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Why does baby wake up crying?
Obviously, a baby wakes up crying to eat, because they are wet or dirty, or to have their sleep association recreated (such as replacing a pacifier).
But, what does it mean when your baby wakes up crying from a nap, or in the morning when they are “done” sleeping?
Baby Crying Between Sleep Cycles
Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a definitive reason as to why a baby wakes up crying. However, it is normal for them to cry between sleep cycles.
When my first-born woke up crying, 90% of the time it meant that he was not done sleeping. He may have woken up between sleep cycles and was having trouble going into the next one. My second son had a much easier time going into the next sleep cycle, but he still whimpered a bit between sleep cycles.
Should You Tend To Your Baby When They Wake Up Crying?
As a sleep consultant with over 10 years of experience, I strongly encourage you not to run in at the slightest whimper. Crying between sleep cycles is normal and expected. Babies might not cry between sleep cycles every time, but they do some.
I am not saying you need to allow your baby to cry-it-out. Not at all! But, any amount of crying feels a lot longer than it is.
My second son did not have as much of a luxury to be attended to at the slightest whimper because I had my toddler son to take care of, too. I remember when my second son was around 2 months old, I was fixing my first son lunch and son #2 woke up from his nap. I couldn’t get to him right away but was walking to his room by the 3- or 4-minute mark. My hand was on the doorknob and he went back to sleep!! I would have disturbed his nap had I been in there any sooner. Of course, at 2 AM, 3 or 4 minutes feels more like 30, but just keep it in mind and look at the clock.
Is Your Baby Done Sleeping?
As I said before, when my eldest son woke up from his nap, crying, it usually meant he was not done sleeping (whether he went back to sleep or not was hit or miss). So, if he did wake up crying, at least I knew whether to run in there or not. At the very least, I tried to give him 5 minutes to try to fall back to sleep.
Having said that, I once worked with a mom whose baby, 90% of the time, woke up crying and that’s just how he came out of his sleep cycles. Therefore, it didn’t have the same meaning for her.
In my experience with most families, a baby waking up crying typically means they need more sleep.
Babies do outgrow waking up crying and it happens a lot less after you have done sleep training. Through sleep training, your baby can learn to seamlessly go into their next sleep cycle, so after they are truly done sleeping, most babies will wake up happy and cooing.
Does Your Baby Wake Up Crying?
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Gina says
Hi my little girl is 8 months old, she never used to nap but after reading the book ‘save our sleep’ I got her napping twice a day for 1-2 hour each at 9:20am & 1:20pm. I was then putting her to bed at 7pm & she was waking the next morning anywhere after 6am! She fell poorly & now shes goingbed at 6:30pm but struggle to get her night feed down her has she seem to tired, & even after both naps during then I find her trying to fall a sleep on me! Now shes waking around 2am every morning & crying I have exhuasted all options, I.e dirty nappy, hot/cold, thirst ect after going through the list I find her still crying & have to put her music on & eventually she nods off, however she never needed sleep aids before & she slept fine, why the sudden change & any idea’s how to get her to have a settled night again. Thabk you x
Tae says
My daughter slept through the night since 6 weeks. But now at 15 months she has been having trouble sleeping if we are not there with her. She wakes up betweek 2:AM and 4:00AM. She screams and when we come to settle her down she is okay if she knows we are in the room, but as soon she goes back to sleep and realizes we aren’t there in the room she screams again. If we don’t come right away she just gets louder and louder. My husband thinks we shoudl let her cry it out, but I don’t think it’s appropriate if she needs us. This ritual just started but it can go on for hours and 3-4 trips to her room per night. Please help.
Kimberly says
Hi Tae- At this point, its more a matter of habit for her to think that she needs one of you in the room to sleep. If she’s going to sleep with you in the room, then she’s upset because it’s different when she wakes up. She’ll need help understanding that she can go to sleep without you in the room. In addition to crying it out, there are other methods you can use. She may still protest the change but you will still be offering her comfort and letting her know she’s not alone. We outline the different methods in our toddler sleep ebook, which you can read about here: http://toddlersleepswell.com. Good luck!
