Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!
Why Sleep Train?
The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.
When Should You Start Sleep Training?
If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.
For newborns, it never hurts to try to put down your baby when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, and we outline newborn-friendly sleep coaching approaches in our e-book, Essential Keys To Your Newborn’s Sleep. (We also offer special newborn-focused Personalized Sleep Plans® as well!). As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is.
It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night.
That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything.
Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.
What’s My First Step?
Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.
What Does A Bedtime Routine Include?
The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), a book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out.
I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple of reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.
Get Personalized Bedtime Routine Help
A bedtime routine is a key part of any good sleep training plan. Need help creating one? Our consultants at The Baby Sleep Site® are bedtime routine experts! When you work win t a consultant, she will create a Personalized Sleep Plans® for your family that includes a bedtime routine customized to your schedule. Even better, once you have your Personalized Sleep Plan®, your consultant will walk you through each step of implementing it at home.
Sleep Resources That WORK
For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.
If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.
Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately!
You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.
Santoshi William says
Hi,
My son has turned 2 still he has sleeping issues.Earlier stage we thought its colic problem.Now he wakes up mid night and cry continously without opening his eyes for half an hour.i have almost tried everything with him.could you help me what would be his problem and how can i get him good sleep? I am afraid now he cries due to terror dreams.
Debbye @ The Baby Sleep Site says
Hi @Santoshi – Thank you for writing to us, and sorry to hear that your son is struggling with some night wakings! You’re not alone and we would love to help!If you haven’t already, we welcome you to peruse our blog with over 300 articles and free schedules. Making sure that he is getting enough day and night sleep and adjusting as needed may be a good first step. If you prefer to bypass some of the blog reading, we have e-Books and premium resources available where the research has been done for you. Or, for the fastest service, we have expert sleep consultants who can take a really in-depth look at his sleep history, and help you determine why your baby is not sleeping well.
You can read about all of our sleep consultation packages and purchase directly online here:
https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-toddler-sleep-consulting-services/
We do hope that things smooth out easily and quickly, no matter how you proceed! Hang in there and good luck!
Maria Martinez says
I have a 7 month old that will fall asleep but about 30-40 min later wakes and wants nothing but to be nursed. Once nursed he will go to sleep and wake up in another hour or so and stays awake for up to 2 hours before going to sleep again. Once he goes back to sleep he is awake every 3 hours to nurse. He will not go back to sleep without. Please help. I would have thought he would be sleeping through the night by now but he seems to be getting worse as he gets older.
Janelle Reid says
@Maria Martinez – Thank you for reading and sharing your story with us. I am so sorry to hear you have been struggling with frequent wake ups from your 7 month old. That is so tough. 🙁
It sounds like your 7 month old has some sleep associations that are keeping him from sleeping in longer stretches at night, so when he goes through a lighter sleep cycle he wakes up and needs to nurse in order to fall back asleep again. Here is an article that will explain his dependency on you a little further: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/sleep-association/
If you click through this article series you can see several different sleep training techniques if you think you would like to try. At this age we would still consider 1-2 nighttime feedings normal (some babies can sleep through the night at this age, it just varies) but anything beyond that is likely a sleep association.
For your reference, here is a link to a 7 month old schedule just to give you an idea of time between naps, how much sleep they need, as well as food: https://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/7-month-old-baby-schedule/
I hope this helps and you get some longer stretches soon! If you need more help with breaking these sleep associations, let us know! We would love to help.
Geneva says
I have a 7 week old. I want to get a good foundation on sleeping down ASAP. I have done everything wrong so far by letting him nurse to sleep. We aren’t sure if it is just to early to start sleep training. Would we benefit from the sleep consultant? We also have an almost 3 year old and we would like them to share a room at some point. Can baby sleep site help with that transition as well? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
Janelle Reid says
@Geneva, congratulations on your new baby! I hope the transition from 1 to 2 has been going well. If you haven’t yet, be sure to sign up to receive our free guide for newborns: https://www.babysleepsite.com/15-free-baby-sleep-facts-new-parents-must-know/
You may also like this article with gentle ways to help your newborn sleep better: https://www.babysleepsite.com/newborns/newborn-sleep-baby-tips-10/
We have an ebook all about establishing healthy habits through the first year you may be interested in. We even have it in bundles where you can add in personalized consulting as well.
