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We’ve written before about room-sharing – what it is, how it affects sleep, and why it’s considered the safest sleeping arrangement for babies. Lots of us have probably shared a room with our babies at some point – during the newborn stage, maybe, when feedings were happening around the clock and we felt absolutely desperate for sleep!
But while many parents choose to room-share, for one reason or another, plenty of other parents room-share out of necessity – there’s simply nowhere else for the baby to sleep! And while this room-sharing has some distinct benefits, this kind of living arrangement can make sleep training really, really tough.
So how do you work on sleep training while sharing a room with your baby? Read on and find out!
7 Tips for Sleep Training While Room-Sharing
If you have the option to move your baby out of your room during sleep training, know that doing so will probably make sleep training a little easier. However, we understand that not every family has that option; we also understand that not every family wants to stop room-sharing during sleep training.
If this describes you, don’t worry; while room-sharing can make sleep training a little more challenging, there are things you can do to make the process smoother for everyone:
- Consider moving out (temporarily!) If you’re in a ‘forced’ room-sharing situation, but you don’t mind sleeping away from your baby during sleep training, then consider moving out for a bit. This is especially helpful if your baby is older (9-12 months) or if you are sleep training a toddler. Try sleeping on an air mattress in another room of the house – such as the living room, for example. You could also move your baby out temporarily, as we mentioned earlier (provided you have the room to do so). But remember that during sleep training, you want to keep things as normal as possible for your baby. So if you expect to be sharing a room with your baby for a while, it might be best for you to move out for a week or two and to leave your baby in her usual environment.
Move the crib or co-sleeper away from the bed. If your baby’s sleeping area is close to your bed, move it away. Having some distance between you and your baby will help in the sleep training process, especially if you use some kind of divider so that your baby cannot see you. (See the next point for details on using a divider.) Another great option is to use a product such as The SlumberPod® (Use Coupon Code BABYSLEEPSITE20 for $20 off! Use this link if you’re in Canada!)
- Stay out of sight. If your baby can see you (and let’s face it if you are room-sharing, then he can see you!), he will be much less inclined to fall asleep, and much more inclined to cry for you. You can solve this problem by creating a temporary divider between you and your baby. Shaye, one of our sleep consultants, hangs up a sheet when she travels with her daughter, which helps her little girl sleep better. You can also try draping a blanket over a collapsible coat rack in order to provide a quick (and temporary) barrier between parents and baby. Whatever you use, just be sure that your temporary barrier is placed well away from your baby, so that there’s no risk he could pull the sheet or blanket into his crib or bassinet.
- Use white noise (and possibly earplugs!). You don’t want to ignore your baby during sleep training, but sleep training may go a little easier if you do not hear every little noise your baby makes. And it will help your baby if he doesn’t hear every little noise you make, too! So, if you haven’t already, start utilizing white noise at bedtime. You can buy a sound machine; you can also download free or inexpensive white noise MP3s and apps. For more information about how white noise can help both you and your baby sleep, check out this past article. And for our recommendations about the best white noise machines and apps, take a look at this article. For even more noise-blocking, consider wearing a pair of earplugs at night. They really work!
- Stay consistent. We say this to every family we work with, whether they room-share or not. But, as you can imagine, consistency is even harder when your baby is sleeping (or not sleeping!) just a few feet away from you. However, consistency is the key ingredient in successful sleep training; that is just as true for families that room-share as it is for families that don’t.
- Stick with your sleep training plan for at least a week. Once you have your sleeping area set up (crib moved away from the bed, white noise machine/apps ready, the divider in place), implement your sleep training plan. But remember – do not expect results right away! Some babies respond quickly, but many need at least a week (maybe two) to adjust. If, after a week or two, your baby is showing no improvement at all, make changes to your sleep training plan. That may include changing your room-sharing situation, if necessary.
- Adjust your expectations. If you choose to/have to share a room with your baby during sleep training, understand that the process may take a bit longer. Even if you utilize all the tips listed above, sleep training may take longer (and feel more difficult) for you than it does for parents who sleep separately from their babies. This is okay, of course; it’s just important that you adjust your expectations going in. If your expectations are reasonable, then sleep training while room-sharing can work very, very well!
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Between long night wakings, struggles at bedtime, and naps that feel all over the place, baby and toddler sleep challenges can be tough! Our consultants at The Baby Sleep Site® specialize in creating Personalized Sleep Plans® that are customized to your own parenting philosophy, and that will NEVER make you feel guilty or pressured. Even better, once you have your Personalized Sleep Plan®, your consultant will walk you through each step of implementing it at home.
