Remember when you were a brand-new parent? You had this precious, beautiful new miracle at home. This precious, beautiful, sleepless little miracle. (Of course, some of you won’t have to think back very far — I may be describing the stage you’re in right now!)
Remember the kinds of advice and “helpful tips” you would get about sleep from well-meaning friends and family members? And how much of that advice centered around the concept of ‘baby sleeping through the night‘? So many of our friends, relatives, co-workers (heck, even strangers in the grocery store!) want to chime in with their two cents about when our babies should be sleeping through the night, how to make babies sleep through the night, and all the ways we’re failing as parents if our babies aren’t sleeping through the night.
However, those of you who have managed to resolve your baby’s nighttime waking or to solve your baby’s nap problems, and who have read up on baby sleep, now have a better context for understanding and evaluating that advice. And you probably realize that, while some of what you heard was true and helpful, other bits of advice you got about sleeping through the night were flat-out wrong.
That’s what we’re taking a look at in today’s article, readers — we are examining the top 5 myths our well-meaning friends and family members tell us about babies sleeping through the night.
5 Myths About Babies Sleeping Through The Night
Before we get into our list, it’s important to define our terms. ‘Sleep through the night’ is actually a bit of a misnomer. Many of us (including pediatricians, authors of baby sleep books, and other baby sleep experts) use the term ‘sleep through the night’ to mean 8-10 (or maybe even 12!) straight hours of sleep, with no wakings. Some say that babies are “sleeping through the night” when they can sleep for a 5-hour stretch without waking. Big difference, right?
We’ve found, over the years, that most parents use the first definition. (Because let’s be honest – while a 5-hour stretch of sleep is great, most of us need a little more than that to be functional during the day!) When parents come to us for help with their babies’ sleep, what they want is a solid 8 (or possibly more) hours of uninterrupted sleep. So, for our purposes in this article, we’ll use ‘sleeping through the night’ to mean 8 or more hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Okay, now — on to the myths!
- “All babies can sleep through the night by 4 months.” The toughest thing about this particular myth is that it’s so prevalent — lots of pediatricians are still telling this to parents! And some popular baby sleep books (like On Becoming Babywise, for example) still promote the idea that sleeping through the night by 16 weeks is standard.
Sorry, but in our experience, this just isn’t true. Sure, some babies are ready to sleep for 8/10/12 straight hours by the time they are 4 months old (some do it even earlier – at 8 or 10 weeks), but this certainly isn’t standard for all babies. The truth is, it’s normal for a baby to feed at night up to about 12 months (although we usually recommend at least an attempt at weaning from night feeds at 8 or 9 months, since many babies are ready to sleep through the night without feedings by then).
What’s more, this kind of blanket statement fails to account for lots of important factors, like health history, developmental delays, feeding (formula-fed babies may sleep for longer stretches than breastfed babies, for example), family situations, and temperament. Factors like these are what make each baby unique — and make it impossible for a statement like ‘all babies can sleep through night by 4 months’ to be true!
If we had to pick an average age for sleeping through the night, it would probably be around 7 months. So, by those standards, babies who are sleeping through the night by 4 months are actually doing it early – not ‘on time’.
- “You should keep your baby awake a lot during the day; then, he would sleep through the night.” No. No, no, no. New parents, if you hear this one from a friend or a family member, politely nod your head, say ‘thanks!’, and then go home and do just the opposite. Because even though it seems to make sense that keeping a baby awake for long stretches during the day would help her sleep better at night (“That way, she’ll be nice and tired at bedtime!”), it won’t work this way. Odds are, it will actually make her nighttime sleep even worse!
See, babies become overtired very quickly. And while a small percentage of babies are able to fall asleep on their own quickly and easily, the majority of babies aren’t able to do so. Instead, if they are kept awake too long, they become progressively fussier and crankier, until they are wailing, screaming, flailing mess, and they are downright impossible to soothe and put to sleep. The fact is, well-rested babies tend to fall asleep easier and stay asleep longer than babies who are overtired.
Note that it is okay to wake up your baby from long naps, if you suspect that she is napping too much during the day and not sleeping enough at night. It’s true that babies will shift sleep from naps to nights (and vice versa), so if your baby is sleeping a ton during the day, and hardly at all at night, then do wake her up from her long daytime naps, in an effort to shift some of that sleep back to nights. But don’t totally cut out naps, or keep your baby awake for hours on end — that’s when things will start to spiral out of control.
- “Your baby isn’t sleeping through the night yet? It’s probably because you’re breastfeeding.” Ah, yes — the “helpful tip” that makes breastfeeding moms everywhere want to tear their hair out! While it’s true that we’ve made great strides over the past two decades in understanding the benefits of breastfeeding, and in dispelling lots of breastfeeding myths, for some reason, this one remains.
