so close at hand, it eliminates the need to get up and walk down the hall, leading to faster nighttime feeds and more sleep for mom.
- You can monitor baby easily. When you and baby share a room, you’re better able to monitor him throughout the night. And this makes a difference: according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, room-sharing can actually help reduce the risk of SIDS. Some parents find that having constant access to their baby throughout the night actually helps them (the parents) sleep better, since there’s no wondering if baby’s too hot or cold, or if baby’s still breathing.
- Nighttime fussiness is quickly resolved. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that hunger isn’t the only reason a baby wakes during the night. Babies wake due to discomfort, or because they need their pacifiers replaced, or simply because they’re going through a sleep regression. And when baby’s nearby, it’s much easier for mom and dad to offer comfort. After all, simply rolling over and replacing baby’s pacifier is easy; walking across the house to do it (especially if you’re doing it 10 times each night!) is frustrating.
How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Not-So-Good
There are plenty of families who find that room-sharing disturbs everyone’s sleep (including baby’s).
- You hear every.single.sound. This was me! When my oldest son was a newborn, he slept in a pack-n-play right next to my bed. That arrangement lasted a grand total of 3 nights. Turns out becoming a mom had given me the hearing of a bat; every little hiccup or sigh or grunt from my son caused me to wake instantly. It wasn’t until I moved him down the hall that I finally started getting some sleep! Your baby may also hear every single sound you make, which is not so good, if you have a snorer in the family or an early riser.
- You might be tempted to check on baby constantly. This goes right along with the last point; when you hear every sound your baby makes, you end up checking on your baby all the time. (You know — just to make sure that sneeze wasn’t something serious! 😉 ) Not only does this wreak havoc on your own sleep; it can disturb your baby’s, too. Often, those little sights and grunts happen when baby is fast asleep; when you check on her, you risk actually waking her up.
- Your baby can develop less-than-ideal sleeping habits. This dovetails with the “nighttime fussiness” point in the last section. When you’re room-sharing, it’s easy to stop nighttime crying by offering the breast (after all, how many people can sleep next to an all-night buffet and not eat?), or replacing the pacifier. And that’s a good short-term solution; everyone will get more sleep on that particular night. But is it a good long-term solution? If that happens every night, your baby runs the risk of developing major sleep associations. And of course, sleep associations ultimately mean less sleep for you and, especially, for your baby.
Baby bedtimes are very early compared to an adult’s bedtime. Not many adults want to go to bed around 7 or 8 PM. Similarly, some parents need to get up early before the baby to go to the gym, get ready for work, clean, etc. When you’re sharing a room, that can get tricky! You may want to consider using a SlumberPod® (pictured here) such that your baby may not be disturbed while you read before bed or get ready in the morning. It’s a perfect solution and if you use Coupon Code BABYSLEEPSITE20, you can get $20 off!
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: there is no one-size-fits-all solution for baby sleep. Room-sharing is a perfect arrangement for some families; it’s decidedly not for others. We recommend finding the solution that allows everyone in your family to get the rest they need (including you!) That might be room-sharing; it might be something else.
Nicole’s Note:
“When my youngest was born, we planned on having him in a bassinet in our room. He *hated* it! Never slept even one minute in it. We switched to a Close and Secure Sleeper between us after that and he was so noisy! I would ‘pat him back to sleep’ even when he was sleeping! LOL That was the end of room-sharing for us with that one. 🙂 But, we have many clients who room share successfully. All babies (and situations) are unique!”
Have you tried room-sharing? Does it work for you? Share your story!
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Emily DeJeu says
@ Ebony — we’re featuring an article on that topic (sibling room-sharing) in early October. So be sure to check back then! In the meantime, here’s my advice (from personal experience): when you make the switch to having your 2 share a room, you’re going to be in for at least a few bad nights. When we put my sons in a room together, the first week or so (maybe two) was a little rough. But then they quickly adapted to the change and seemed to get used to each other’s little noises. No problems since, and they’ve been sharing a room now for almost 2 years.
@ Tunde — thanks for sharing these tips, and for responding to other commenters! We love it when our readers help each other out. 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Traci — this could be related to the sleep regression that happens around 8/9/10 months. You can read more about that here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/8-9-10-month-old-baby-sleep-regression/
@ Meagan — cheers to “us” space! Glad you were able to make that transition easily 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Frutti — thanks for sharing your experience! Sounds like it was similar to mine 🙂 As for whether or not room-sharing can cause sleep problems, the answer is “maybe”. If your MIL develops a pattern of rocking/soothing your baby to sleep, that could certainly create sleep associations; your baby may get in the habit and eventually NEED those things to fall asleep. On the other hand, it might not. Maybe it’d be best to talk it over with your MIL and see what kind of agreement you can all come to?
@ Renata — For the whopping 3 days I room-shared with my little guy, I tiptoed around and didn’t turn lights on. Didn’t work for me at all. My husband and I like to read and talk before falling asleep, and I didn’t like giving that up.
Emily says
I too was hoping for some advice about sibling room sharing! We are expecting our second child in March, when our son will be 2.5. We live in a two-bedroom apartment, so baby needs to bunk with brother. Is it best to start baby in there right away (so they can get used to each others’ sounds ASAP)? Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated!
Tunde says
Thanks for the article.My husband did something few days after the arrival of our son(now 10mths+),he took him to the tv room and he put the home theatre on,and put it on the highest volume. And the baby slept in that noise. Since then there is no noise that can keep my son awake. The only time he is sensitive to noise is when he is teething.
We sleep together in the same room i don’t have to tiptoe around the room, or be scared of putting the lights on. Though he prefers sleeping on the same bed with us. But i don’t encourage it.
Renata, i suggest u try putting the lights on if he reacts to it ,maybe u should get a color bulb that can help you find your way around the room.