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For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
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If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
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For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.
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sheri williams says
hi again, thank you for the advice! after 2 very long nights of tears and tantrums (on both sides) and no luck, we have finally decided to start sleeping in the living room, i have managed to get him to sleep in his bed originally and for naps mostly in his bed, but after two nights of no sleep we finally decided that surely if there is no alternative bed to sleep in he should in theory sleep in his own. hes gone to sleep in his own bed without a hitch to fingers crossed he stays there.
we are hoping after a few weeks when he is used to it we will be able to sleep in our room again, any advise on how to go about this? xx
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi Sheri –
It is often an overall process to transition a toddler to sleeping in their own bed or back to their own bed. At this point, he sees your bed as “his” bed and has picked up quite a habit of sleeping with you. I would start with spending some non sleep time in his bed, maybe reading or singing songs so that he starts to see the bed as a good place to be. You can also pick a “special” lovey for his to cuddle with, or you can start out by putting him to sleep in his own bed for naps (if he is not already). Once he seems to have adjusted to that, then work on putting him in his own bed at bedtime, decide which wakings you may bring him into bed with you, but slowly start weaning him from coming to bed with you when he wakes. I know it is a tough process!
There are some additional tips here that you might also find helpful: https://www.babysleepsite.com/how-we-sleep/baby-wont-sleep-crib/
Good luck!
sheri williams says
im a one bed flat with my partner and my 16month old lb, he has recently been climbing out of his cot so we decided a week ago to put him into a toddler bed, since then he consistantly goes to sleep in our bed, we have the same routine as before, bath, bottle, bed at 7 30, we put him in the room and for the first two nights he slept perfectly in his bed, now he sneaks into ours and goes to sleep, we then have to move him every night back into his, he then wakes up 6 or 7 times and will not go back to sleep in his bed (weve spent over 2 hours putting him back and forth on 2 occasions, we eventually have to leave the room to make him sleep, to which he again goes to sleep on our bed? we have no space for seperations so he cant see us and have tried pretty much everything we can think of, any advice? its starting to come between my relationship as we just snap at each other/other half at work early, x
Brandie says
Oy Vey… our now almost 11 month son was sleeping in his crib from day one until about three months. At that time he ended up with RSV from daycare, and I was so nervous and exhausted that I brought him into bed with us. and then he was teething..and then…etc. Needless to say we have been co-sleeping ever since, which both my husband and I were good with, until he started having I don’t want to go to bed meltdowns in our bed! And waking to nurse again every few hours…My husband said “if he is going to cry it out between us, he might as well cry it out in his crib” (so to speak). We will be room sharing either way… Any thoughts or magic spells that I might not know about? Now he is starting to walk and it is just getting worse.
Sincerely Exhausted..
Emily DeJeu says
@ Brandie — This sounds tough! No wonder you’re exhausted. But truly, this kind of ‘accidental’ co-sleeping is more common that you might think. Lots of parents start off doing it as a short-term, temporary thing, but it ends up being the normal arrangement after awhile, what with one thing or another (as you mention). So know that you’re not alone in this 🙂
As for how to transition him out of your bed: no magic formulas, unfortunately! 😉 But I would say do it sooner rather than later; sleep training tends to get a little trickier in the toddler stage. There’s really no way this will be easy right from the start, but if you pick a sleep training plan, stay committed, and have patience with yourself and with your son, this is do-able.
Another tip — have you tried night-weaning yet? That will be part of sleep training for you. By 11 months, most babies don’t need any night feedings, and those who do can typically get by with just one. So eating ever few hours at night is probably excessive for your little guy. I’d say in your case, sleep training will be two-pronged: it’ll be weaning him from his dependence on nursing at night, and it’ll also be helping him learn to sleep in his crib, and not in your bed. If this sounds overwhelming, you could always consider turning to a sleep consultant for help (https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/).
Hang in there, Brandie! And keep us posted on your progress. 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Joanna — Awesome!! Thanks so, so much for sharing the details of how you made sleep training and room sharing work for you and your family. So encouraging to other parents, to hear that this IS possible (albeit tough). Thanks for offering this inspiration today! 🙂
Emily DeJeu says
@ Lindsay — oh, this sounds rough! And it sounds like, right now, you really don’t have other options for sleeping arrangements; is that right? If you have to bed-share out of necessity, sleep training can be really tough. It’s do-able, but tough! We work with clients via our Helpdesk who want to do what you’re describing, and the process usually takes a bit longer and requires lots of patience.
