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“Baby Falls Asleep Alone! Parents Overjoyed!”
Okay, so maybe the general public wouldn’t consider that the most amazing news headline in the world, but I’ll bet that for all of you sleep-deprived parents out there who are working on sleep training (and that’s pretty much all of you 🙂 ), you would LOVE to apply that headline to your story.
Good news – you can. And we can help.
Why Does Your Baby or Toddler Need To Learn To Fall Asleep Alone?
To put it simply, your baby or toddler needs to learn to fall asleep alone so that he can eventually (when he is developmentally ready) sleep through the night. There is no magical age at which all babies can sleep through the night, of course – that is dependent on so many factors. But until your baby knows how to fall asleep alone, without your help, he will struggle to sleep through the night (or to take long, restorative naps, for that matter).
5 Steps To Help Your Baby or Toddler Learn To Fall Asleep Alone
It isn’t exactly a small thing to teach your baby a brand new skill like falling asleep without help. That’s why we try to break the process down into manageable steps for the families with whom we work. Obviously, we can’t give all of you a consultation in blog article form, but we can give you an overview of what the 5 step process to helping your baby or toddler fall asleep alone looks like.
So, without further ado…here it is!
- Identify your baby or toddler’s sleep associations. Does your baby or toddler need to be rocked to sleep? Fed to sleep? Held to sleep? These are your little one’s sleep associations. Sleep training is simply the process of changing your baby or toddler’s sleep associations. Once you know the sleep associations, you know what to focus on while you sleep train.
- Wean from the swaddle and/or pacifier (if applicable, and if necessary). If your baby is heavily dependent on being swaddled for sleep, you will want to work on weaning her away from the swaddle before you start working on sleep training. Check out this article on how and when to stop swaddling for tips on how to do that. If your baby or toddler needs a pacifier to sleep, you might want to try weaning from it. This is only necessary for babies and toddlers who have a really strong dependency on the pacifier, though, and whose pacifier use is interfering with sleep. If you decide to wean from the pacifier, browse this article on how to stop pacifier use for tips.
- Create a sleep routine. Bedtime routines, and pre-nap routines, are great for promoting sleep. If you don’t already have one, create a consistent pre-sleep routine. You can read this article for bedtime routine tips, and this article about common bedtime routine mistakes you will want to avoid.
- Create a sleep training plan. All your hard work has led up to this point – time to create your own, personal sleep plan! Decide which sleep training method you want to use (you can look at a ‘cheat sheet’ of common sleep training methods, or download our free guide, 5 Ways To Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night here – both will give you the info you need to get started.) Next, decide how you want to approach sleep training. It is generally best to start with bedtime and then move to naps, although that’s not true in every case.
- Implement your plan with confidence and consistency for 2-4 weeks (depending on the method you choose). This is where the hard work comes in. Once you have your plan on paper, you need to implement it and then stick to it. We usually recommend that parents stick with a plan for at least a week (2 is better) before making any changes. Remember, your goal in sleep training is to teach your baby or toddler to fall asleep alone. This is a new skill for your little one – and new skills aren’t learned overnight! So stay consistent in your sleep training, and give your baby or toddler time to learn a new way to sleep.
Hey members – did you know you can download a workbook designed to help you create your very own Personalized Sleep Plan™? Log in and take a look!
Parents, if you follow these steps, you CAN teach your baby or toddler to fall asleep alone, without your help. And that will be the first step on the journey to rested nights and peaceful naps!
How did you teach your baby or toddler to fall asleep alone? Scroll down to share your tips with the rest of us, to ask questions, and to hear from parents just like you!
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Brian says
Great work.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Brian – thanks!!
Roseanne says
Hi! My situation is my 10 month old falls asleep fine at night around 7-730pm after his bottle. But he always wakes up around 3-5 times a night. Sometimes he will fall back asleep after a few minutes but most of the time will grow louder and louder. Since he was born, maybe he has slept through the night 3 times. At his 9 month check up they told me his blood work showed he was slightly anemic which is common when babies transition to solids. I’m wondering if this could be part of the night wakings? My nuitricionist suggested calcium magnesium drops before bed to help him sleep better but I haven’t given it to him yet. I tried the “cry it out” method the other night and he cried from 11pm-3am!!! He isn’t napping much at daycare. Most days it’s 2 of 30 min naps. I’m worried this lack of sleep is going to affect his health. Any suggestions??? Anything is appreciated. I am one desperate momma. Oh and btw he is still sleeping in our bedroom since we have a small apartment and waiting on a house. I don’t know if being so close to us has anything to do with it. I’m just thinking of whatever I can here.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Roseanne – Well, given that he’s only slept through the night 3 times since birth, it’s probably more likely that the night waking is habitual, and not related directly to the anemia (although you should, of course, talk to your sons’s doctor if you’re at all concerned about the anemia). Regarding the room-sharing…that’s a great sleeping arrangement in general, for young babies especially, but yes, some children do wake more frequently with mom and dad in the room. Transitioning him to his own room, especially when you’re ready to try sleep coaching again, should definitely help! And as for the erratic daycare naps – that may in fact be contributing to the nighttime waking. Overtired babies do tend to wake more often at night than rested babies. You might try an early bedtime to start, and creating a separate weekend nap schedule to help him catch up on missed sleep on the weekends.
