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This article will outline two sleep training methods, including what many people know as “The Ferber Method”. If you are just joining in, you may want to start from the beginning at Part 1 of my Baby Sleep Training (From No Cry to Cry) series.
You may be interested in reading about the age to do cry-it-out and how cry-it-out will not change your child’s personality.
The Ferber / Check-and-Console Method
(aka Ferberizing)
This sleep training method entails allowing baby to cry while checking on him at intervals. The goal here is to reassure him ever so often to a) make sure baby is okay and to reassure yourself and b) reassure him you hear them and are there for them. When you go to check on baby, you are not supposed to pick him up nor engage them much, but simply reassure using your voice and a loving pat for 2-3 minutes, tops (watch the clock!). The goal is NOT to help baby to sleep! That is what he is learning to do on his own! The idea is that he falls asleep in the same “environment” in which he will awaken periodically throughout the night (we all do!). The knowledge of how to fall asleep unassisted at bedtime will pave the way for him/her to go BACK to sleep throughout the night.
Here is an example of how night 1 might go:
- Bedtime is 6:30 pm (make sure bedtime is sufficiently early and don’t make the mistake of “tiring him out” first. This leads to more crying, not less)
- You do the bedtime routine, as usual, starting at 6pm. At 6:20 p.m. you put baby down DROWSY, BUT AWAKE
- Baby begins to cry immediately and you set the timer for 5 minutes.
- At 6:25 p.m. you go in and reassure her.
- If she is still crying, you go back in at 10 minutes and then every 15 minutes until she falls asleep.
Each night, you increase each interval by 5 minutes. If you can’t start with intervals 5, 10, and 15, start with 3, 7, and 10. It doesn’t matter as long as you increase intervals nightly and be CONSISTENT.
Cry It Out (aka CIO or Extinction)
This is basically when you follow the same rules above, only you leave baby completely alone to fall asleep. Some feel this is cruel, however, many feel this leads to less crying, overall, and not cruel since you have already implemented a bedtime routine and she knows what to expect. Again, this will depend on your philosophy as a parent and your baby’s temperament. At night, you do not put a limit to the crying because if you allow her to cry for let’s say 30 minutes and then “rescue” her, you have all but guaranteed that much crying or more next time and you also don’t want them to learn to cry for a predetermined amount of time. It is imperative that you be 100% consistent and follow through. If you don’t want to let your baby cry, that is 100% OK, just choose another method.
You can use one of these methods or a variation of your own. You can try one and then switch to another after a few days. For some babies, going in there periodically only “teases” them and they get angrier that you won’t rock them or nurse them or do whatever you’ve been doing to “help” them to sleep. I do not have hard-core facts to say how long your baby will cry, on average. All babies are different and temperament and level of strong will definitely plays a part. In my experience in helping other parents, the average seems to be around 30 minutes. Some babies cry 5 minutes and sleep the rest of the night. Others might cry over an hour and wake several times in the night. Unfortunately, there is no way to know what yours will do, but I’m sure up to this point you have a good idea about the personality of your child. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how “little” their baby cries and wonder why they didn’t try sooner. They were prepared for the long haul and she may have “only” cried 20 minutes. Of course, as you know, 20 minutes to a mother or father can be excruciating, especially at 2 a.m.
Crying methods generally take 3-4 nights to see marked improvement, however, it isn’t always a cure-all. Sure, there are some babies you read about who, after 4 nights, sleep through the night forever and ever. And, then there are those who don’t and you have to keep letting them cry it out. Well, the important thing is to consider what your alternative is. If rocking/nursing/etc. to sleep was not working, there is a reason you started down this path and thus, you may just have a challenging sleeper who requires more “work” than others.
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Sleep Resources That WORK
For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant.
In part 6, the last part of this sleep training series, I share my story.
Have you used The Ferber Method or Cry It Out / Extinction? Share your experience below!
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For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
Learn More About The 3-Step System
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
Learn More About Mastering Naps
For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.
Learn More About The 5-Step System
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Brenna says
I’m considering trying the ferber method. My 6 month old son wakes up every 1-3 hours throughout the night. He nurses for just a minute or two and falls right back to sleep. So my question is this: If I have him cry himself to sleep using the ferber method for the first time at night, do I have to do the same thing every time he wakes up at night?
Kimberly says
@ Alissa- What a tough situation! Hopefully things have gotten better for you by now. Since your baby should be around the 4 month mark now, I would recommend taking a looking at these two posts for some additional information: https://www.babysleepsite.com/how-we-sleep/4-month-old-sleep-regression and also this one: https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/4-month-old-schedule/
Alissa says
My daugter is 6 weeks old and having a very hard time falling into a good sleep and staying in a deep sleep. She was actually 7 weeks early and spent over a month in the NICU. She was on a vey strict routine while in the hopital and seemed to sleep great. They woke her up every 3 hours to be fed and changed and went right back to sleep. Now at home, she doesnt do anything like that. She wakes up contstantly threw the night and after i feed her she refuses to go back to sleep if i put her down. She will ony sleep if i sit and let her sleep on my chest. As soon as i put her down she screams. Please help, im exausted.
suki says
i have questions to the ferber method:
(my girl is 17 months now)
– once the baby gives up crying but hasn’t slept yet – should we still go in and check? i feel that this just starts a new crying period?
– let’s say baby has slept – and wakes at night? what is the procedure then? do you still use the checking at intervals technique or is a there a different way?
thank you very much
Nicole says
@Suki No, if your child has quieted down I would not go back in and “tease” them. Similarly, if they are fussing but quieting down I wouldn’t go in then, either. Yes, you would apply the same intervals the whole night. Another option is to focus on bedtime, first, and then work on the rest of the night. Hope this helps and good luck!