If you wanted to get one-on-one help with sleep coaching while sharing a bed with your baby, you could look into our personalized consultations: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/ For general info on sleep coaching, check out our free guide: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-through-night-free-ebook/
As for things getting easier after your done breastfeeding; that could be the case. But your baby may still wake out of habit; if that’s the case, then you’ll want to work on weaning her away from her association between nursing and sleeping.
Hope this helps, Lindsay! And again, sorry your situation is tough right now. Feel free to ask follow-up questions via the comments, or by e-mailing contact (at) babysleepsite (dot) com.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Lisa — well, if you’re still breastfeeding him throughout the night (esp. if you’re feeding him to sleep), then you’ll likely need to do some sleep coaching, to help him break the association between nursing and falling back to sleep when he wakes at night. At 10 months, your son may be able to go without any night feedings (although one night feeding is normal through 12 months). We usually recommend an attempt to wean from night feedings around 8 or 9 months, since by this time, many babies are night feeding out of habit, and not out of need.
For tips on night weaning, check out this article: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/baby-night-wean-3-signs/
For help with sleep training, download our free guide: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-through-night-free-ebook/
As for making the transition, expect it to take at least a few days (and maybe a week or two) for your baby to fully adjust to sleeping in a new place. There are lots of ways to handle it; you could sleep in his new nursery with him at first, for example, or you could simply go ‘cold turkey’. How you do it depends on a lot of factors that are unique to you. 🙂
Hope this helps, Lisa! Don’t hesitate to ask follow-up questions via the comments, or by e-mailing them to contact (at) babysleepsite (dot) com.
Joanna says
Oh yes….I know this one! We love our one bedroom apartment, and so decided to try to make it work once baby arrived. Well that was 14 months ago, and we are doing well. Buuut we had to work at it! We did “CIO with checks” when our baby was 5.5 months old. We slept on the couch for a few days; took him 3-4 nights to really start to sleep better. (After waking 12-16 times a night…no exaggeration…to replace a soother) We had him in a beside-the-bed cosleeper, then moved him to a crib at 4.5 months. The crib was beside the bed until we did sleep training…so that I could reach in and replace the soother. Once our bub was sleeping better, we moved back into our room. We do use a sound machine. It’s fabulous! Our bed is now about 3 feet from his crib. I did deal with the “he can see us” thing early on – I made a cover that ties to the outside of the crib so tight that a hurricane couldn’t get it off. It has birds on it…he loves it… We also keep our room pitch black, so if he stands up he still wouldn’t see us.
So now he’s 14 months old, and we still do wake maybe 4 nights a week to hear him stir and cry out for a quick second or two. But he’s back to sleep in no time. Actually, his new thing is talking a bit (practicing new words) then going back to sleep. On the very good advice of this website, one month ago I night weaned him (was waking for 1 feeding still). We moved back to the couch in the living room. It took him longer to sleep better than the first time around…but at day 8 he started to sleep through. I do think that I’d like a second bedroom…at some point in the future. But sharing a bedroom AND sleep training can totally work! (It’s still so, so, so very hard to do, but it saved my life and my sanity!)
Lindsay says
I’m currently trying to figure this out. I can’t utilize a barrier because there’s just no room for another bed. She sleeps in my twin bed with me and has for about 5 months now (her room in our last house was too hot in the summer and she couldn’t sleep). The past 3 months have been spent in an 8′ by 8′ room that we share with my 2 yo, who sleeps on a crib mattress on the floor. It’s been difficult and I’ve resigned to being in bed as long as she’s asleep (11 hours). It’s rare when I can get out of bed without disturbing her. She nurses to sleep and sleeps through the night, and has for at least 8 months. It’s the getting her and her sister to sleep in the same room without me in there that I want to figure out. But the 2 yo always feels she needs to be next to her sister when she’s crying like that. And she DOES cry if I’m not right next to her. The bonus is with the back and forth with their father: my milk supply is drying up and her dependence on nursing is limited, so once that’s over (I predict in about a month), it should be easier, right? Oh I hope so!
Lisa says
We have been sharing our room(mostly same bed) with our 10mnth old son. We have finished our renos and he will be having his own room and crib to sleep in. Any tips to make the transition smoothly from our bed and room to his own bed and room? He still wakes and I bf him every 2-3hrs but I think this is due to habit and don’t want to night feed at all once he is in his own room!