Rachel says
Sarah the prob. with your system is this… it works for now. My system is do now what you will be happy with forever. I don’t start now what i won’t do until the are grown. I don’t use baby baths. When you use them one day you have to stop when you change their bath system it can scare them and make them afraid of baths. I never feed food anywhere but in a high chair when they start eating reg. food. Why it confusing them and can actually cause them to stop eating what you provide them. They don’t eat as well in laps, walking around or what not so MEALS are always in a high chair. Bed time is Always in their own bed. There is no changing required. At NO point do you have to one day say “you know you kick me in your sleep to cry and wake me up, you get up and get into things when I’m sleeping, your just too big we can’t all fit there.” They will always fit into their own bed. They don’t kick you, they can’t get up and get into things” Children like very little change. If you wake up and night you wake baby sometimes and if you always get up at the same time IT WILL START waking them. Your alarm in there. Also children at some point start playing in bed, in their own bed it’s ok but if you need to work or be someplace the next day that’s not as easy. Also most children will cry for one night and than get over it. They won’t remember if at 1mo. old but when you finally take your child out of your bed for what ever reason you choose to he/she will remember it at 2yrs or 5yrs 10yrs or even 17yrs. That is tragic they don’t understand why you now don’t want them there. Good luck to you…
Seth says
Sarah,
You said one right thing; do what works. Our baby did not sleep well with us, ever. She took to the ferber method (which was only tough for a grand total of one night, for her), and now she sleeps better than ever, and her moods are better too because she sleeps great. When she slept with us she was very cranky throughout the day.
And to other parents trying to decide what’s best; I firmly believe whatever you choose, if done in their best interest, is the best. Whatever it takes to get them and you sleeping. Cosleep, ferber; whatever, it doesn’t matter; once they are sleeping well you will know you did what was right.
sarah says
I can’t believe people let their babies cry out! They are babies and they want their parents! We started co-sleeping at 3 weeks after 3 weeks of no sleep and it was the best decision we have ever made. We all sleep through the night and we are all happy. Americans are so caught up with distancing themselves from their children in order to maintain their old lives. You have a kid, embrace it! And don’t feel guilty for doing what works (and what the majority of the world does as well) plus there are tons of studies out saying it is better for the infant to co-sleep. No extra work, no heartache hearing them cry, I can’t believe people do anything different.
Rachel Humphrey says
I agree with Kimberly.
I can suggest common plans but that’s about it. Most children’s schedules are 6:30pm until 6:30am. at night. My son who is currently 1yr old still takes 3 naps which is uncommon. Most children take two naps by now one mid morning one mid afternoon. I don’t give my children any reason to not go to bed at the time I’ve set. I don’t care if he slept a long nap or just ate or whatever. Even at this young age they learn quickly. They don’t learn to take a long nap they learn you tried to put them down and they didn’t and you gave up. So they try again the next night to cry so you give up. Good luck with your little one.
Chittu says
Hi,
My 10.5 month old usually sleeps very well at night and had 2 one hour naps during the day and we do a wind down and put her in bed by 7.Lately she refuses to sleep in her own cot.We have to put her down next to us on the bed and once shes asleep we move her to her bed and then shes up again between 1 and 3 in the morning and will cry for 2 hours straight.So we bring her to our bed and she sleeps and then shift her back and then she wakes up between 6 and 7.
I want to know how to break this habit of bringing her to our bed and how to get her to sleep in her own cot.I dont understand how this suddenly started with a child who used to sleep through the night and used to sleep on her own.I cant see her cry for hours before she goes to sleep.Ive tried pick up put down,shhhh pat,just patting her to sleep,letting her cry it out and nothing works!she will cry and cry till i pick her up.if i leave the room she will cry till she sees me again and gets all breathless.This has been happening for a month now.her naps and everything else is fine…its just her night sleep.
