Sometimes I hear from parents who have tried Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution and have not been able to get it to work. This article will discuss possible reasons why sometimes it doesn’t work for a variety of families.
First, let me say that Pantley’s book The No Cry Sleep Solution has a lot of good information in it. It’s very helpful regarding the information on how babies sleep and the most common sleep problems. As with most books about sleep, it is over 200 pages and has a lot of common sense information in it that you’ve likely already tried.
I strive to save you as much time as possible. New parents rarely have time to read multiple 200+ page books! I tend to try to extract the most useful information from a variety of sources. I can then pass along this knowledge without you having to read 10 full-length books, endless websites, etc. Today, I talk about one important piece that is missing from Pantley’s book. That is about your baby’s temperament and personality and why that leads to her methods not necessarily working for your baby.
Pantley does talk about one of the most common sleep associations which is “sucking to sleep” by either breastfeeding, pacifier, or bottle. I would say the majority of parents I work with on a daily basis have one of these issues. The remaining parents need to rock, pat, sway, bounce, or walk their baby to sleep. Some people have to do a combination: bounce on a ball while feeding with one leg up, for example. 🙂 Pantley mostly focuses on the sucking to sleep association and, specifically, breastfeeding for the most part. She is a big proponent of Attachment Parenting and co-sleeping.
In a nutshell, Pantley’s “Gentle Removal Plan” is to give your baby the pacifier, bottle, or breast. Then continually remove it until your baby finally falls asleep without it in his mouth. On the surface, this is good advice and for some babies, it will work…eventually. Let’s consider why it won’t work for some babies or take so long that you wonder whether your baby simply outgrew it.
Have you ever tried to break a long-term habit? Let’s face it, your baby may only be 6 months old, but if she’s been breastfeeding to sleep her whole life, this is a long-term habit. For example, my mom has repeatedly tried to quit smoking. She just hasn’t been able to quit, unfortunately. Similarly, I’ve had friends who try to lose weight and they might lose some and then gain it back. I’m sure many of us can relate to breaking habits in one way or another.
One big thing about habits is that you can try to moderate yourself. You can try to smoke just one cigarette a day, for example. Or you can allow yourself to eat one piece of cake a week. But, what tends to spin us back into bad habits is that one leads to many. It isn’t that you are weak. It isn’t that you don’t want to change. Habits are hard to break and if you allow yourself one, you are giving yourself permission to say that it’s okay to “do” it.
Therefore, it’s hard not to continue your habit. If something isn’t good for you and moderating yourself hasn’t worked, you may have to think again. Tell yourself it’s never good for you and do not allow yourself to have it even once. It’s in our nature to want more. That’s why some diet plans tell you to throw away all of your sweets, for example.
Wait, does this mean you should never give your baby a pacifier or breastfeed him?
No! I am not saying that at all! In fact, it makes me sad when moms wean from breastfeeding only to find their baby still won’t sleep well. 🙁 But, what I am saying, is that when it comes to your baby’s sleep, you can’t “tease” your baby and give him the very thing you want him to stop waking ten times a night for. You can’t give it to him ten times at bedtime and expect him to “get” it that he doesn’t need it to sleep anymore. Granted, adaptable babies will often make quick changes that way, but this is where your baby’s temperament or personality comes into play.
Some babies simply do not respond to Pantley’s method, because the only thing you are truly teaching him is that he does need to suck to relax and fall asleep. You are only delaying your baby’s sleep. Instead, you want to teach him how to relax AND sleep without the pacifier, breastfeeding, bottle, rocking, etc. You want to replace his sleep association with something else, not reinforce he still needs it.
Going back to quitting smoking. My father, on the other hand, did quit smoking many years ago, but he replaced one habit for another. He now chews sugar-free gum almost EVERY time he gets in the car when he used to smoke. This has been over 10 years or more! (Side note: I am honored that what finally sparked my father to quit smoking is a paper I wrote when I was in High School. Who knew? :)) When someone is trying to change their chips-before-bed habit, they might try replacing it with carrot sticks. (They are crunchy too!) The idea is not to deprive yourself or your baby of a habit, the idea is to replace it with something more in line with your long-term goal.
Does this mean not to try Pantley’s No-Cry method?
No, it means it may be just the first step and you can still keep moving forward. While Pantley believes in “No Cry”, I tend to lean towards “Limited Crying.” I believe that when you attempt NO tears whatsoever, you’ll likely have little success unless your baby is super adaptable.