That’s probably because it’s technically true that breastfed babies do need to eat slightly more often than formula-fed babies. Formula takes longer for babies’ tummies to digest, while breastmilk digests fairly quickly — thus, breastfed babies may need to eat more often, and may get hungry faster, than formula-fed babies.
However, this does not mean that formula-fed babies automatically sleep better than breastfed babies. Our Helpdesk alone disproves that theory — we work with plenty of formula-feeding families whose babies won’t sleep through the night or take reasonable naps! What’s more, a breastfed baby CAN learn to fall asleep independently and sleep well at night, the same way a formula-fed baby can. Yes, it is possible to breastfeed while sleep coaching – and it can be done successfully!
- “If you start feeding your baby solids, she’ll start sleeping through the night.” I heard this one from many of the older women in my community, back when my eldest was a newborn. And I’ve learned over the years that, back in my grandmother’s era, this was actually seen as a medical fact. Back then, many women were encouraged to start their babies on solid foods as early as 6-8 weeks!
Now, though, any health professional worth his or her credentials will tell you that this is absolutely untrue. For one thing, there’s no real connection between feeding a baby solid foods and having him sleep through the night. (If that were true, then we wouldn’t have toddlers with sleep problems.) For another, loads of recent medical research indicates that starting a baby on solid food too early is actually detrimental to the baby’s health. New AAP recommendations make it clear that parents shouldn’t offer solids to a baby who’s under 4 months; what’s more, it’s considered best to delay solids until baby is around 6 months.
- “Your baby still isn’t sleeping through the night?? MY baby started sleeping through the night when she was 4 minutes old!” Okay, yes. I’m exaggerating here. I doubt there’s any mom out there who would actually claim her baby was sleeping through the night just minutes after birth. 😉 But some parents have pretty grand claims about when their babies started sleeping through the night. And while some of those claims are actually true (some 8 week old babies really do sleep 8 straight hours all by themselves), they aren’t always.
For one thing, a parent who makes a claim like this may be using a different definition of ‘sleeping through the night’ then you are (see above). Of course, they might also be outright lying about it. It’s true, readers – parents lie about baby sleep. I’m not making this up — it’s a documented fact! There’s a study to prove it and everything!
That study, performed in 2012, revealed that an estimated 1/3 of parents actually lie about their babies’ sleep, in an effort to seem like better, more perfect parents. And about 1/5 of those parents who lie claimed that their babies and toddlers were sleeping through the night, when, in fact, they weren’t at all.
So – the next time someone smugly tells you that her baby was sleeping through the night FROM THE MOMENT OF BIRTH (or something like that 😉 ), remember — there’s a chance it could be true. If so, good for her! There’s also a chance that her version of ‘sleeping through the night’ is different than yours. And finally, there’s a fair chance she might be stretching the truth a little.
But here’s the bottom line, moms and dads — who cares? You are the parent of your baby — not anyone else. Who gets to decide what is good and healthy and right for your baby? You do — not others. You get to decide when your baby’s sleep habits actually become a problem, and when it’s time to take action.
No More Sleep Through The Night Mythology – We’ll Help You Achieve REAL Sleep Training Progress!
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Parents, which of these 5 myths have you heard? Any other myths you’d like to add to our list? Have advice for new parents? Share your thoughts with us!
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Evelyne says
I heard them all as well and my mom-in-law will not stop of telling me to keep her awake all day even after we explains her x times that it would make it worst. And she kept telling us when there was no problem; my daughter always slept a good 4-5 hours straight at some point during the day/night. However, she would ONLY sleep in our arms or would not sleep at all. I kept hearing it was my fault she was not sleeping in her crib; I just had to put her in it at nap time and bedtime… I figured she needed us and hoped it would not last forever. She started sleeping on her own at 2 months old at night ONLY.
Then around 14-15 weeks, she started waking up a lot some nights and resisting falling asleep for naps and night sleep. She will twitch and move after breastfeeding, whining and not sleeping. From the moment I see her getting tired it can take me an hour to have her take her nap. At night, it can take over 2 hours of rocking-chair, singing, breastfeeding sessions.
@katherine My daughter also naps on me after breastfeeding. If I put her in her crib during day time she will wake up after 2 minutes and not nap. I’d rather she naps then having that time to do chores or exercise….
Emily DeJeu says
@ Evelyne — I’m glad you were able to avoid feeling pressured/guilty by other people, and that you were able to stick to managing sleep the way you wanted to. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Elijah says
My in-laws are Chinese (in China). They’ve never heard of a baby “sleeping through the night.” My mother-in-law found it to be a very strange notion.
Emily DeJeu says
@Elijah – I’ve heard this from some of our Chinese clients as well! Really interesting, who cultural differences can play such a huge part in our expectations about sleep.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
@ Alison – Yes, it is SO true that all children are different! Good for you for finding what works for your little one!
Thanks for commenting!