For starters, if you haven’t already, you might try downloading our free guide, 5 Ways To Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night. That’ll get you started with some practical sleep coaching tips you can use right away 🙂
Hope this helps, Roseanne! Thanks for commenting!
Vicky says
Hi, my 11 month old has a nursing sleep association. I want to break this but when I put him down awake he just keeps standing up in his cot. Do you have any tips for getting past this? I normally just lie him straight back down and then he just stands straight back up again and 99% of the time after a while he tries to stand up and either trips or puts his hands through the bars and hurts himself. When he’s upset I then just give up and nurse him to sleep. I prefer a gentle method of sleep training, no crying if possible! Thanks for your help, I love this site.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Vicky – this is definitely tough! You could try increasing the ## of checks you do when he gets upset (like after he hurst himself); that way, you’re offering additional comfort at a time when it’s needed.
I’d also suggest you take a look at our free toddler guide (available here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/toddler-sleep-training-secrets-free-ebook/) There are FANTASTIC tried-and-true tips in there for toddler sleep coaching.
Thanks for commenting, Vicky – and best of luck to you and your family!
Emily DeJeu says
@ priyankka – you would change this sleep association by weaning him away from his need to be held. Some parents do this in a cold-turkey way, and that usually involves letting your baby cry it out. Other parents prefer a gentler approach, and they gradually wean their babies away from their sleep associations. There are lots of gentle methods out there you can try. You might want to check out our sleep training cheat sheet, available here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/5-baby-sleep-training-methods-explained/ You may also want to download our free guide, 5 Ways To Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night (https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-through-night-free-ebook/)
@ Debbie – good question! And this sounds like a tough situation, for sure. You might want to consider downloading our free guide, 5 Ways To Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night (https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-through-night-free-ebook/) — the info in there definitely applies to napping issues as well. I think you would find that a good place to start. Best of luck to you, Debbie – and thanks for commenting! 🙂
Debbie says
I am a nanny of a five month old and mother of 20 and 18 year olds. I worked from home and was able to raise my children. I love being a nanny and have such a happy baby. I am however having problems with him napping, He sleeps through the night from approx 10 pm until 6 am when most days mom wake him to nurse before she heads to work. I am told at night he goes into his crib sleepy but awake and naps in his crib on weekends. When I try putting him down sleepy but awake he is fussy at first and sometimes will play but ultimately screams for up to a half hour. I have tried going in to soothe him and also just the CIO for up to a half hour. Once I calm him down he falls asleep with me rocking him. I tried putting him back down and as I take one last looks he is smiling at me with his big blue eyes. I leave and his whimpering soon turns to screaming. I am beginning to wonder if sleeping on me is his comfort with mommy and daddy being away, is this possible? I really could use some tips and advice on this as I know it is not healthy for him to nap on me daily and for both naps lasting at least an hour. He is teething and I can tell the days he is not feeling well and needs cuddling, but not sure how to break the daily cycle of only napping when held the entire nap time.
Debbie says
I am a nanny of a five month old and mother of 20 and 18 year olds. I worked from home and was able to raise my children. I love being a nanny and have such a happy baby. I am however having problems with him napping, He sleeps through the night from approx 10 pm until 6 am when most days mom wake him to nurse before she heads to work. I am told he goes into his crib sleepy but awake. The morning route when I arrive is changing and dressing him for the day and play time. He normally gets a bottle around 9 to 9:30 and is visibly showing signs of being tired around 10. I have tried putting him in his crib which leads to a half hour of screaming and no sleep. I watch the time because I hate hearing him so upset. I’ll go in and settle him down by rocking and shushing. He can he sound asleep in my arms, and I’ve tried holding for 5 to more time to make sure he is sound asleep and no sooner then I’m standing up from laying him down he is looking up at me with a huge smile. I try shushing and patting him which leads to crying and have even just left the room which leads to the screams. He is fine when being held and sleeps for at least an hour. Any suggestions on how to get this little guy to sleep on his own in his crib for naps with the nanny? I’m at a loss and know holding him isn’t something that should be done dally. He is teething and I know when he needs the cuddles from not feeling well. Is it possible that I’m beginning to be his lovey or comfort with mommy and daddy gone?
priyankka says
Hey…thanks so much for the article. This has been on my mind since a few days as to how to make my 2 year old sleep by himself. Currently I need to hold him close to me and he falls asleep in about 10 mins. Can you please elaborate on step one as to how do I change his sleep association of being held…thanks once again.