Sometimes, crying during sleep training is inevitable, but it doesn’t mean you have to do cry it out, either. I really hope people stop making it all about doing just one or the other. Instead, view sleep coaching as a continuum with no-cry on one end and full-blown cry-it-out at the other end. Your goal is to find the method that fits with your baby’s temperament on that continuum, not force your baby to be something he’s not. Embrace his uniqueness and you will have more success than you’ve dreamed of.
For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations. With all of our consultation packages, you will receive a personalized sleep plan you can feel good about and support along the way!
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Kirsty says
I’m not using Pantley’s pull off method as we weaned to bottle at 4 months for other reasons. My boy is now 8.5 months old and I was rocking him (in the cot) to sleep every time. For the last few weeks I’ve been gradually backing off what I do, which I started as it seemed a logical way to do it to me. I then read the No Cry Sleep Solution and it turns out I’m following her advice!! It seems to be working – Eamonn will now go to sleep with just ssshhing from me by his bed. Over the next few weeks I’ll be moving out of the room, and I hope it continues to work. She has some good advice – but like all advice, you need to take on board what works for you and say thanks but no thanks to the rest!
Adele says
Yea I kind of stopped. But then the 4 minutes turned into an hour, so I started picking him up again. Thanks for your input!! 🙂
Dana says
I tried Pantley`s system, and it didn`t work. i think the book didn`t present a plan easy to follow, so it was hard to know exactly what to do at each stage. Then, I tried Dana Oblemans’ Sleep Solution system, and it helped me to stop nursing overnight and to teach him to go to sleep ohis own. However my baby is 14 months now, and I`m still trying to sleep train him. Now I have been trying Nicole`s system for over a month, and he is still waiking up 3or 4 times a night, and waking up really early in the morning (3 or 4 am!!!). I really hope something works…. or he just outgrows it 🙂
Irene says
I had a very hard time with my baby the first 10 weeks of her life and tried to get my hands on every sleep baby book I could find. Babywise, Happiest Baby on the Block, Dr. Wisenbluth (?) , Pantley included. While some of the methods and suggestions in the book helped enlighten me as a new parent, none really worked for us. My daughter is now 4 months old and we have a pretty basic bedtime routine for her that we implented when she was around 9 weeks old. We feed, and rock her to sleep every night. She sleeps at least 6-10 hours on average every night. It’s rare she wakes up in the middle of the night now and if she does we know it’s because she has a dirty diaper or is truly hungry. I strongly believe that not everything works for every parent and EVERY SINGLE BABY is different. I now wish I could turn back and just do what worked for us, without worrying about “what the books say”. Just listen to your baby and trust that as a mom you’re doing the best you can.
Leila says
Pantley’s method worked beautifully for us. We methodically weaned our son through the night by letting him nurse 4 min on each side, then 3, then 2, then he slept right through.
When I read your article that many babies slept longer with a 4am feeding, I tried it so he’d sleep past 5:30. It worked for a while, but I was exhausted. I tried to eliminated that feeding and he was miserable – and then I realized – he was getting 6 teeth all at once. We brought back the 4am feeding to help him settle down.
The teeth are in now, so this morning we timed the feeding and will be doing 1 minute less per morning – Pantley’s method – until he sleeps right through. Hopefully it’ll work.
Beth says
I can’t tell you how many “Pantley Pull-Offs” I tried with our 2nd child – we did it for well over 2 months at every nap and bedtime, not only without any sleep success, but without getting him ANY closer to falling asleep without nursing until he was completely out. After several months of 7-8 wakings every night (and this was a baby who slept well the first few months after birth), I finally gave Ferber’s ideas a try and had some success. (He was around 8 months old by then.) I contacted Nicole for napping advice, because he was a poor napper as well – finally we established a schedule that worked and some techniques that actually had him napping enough during the day. He nursed until he was 16 months old, so it definitely didn’t affect our breastfeeding relationship.
I liked Pantley’s ideas, and I do recommend the book to friends (with some caveats) – but this article is so true. It just doesn’t work for all babies, no matter how patient you are.
Becky says
I also tried numerous books/websites/you-name-it, including the No-Cry Sleep Solution. My son was 10 months old, attachment parented, co-sleeping, and nursing to sleep with almost NO napping and 5-6 wake-ups per night. I found this site, emailed Nicole, and told her I would have nothing to do with my son crying to sleep. AT ALL. She was willing to work with me despite my willful attitude. By his 1-year birthday we were getting ready to move him into a crib in his own room! That’s 2 months. And, trust me, I saw notable improvements (such as finally taking 2 solid naps a day) within 2 weeks .. without my help! 🙂 Did I need to accept a little bit of crying in the end? Yes, I did. But please believe me: I was so very much against it and the first day when he cried for 30 minutes before going to sleep I thought I was going to quit. But, even though we had a couple of very shaky days, I worked through it with my son at the constant encouragement and comforting words from Nicole. I was always by his side through the tears. By the time I finally left him in his crib and walked out of the room (I’d say the whole “weaning” process (of not nursing him to sleep) took about 3 weeks) he would protest (cry hard) for about 30-45 seconds and then plop down and go to sleep. He is now 18-months old. We have successfully transitioned to one nap a day and made it through the time change – the first couple of major hurdles since our initial “training.” This website, and Nicole in particular, have been a blessing .. a REAL blessing .. to our family. If you are struggling with sleep and nothing else seems to be working, you sound like I did about 8-9 months ago. Try out the services The Baby Sleep Site has to offer. I am certain you will not walk away disappointed.