@ Jennifer – Thanks for writing! It is very hard when books contradict each other, and even more confusing if one book contradicts itself! As if new parenthood is not complicated enough! Yikes! It is true that once a baby is older, and therefor his/her stomach is larger and ready for solids that he can likely sleep longer without a feed. Starting solids “too early” however does not generally help, as their stomachs are still too little to stay full for too long.
@ Rachel – So sorry about your less than pleasant experiences with (the first two) pediatricians! I do hope that the third time is the charm, and that you can utilize our resources to find some answers/help for your daughter’s sleep. Thanks for writing, hang in there, and good luck!
@ Emily – What a great attitude/perspective to have Emily! Hopefully the move to her own room will help and she will still “remember” how to sleep, whether you are home or not!
Thank you for commenting!
Emily says
I appreciate this article! All of these are so true. With my first, I was awake multiple times a night almost every single night until he was about 15 months old, moved up to the “toddler room” at his childcare and all kids napped at a set time. I’m convinced seeing the other kids do it and having the teachers gently help the kids fall asleep worked. My second is almost 12 mo now and has been a better sleeper, but still wakes. I’ve taken 2 work trips and when I’m gone, she cries a bit at night in papa’s arms but by the 2nd night, she’s sleeping all the way through, or almost (her crib is in our room, I guess time to move it out!).
Anyway the point is, with my first child I was obsessed with sleep. This time around, I know that 1) it can be a lot worse, 2) we can handle it and 3) she will figure it out eventually. Very freeing. Thanks for supporting a more normal perspective on sleeping through the night!
Rachel says
Yep, heard all of those multiple times. I could write a book on all the frustrating/misinformed/parent-blaming pieces of sleep “advice” I’ve been told just by my mother, let alone from the rest of my extended family and random strangers in the grocery store. But here’s my two best:
-“that’s the price you pay for a baby who sleeps through the night” when asking my pediatrician about my 4 month old who wouldn’t nap AT ALL and screamed the WHOLE day (but did sleep at the time about 4-6 hours at night.) Thanks. Maybe it’s time to try a new pediatrician…
-“well you should have thought of that before having kids” when asking the next pediatrician at my daughter’s 12-month appointment how to improve her ongoing terrible sleeping. Thanks. I guess we’re on the hunt for a new doctor again. Oh the joys of living in Canada!
Jennifer says
I’m not completely convinced that solids have nothing to do with sleeping through the night. Especially when you read books from trusted sleep experts (like Weissbluth) that will say in one chapter that feeding solids will not help baby sleep through the night, and then the next chapter he says that baby will not be able to sleep through the night until they are on solids. More calories during the day certainly helps hold them over longer.
Alison says
To me the biggest myth is that anything is true or will work for all babies!! For example, EVERYTHING I read says ‘don’t let baby get overtired’. HA! I can’t get mine to sleep unless they’re good and tired. (Mine is the one who needs to run at the park to take a nap!) I’m sure there’s a limit to this, but I get myself into trouble when I try for sleep too early, not too late!
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
@ Kaz – Thank you for writing! Yes, this sounds like a common phase, which should subside within a few weeks. here is a link with more info: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/8-9-10-month-old-baby-sleep-regression/
Hang in there, and I hope that things improve very soon!
@ Wren – Yes! I have heard this too! Thanks for commenting!
@ TraceyC – Thank you for sharing your myths! You are so right that every parent needs to do what is right for them and their family!
Thank you for commenting!
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
@ Kendra – Yes!! This one fits in nicely with our #2 myth! It does happen to work for a few families, bit most babes will just get overtired and sleep worse! Regular naps are better!
Thank you for commenting!
@ Vera – I am sorry that you are struggling with sleep! it is tough when you get teased with good sleep for a few days or weeks before the next hurdle!
Hang in there and thank you for writing!!
@ Veronica – Thank you for writing, and we are happy to hear that number 3 is sleeping well for you! it is sometimes amazing how different siblings can be!
Thank you for commenting!
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
@ Lansmom – Thank you for writing and sharing your experience! Yes 2-3 feeds at 4 months is typical, but will not last forever! Good for you for deciding what is right for your baby.
Thanks for commenting!
@ Laura – This one is SOO true! The road to sleep is rarely a straight one!
Thanks for adding to our list of myths!
@ Sue – Sometimes “cluster feeding” can help a baby to sleep better, especially in the early weeks, but you’re right… It is not the end all to night wakings, and overfeeding/stuffing a baby can lead to overflow, as you’ve experienced! I am sorry that you had a rough go of it, and thank you for sharing!
@ Katherine Morgan – Thank you for writing and sharing your experience! We do find that in most cases, 13 month olds should not need to feed during the night, but do not let anyone get you down. You are doing best for your child by helping her sleep while she needs it! If you are fine with the 2 feeds, then there is no reason to change it. If you are ready to make some changes, you may want to consider very gently weaning the night feeds, so that your daughter can slowly adjust to feeding less at night and more in the day. Here is a link with more info: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean/
Good luck and thank you for commenting!