Kimberly says
Hi Chittu,
Sleep training really requires that you create a plan and then stick with it. Consistency is the key. Figure out what type of plan or approach fits with you and your family and then do it diligently for at least week. To start with, she needs to fall asleep in her cot. Moving her after she’s asleep is part of what is causing your problems when she wakes. She’s confused. She thought she fell asleep in one place and then wakes up somewhere different. So of course, when you bring her back to “your” bed, she really thinks she is in her bed. Nicole covers much of how to work with the transition of moving baby into her own bed in her book, The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep including ways to do with limited or very little crying. You can find more information here about that book: http://babysleepswell.com
Jo says
My son is 18 months old now. I read almost every book out there about sleep because I was almost at my wits end until he was about 11 months old, which is when he started to sleep through the night (most nights). What finally gave me a change of perspective was keeping a sleep log for him for about 2 weeks. That information gave me very clear insight into his sleep needs. He didn’t/doesn’t fit into any of the models I read about in the books, but it is what works for him. He is also a very happy outgoing boy, so I am not concerned that not following the textbooks is compromising him/resulting in him being over-tired. I know how hard it is when you’re in the middle of tough sleeping patterns, but I also learned that before you know it, that changes (and something else comes along with their development!). If I have another child, I intend to try my best to be more relaxed about his/her sleep, especially for the first year. Not every child fits the molds of the books, and I think parents need to trust their instincts and what feels right to them. To all the parents suffering from sleep deprivation, I sincerely sympathize. You will be through it before you know it, though it may not feel that way now.
Jennifer says
My son is now 8.5 months old, he was always a terrible sleeper!! When he started solids at 6 months I thought for sure he would start sleeping better but he didn’t, he was still waking up every 90 minutes! I finally realised that I was he sleep association and that when he was going through sleep cylces he was looking for me to put him to sleep. I went from on demand feedings to parent led feedings (feeding every 2-3 hours throughout the day), as well as nursing him and waking him up to put him down.
Now I put him down when he is tired without nursing him if it isnt time for him to eat. He is now napping 3-4 hours during the day and 12-14 hours at night. He still tends to wake up once or twice at night when he needs some help getting back to sleep with a pat on his back, but I am sure he will soon sleep through the night without waking (unless he starts teething again).
When he wakes up crying from a nap it usually means that he is NOT done napping, when he wakes up with other sounds he is alerting us that he is awake and ready to play (he doesn’t like being alone).
Listen to your motherly instincts, advise of others and teach your child how to sleep since we weren’t blessed with ‘natural sleepers’. we are all so much happier since we have a happy, rested baby!
Kimberly says
Thank you Jennifer and Jo for sharing your insights and stories. It’s so helpful to other parents to know that achieving good sleep is possible even when it seems so far away!
Andualem says
Our baby boy is just one month old. After breast feeding he goes to sleep but is difficult for him to go in to deep sleep if we put him in his bed immediately. He also prefers to sleep beside his mom or me to sleep continuously. I observe recently he also want to have bit bigger pillow than we bought for him, putting him in lateral inclined position is much helpful/comfortable to sleep longer. He is our first baby boy and we do not have experience in supporting our baby to sleep deeply. At the same time we do not want our baby to extremely scream unusually. When he cries at the middle of our sleep we picked him without preparation and I am afraid he may be hurt some day as some times we are not totally waked up from sleep. We almost always give him breast to make him quite and fall back to sleep thus he has fed breast continuously that might be over dose. We would like to know how long or in what interval should a baby suck breast milk??????????
Kimberly says
Hi Andualem,
At one month old, it’s generally expected that baby will be feed every 2-3 hours on demand. As far as his sleep goes, you can generally expect that babies will wake often and starting any kind of sleep training isn’t recommend until at least 4 months of age. I’d recommend that you read this post about night feedings for a better idea about how much baby might eat at night. https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean/ Then, I’d also encourage you to read through many of the other posts on this site for additional information that will help you understand your baby’s sleep needs as well as suggestions for how to help teach your baby healthy sleep habits. It sounds like you’re doing a great job so far.