Adele says
Yes!! I started the Pantley pull off method and my already horrible sleep issues got a million times worse. I abandoned the book after I realized how ineffective and time consuming her methods are. There is a lot of good information, but I would only recommend that book to someone who is pregnant…or maybe had a 1 month old. Once the sleep associations are in place her method would not work. At least not for my baby. For what its worth, Ferber didn’t work either. Well I used Sleep Easy Solution which is similar. That eliminated the sleep association but he still woke up and cried for exactly 4 minutes. I didn’t have to do the check in, but it was still waking me up & I think 2 weeks of 4 minutes of crying multiple times a week was unacceptable. After 2 weeks of it not working I gave up on that too. If it takes longer than that, I just think that is ridiculous and I am not willing to do it. I think 2 weeks is a good try. And he occasionally sleeps through the night now. He is teething & going through a growth spurt now so I guess when that passes I’ll try something again.
Tonya says
I have tried Pantley’s gentle removal and it has not worked for my 9 month old son. He wakes up to nurse about 8 times a night. I would stay awake and fight with him over it all night until I finally gave and went back to laying down nursing so we could both get some sleep. I have read so many books and websites about different methods, I am more confused than ever. I would LOVE to sleep more than 2 consecutive hours but not enough to hear my son cry(scream) all night.
Haidi says
I follow attachment parenting and co-sleep with my 7mo baby. I haven’t read Pantley except for a few excerpts, but I basically “trained” my son to suck his thumb — after I unlatch — to sooth himself the rest of the way to sleep. I put “trained” in quotations because I don’t think I did anything. Like you say, I think he’s just adaptable.
Or I should say, WAS adaptable. Now he’s older, he has separation anxiety, and he’s more mobile and nimble. When he was younger, he didn’t have much choice — he would whimper for a few seconds and then find his thumb. Now he restrains me by pulling on my shirt and holding on to me.
Another thing I’m not sure works is PUPD. Isn’t that very stimulating?
Nicole says
@Haidi That sounds like a good first step! PUPD can be stimulating, but the idea is that it’s temporary and you are calming your baby down, so he can relax and go to sleep. It is not meant to be your long-term goal.
@Tonya Try to work on just bedtime to have your son learn to fall asleep without nursing (once the feeding is done, I mean) and see if you can make progress just at that time of the night before you move on to the rest of the night. Then, do the same thing the rest of the night.
@Adele Some night-waking is normal if it’s under 5 minutes between some sleep cycles (not every sleep cycle). Sometimes over-tiredness increases these brief wakings, but not always. They do outgrow those, eventually, but it could be as long as two years old. You might want to turn down your monitor, if you have one, so maybe you will not hear EVERY wake-up. I know how hard it is to sleep when you are jolted awake. Good luck! I don’t think you will be able to get rid of those brief wake-ups, so I don’t know that I would keep “sleep training” in your case. Sometimes, sleep is just not perfect.
@Becky You are one of my best success stories (you can find her complete story in the attachment parenting article)! Thank you so much for sharing your story with others and commenting again today. I’m so happy you and your family continue to sleep well!
@Beth Thank you for taking the time to share your story!
@Leila I’m so glad it worked for you and thank you for sharing your story!
@Irene Thank you for sharing your story. That’s so great your daughter is sleeping so well, now! I couldn’t agree more that all babies are truly unique and so is our sleep solution for them.
@Dana Oh no! Still waking overnight? What is he waking up for? In the big picture, we need to make it “not worth” waking in the middle of the night and it’s very easy to replace one association such as nursing with something else like patting or even our presence. Start the night how you want it to finish and 100% commit to that for a solid week and then move on to the rest of the night, if necessary. For some, however, bedtime can go just fine and you have to only work on the rest of the night. Try to be aware of how you might be accidentally reinforcing him waking up and try to stop that action, even if you just sit/lay there without much engagement. It’s hard to advise without all the details, but good luck!