Sarah says
I have a three and a half month old fat baby, happy and content….i recently went back to work and could not function with my interrupted sleep (she was waking 1,2 times but with the burping was taking me like an hour or so to sometimes put her back to sleep, she vomits a lot). I may add that when i did go back to work, she started waking more often and not going back down after feeding, naturally enjoying her one on one with me which she wasnt getting so much of during the day. Anyway, i was convinced by my friends to do the CIO (crying it out) method which Dr. Cohen is a proponent on (Tribeca, NY) which is about putting your baby to sleep and not going back into the room until the morning. Everyone assured me it would be a matter of nights, three, four nights max and she would be sleeping through. Well last night was our 7th night and she cried for a whole hour from 4 to 5, and it broke my heart, i didnt cave, but i am not sure this is working for her, i feel that if after 7 nights she is still waking, it must be because she really needs that feed, despite being such a chubby baby…i am torn, dont know if to keep doing the CIO or if to just feed her at that time and enjoy her…I want to do what is best for her as well as me.
Nicole says
@Sarah I don’t typically recommend cry-it-out at 3 1/2 months and I don’t ever usually work with many people that do the “don’t go back in til morning” thing. I think that is incredibly difficult for everyone. On top of that, I err on the side of caution and always recommend keeping 1-2 feedings up through 9 months, so I most definitely would feed your 3 1/2 month old. I am not extreme and try to be practical. Some adults can’t go 12 hours without eating so I don’t know why we expect our babies to do it. You can find my recommended feedings on this article here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean/
Because it’s so easy to feel guilty as a new mom, I don’t want you to focus on what you have already done or feel bad about it, but I would most definitely go in and feed your 3 month old from now on. I know this sleep stuff is hard and even getting up for one feed for a year was hard for me, but I do think your baby is genuinely hungry. (((HUGS))) Good luck!
Angela says
My son is 6 months old. We have a great bedtime routine, or at least I believe it is a great one. We start cereal around 7:30, give him a bath (sometimes), and then bedtime lotion, night gown, and nurse him. He usually falls asleep while I am nursing him, or holding him. He is usually in his crib by 8:30pm. I can put him in his crib, and he then will sleep until about 12, sometimes more, sometimes less. Then, it’s on…we play put the passy in, hold my hand until I fall asleep, and sometimes I just get so tired and end up bringing him to bed with my husband and I. It’s so frustrating at times. I don’t want to co-sleep, although it is often easier because we all get sleep that way. Now I’m worried that I have just created a horrible habit of him just wanting me or my husband. I know that I have been the inconsistent one, but I’m afraid to let him just CIO. I think I may try the method of the checking in on him and see how that works. Any words of encouragment?! It breaks my heart to hear him cry like that…he has a temper!!!
Nicole says
@Angela It sounds like he does have a sleep association with the pacifier and it’s only natural to want to be with you, too. A lovey can work quite well. Both my sons have really loved their Taggies blankets we got online. They find a lot of comfort with them. I typically recommend focusing on bedtime first, starting the night like you want the rest to go. Many times this nudge is all a baby needs and they start to sleep well, depending on their temperament. Hang in there! Good luck!!
Beth says
My husband and I have tried both methods in the past few months for our 8mo old with no positive results. He wakes up about every two hours and will not go back to sleep until we’ve either fed or rocked him! Our doctor even suggested giving him water instead of formula to see if it was just a comfort thing but he noticed the difference and wouldn’t go back to sleep until he was fed! Since then we’ve been reluctant to let him CIO since (as you state in one of your articles) sometimes he genuinely seems to be hungry. We have scaled back our comforting to simple back pats the other times but cannot seem to break him of his waking pattern. Many people I talk to have had little to no problems with getting their children to sleep through the night; I just wanted to thank you for showing me there are others in the same situation as me!
Nicole says
@Beth You’re welcome! 🙂 Eating every 2 hours is most definitely a sleep association that would help all of you to break. 1-2 feedings is normal up through 9 months, but eating every 2 hours means he can’t get through a sleep cycle without help getting back to sleep. The key is that he falls asleep in the same way he needs to go BACK to sleep throughout the night. Once he can do that, things can improve a lot. Good luck!
Elizabeth says
My almost 10-month old still nurses to sleep and wakes up 1-3 times at night to nurse back to sleep. I tried the no-cry method at bedtime a few months ago, but it didn’t seem to work. My question about crying it out is whether you have any experience or feedback from families with multiple children. I’m willing to try CIO, but we have a 6 1/2-year old and especially a 3-year old who might have their sleep disturbed by the crying baby.
Thanks for any tips.
Nicole says
@Elizabeth With the older children, you might talk to them about what’s going to happen. Sometimes people send the older ones to Grandma’s for a few days, too. All in all, a few nights of disruptive sleep for everyone else in the family might be “worth” a long run of everyone, including the baby, sleeping better. I also have white noise machines in both my boys’ rooms and I close their doors. They have only woken each other up a couple of times (one was before the white noise machines and what prompted the purchase :D). Good luck!!
Nicole says
@WindowContractor That is a tough age! Schedules don’t form until later, so the main thing you can do right now is check out my newborn tips post (https://www.babysleepsite.com/newborn-sleep-tips-10 ). It is too early to sleep train. Good luck!
Window Contractor says
Thanks for the tips…my wife and I have a 5 week old that is not sleeping very much at night. She tends to sleep a bunch during the day and early AM. We are trying to switch her schedule but it is very difficult. She cries from 10-3 every night.
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