Emily DeJeu says
@ Andrea and @ Christina Leschied — sounds like you both have some major nap woes! First, let me say that it’s not unusual for babies and toddlers to be good at night sleep, but not so good at nap sleep (or vice versa). Nap sleep and night sleep are actually controlled by different parts of the brain (see this article for more info on that: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-naps-2/why-baby-and-naps-different-than-night-sleep/)
As for how to fix this – I can’t make specific recommendations, since I’m not a consultant and since I don’t know the ins-and-outs of your specific situation. There could be a lot of factors at play here. @Andrea, there is a nap regression that happens around 11 or 12 months – most little ones start resisting the second nap around that time. But we usually urge parents to stick to a 2-nap schedule, since most toddlers aren’t ready for just one nap until closer to 15 months.
If you haven’t already, I’d point both of you to our free nap guide (https://www.babysleepsite.com/free-baby-nap-guide/) and to our nap e-Book (http://www.babynapswell.com – the book packages are discounted right now!!) You may also want to think about a personalized consultation, given that these problems are ongoing, and that you haven’t had success trying to solve them on your own. You could probably get by with one of the smaller packages, since night sleep is okay and you mainly need help with naps. You can see all our consultation packages here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/
Hope this helps, ladies! Thanks for reaching out, and don’t hesitate to comment again if you have further questions. Best of luck to both of you! 🙂
Christina Leschied says
my daughter has similar sleep issues right now, we did sleep train her and she now goes down for naps and bedtime without any crying, but now the problem is that she is only napping for a half hour some times an hour but the less sleep she gets during the day the earlier she seems to be waking up in the morning. So basically her cycle is she slowly gets less and less sleep every day in a 24 hour period and then becomes chronically tired. I know she is not getting enough because she is yawning and acting tired within an hour of waking. I don’t want to go back to 3 or 4 naps a day. For morning wake ups that are too early we have left her upwards to an hour and a half but she does’t ever fall back asleep or if she does it is for like 10-15 minutes. But like I said if we let her get up for the day she is ready to go back to seleep within an hour or so.
Andrea says
What about a baby who will put himself to sleep at night in 10 minutes or less and sleep 11.5 hrs consistently, but who will not do the same at nap time? Here are my current nap time woes. My 13 mo old was the perfect napper up until he turned 11 mos old. Right at that time he cut his first 4 teeth a d also had a upper respiratory infection during and after the 2 weeks of horrendous teething. I had to rock him through many naps just to keep some kind of schedule and so he was not so overtired that his night time sleep would suffer. We had one normal week of naps after that and everything has been haywire since. Over the last 3 weeks, it is taking 30 min to get him down for his morning nap if he’ll go down. If he does go down, he will nap 1-1.5 hrs. He has refused every last afternoon nap unless I just give in and rock him. He passes out on me in a few minutes. I thought maybe he was ready to transition to one nap. He previously napped from 10:15-11:45 and from 2:45-3:30, bedtime 7:45-8pm. Over the last month he has extended his nighttime sleep by about 45 min. So he sleeps from 7:45ish to 7:15ish, give or take 15 min. I tried the one nap transition at 11:45, 12:00, 12:15, 1:00. He slept 30, 40, 45 and today 25 min and woke up mad b/c this clearly was not enough sleep. I’ve let him CIO a bit and he will not go back to sleep. But again, he’ll pass out on me of I rock him b/c he is so tired. I’ve tried making his 2 naps later. Again, he won’t nap in the afternoon and he’s pretty cranky until bed time. The only consistent thing is when he wakes from his nap, by the time I can get to his crib, he has pooped. I also have a 2.5 year old, so sometimes this was 15 min. I have changed him in the dark and he will not go back down. Given this, is he ready to transition to one nap? If so, what am I doing wrong? Lastly, why can he put himself to sleep at night and not during the day? He has been sleeping through the night since he was 3 mos old.
CW says
Hey. I have an 18 month old who, pretty recently, was taking very short morning naps and would wake up inconsolable. We stopped doing the morning nap and he takes one nap sometime in the afternoon. If he wakes up at night then he would nap a little earlier and longer. We also moved bedtime up a bit too. My advice is to start a nap and bedtime routine. We have a nice meal, a cup of milk, and read 3-5 books, sometimes more, sometimes all the books. Give big hugs and lay him down. I take 20-30 minutes and sit across the room from his crib while he drifts to sleep with a music snuggy. Then I come cover him up and close the door. If he wakes up so inconsolable that even hugs won’t help, I talk to him, let him know I’m making him a cup of milk, then we sit down in the living room and cuddle til he’s ready to play. We play for 15-30 then read, big hugs, and nap again. If he doesn’t fall asleep within 20-30 minutes, I consider that quiet time and get him back out. However unless he falls asleep on the couch or car, we’ll skip any more naps and just go to bed early if we have to.