Frutti,i think you baby is teething that is why i think the baby has not been able to sleep well. Some one being around could comfort him.
Traci, i think Gabriel is teething too. my son’s nose runs too when teething, and little cough too. I don’t bother my self as long as i know that he is eating right and get to sleep twice during the day.
That it worked for my baby does not mean it will work for others but my suggestion is based on what i have done with my son and has worked for him.During teething period he does not eat well too, but try to feed him with the little he can take in.
God help us all. God Bless you Nicole Johnson
Ebony says
I thought this article might have spoken to room-sharing for siblings?
Our 6 month old daughter sleeps in her cot in our bedroom and is sleeping from 7pm-8am, sometimes waking once a night around 4am but resettles herself. Our 21 month old son sleeps in his cot in his bedroom and sleeps soundly from 7 30pm-7 30am. It is our intention for them to be in a room together (2 bedroom home) but I’m not sure when and how to make this transition. We’re not in any hurry and we are all in a good rhythm now, just preparing.
Any stories about siblings room-sharing? Any advice about making a smooth transition?
They have different nap times through the day also (at present), which could prove tricky. How might one navigate this?
Thank you kindly
PS ~ Renata, we sneak in. Audrey always stirs a little and often we worry that we’ll wake her up but mostly she sighs a little, moves about a bit and then settles. I really try to respect our babes’ sleep time and often (in fact almost always) put their needs first, which pretty much means keeping a consistent environment for them. As is evidenced in the fact that they both sleep through the night and have sound naps through the day, it seems to work for us all but especially the kids.
Meagan says
We had him in our room for the first 8 months. We especially didn’t want him in his room because it is upstairs, and while I wa still night nursing, I was afraid of going up and down in the dark and exhaustion!
At first it did make everything easier, but as he go a little older he turned out to be a very light sleeper. We had to tiptoe around, hold our breath, and try not to rustle too much when we moved in bed. If I coughed (I have asthma) I’d lay there stiff as a board listening for him to start crying.
We transitioned him upstairs for naps first, which was relatively easy. Night times took a couple days for him to settle, but we’d already done CIO in our own room, so he knew how to get himself to sleep. We made sure to keep to the same routine. EVERYONE was sleeping better almost immediately. He was still night feeding a that point, but I had so much more rest that I wasn’t as worried about going up th stairs a couple times a night. He’s also a much deeper night sleeper now, I’m not sure if that’s from the switch, or just age. And for us it’s been extremely good to have a little “us” space again.
Traci says
We have done room-sharing since the day my 8 1/2 month old daughter was born, though not always by choice. When we first brought Gabriel home from the hospital, we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, because we hadn’t been planning on getting pregnant when we did (though our daughter is SUCH a blessing and if we could go back and do it all again, we definitely would!) So Gabriel slept in a pack-n-play next to the bed for easy nighttime breastfeedings, and because my husband and I both were terrified to not have her in there with us. Breastfeeding ended up not working (though not because of the sleeping conditions) so we eventually switched to a bottle, so that removed the need of having her in the room. We decided when our lease was up to move to a 2 bedroom apartment, but our plans fell through and we had to move into a tiny room (even smaller than our old bedroom) at my sister’s apartment. The apartment we’d planned on still wasn’t ready a month later, so we’ve been spending the past nearly 5 months at my MIL’s house, in a bedroom there. Thankfully the room (and the bed!) is much larger, because we’re in a house. However, I’m starting to think that Gabriel has a hard time sleeping at night because my husband rolls around almost constantly at night, and the bed is so creaky. I can’t let her sleep in the living room by herself at night (though I’ve considered it), because if she DOES wake up, and cry, she’ll wake up my husband’s 97 year old great grandmother that also lives in the house. So we are very limited on our options here, but Gabriel has started not sleeping well in the past week, and I’m not sure what to do. At first, we thought it was because she was sick (VERY runny nose). Three night of no sleeping had us deciding to take her to the doctor, and she has no bacterial infection ANYWHERE. The doctor said she looks perfectly healthy, but if she -is- a little sick, it’s just a virus and there’s not much we can give her. We gave her benadryl to help with the nose runny (and stuffy) ness. That helped with her being able to breathe, and she slept better for one night. Then she started going to bed better at night, but now she wakes up anywhere from 2-6 am when she used to sleep CONSISTENTLY til 7 am. My husband works two jobs and can’t afford the loss of sleep. I think to start with, room-sharing worked really well, but after a certain age and a certain point in baby’s development, the baby needs their own room. Gabriel is cutting teeth, but she never even STARTED to get fussy on the last two teeth. I don’t know if that could be causing it, but we use Hurri-caine and it usually numbs it, and even that’s not helping her sleep. We used to give her a warm lavender bubble bath before bed every night because it would soothe her, but we’ve realized now that now that she can play more easily, it really just riles her up and makes it harder for her to sleep. Any ideas or suggestions on what to do with her would be GREATLY appreciated! God bless.
Renata says
I am eager to hear what others do when they want to go to bed. Do they have to sneak into bed or can you turn lights on and read and chat and do all those things that are part of the winding down process?
Frutti says
Thank you very much for the article! I experienced exactly the same with the initial room sharing, to the point that I was the only person in the house who could never sleep – baby and hubby happily snoring/grunting etc through the night. So I moved the baby to his room very early, to the indignation of my MIL.
Recently my MIL came to visit for one month and we put her in the baby’ room as per her wishes. Soon after that baby started waking up at 4am every day! He also started teething. So I don’t know whether I should move my MIL into a different room or on the contrary keep her with baby so she could comfort him at night as he seems quite in pain sometimes. Can this room sharing create any sleep problems for the baby?
Thank you for all your insight.