Our team of sleep consultants would love to help you whenever you are ready! Our consultants always take into account the age of your baby when creating a plan so they will help you achieve goals that the baby is capable of. We don’t make blanket statements that all babies can sleep through the night by a certain age or anything. And they have much experience working with siblings and can definitely help with the transitioning of both kids into the same room when it’s time. To view the Essential Keys to Your Newborn’s Sleep and different bundles, please use the following link: https://www.babysleepsite.com/essential-keys-to-your-newborns-sleep/
If you have any more questions about our Personalized Consulting Services please email our team at [email protected] and they will be happy to send you more information. 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by and using the Baby Sleep Site as a resource for sleep help!
GG says
Hi,
I have a 1year old who doesnt sleep well at night, we have a bedtime routine which I tried to follow very strictly but everyday is a different story because my daughter wouldn’t go to bed the same time everyday, the time ranges from 9pm-10pm and she wouldn’t want to sleep earlier than that and by the time she’s in bed, I would be too exhausted to do anything else. I forgot to mention that we have to walk her around the house for her to fall asleep and some days she would just play and fall asleep on her own on the floor and then I would carry her to her crib and put her there. She would sleep in her crib for a good 2-4 hours and would wake up (I dont know why) and start crying, looking for me to hold her and I ended up bringing her to my bed because I am too tired to do anything else.
We tried the cry-out method but she would go on and on crying and ended up vomiting so we stopped and now I am lost, dont know what to do. I will be going for a job interview today and if I get the job, I don’t think I can be awake at night everyday and get up to go to work in the morning. I need help, any suggestions or recommendation anyone?
skye says
@cindy,
hey cindy, my daughter who was one at the tiem was havign the same problem, my health nurse suggesting gradually putting less and less milk by 10, 20 or thirty mls, in the bottle at a time and once it gets down to only 30 mls thats when you can just drop that feed altogethr, and when they wake for the bottle just go in and pat his/her back or somethng,
it worked for me, so thought i would suggest it to you, and i hope it helps as i know how grumpy it makes us with lack of sleep 🙂
good luck!
Sarah says
i Just wanted to say what a relief it was to find your site. You have helped us so much to understand and start to help our 3 month old. We are very lucky. She sleeps for a solid and uninterrupted time at night (she loves a bath at night) and have been practising a bedtime routine for almost 1 month now. The issue was her naps. They were often too short and she became overtired. Your site enabled me to start teaching her lots of different ways to sleep. In a sling, in her bed, in the stroller and now she sleeps so well. We are still working on her transitions after about 45 mins of sleep though but as you rightly point out this is a matter of sleep maturity which cannot be rushed. So THANKYOU!!! Your site is Number 1
Nicole says
@Sarah Thank you!!! You’re welcome! 🙂
Fiorella says
Hi Sarah! I have a 4 month-old and I have the same problem, his naps are too short. Would you mind telling me which posts did you find helped you teaching her what you mention, of different ways to sleep, so I can read them too?
Thank you!
Neosha says
@Fiorella – Thank you for reading – we’re hopeful that you, too, will find our site helpful! To get you started, here’s a general overview of helping your 4-month old sleep better! https://www.babysleepsite.com/how-to-get-my-baby-to-sleep/how-to-get-my-4-or-5-month-old-to-sleep/ Don’t hesitate to let us know if you need any further support.
Cindy Norton says
I have a one year old, who is an absolute pleasure, except when it comes to sleep. I have tried sleep training before, and there is always such drama,screaming, coughing and crying that I’m not sure it is working. I tried consistently for 10 days but there was little improvement. I have now given up, and resorted back to getting up three times a night and giving him a bottle on demand. I’m at my wits end and not sure what to do from here. Should I attempt sleep coaching again, even though it upsets my child so much, or do you have other suggestions. Also I was advised by my baby clinic that I should start watering down his night bottles as he shouldn’t need them at this stage… what is your opinion on this?
I have a really good night time routine, which works, it really is just the night time wakings and his day naps. His day naps are virtually impossible to get him down, no matter where we are.
Please Help!!!! 🙁
Nicole says
@Cindy Watering down a bottle does not really help, usually, as you are replacing one sleep association for another, probably. There is a lot in between accepting where you are and cry it out. I would need to know more details to give you specific advice, though. You may want to consider sleep consultations. Thank you for commenting!
ceruleluna says
I read the nap article and the sleep series (1-4).
I have a 6 month old and naps are becoming shorter and less reliable. I thought I was just cursed with a baby that takes short naps — but now I realize that he is over-tired. I knew he was tired, but he would only sleep for 1/2 an hour and I was so puzzled. But if I took a nap with him, he would sleep longer. We do not co-sleep at night (and luckily he has been sleeping through the night since he was 2 months). However, in the morning, he wakes up, I would nurse him back to sleep so I could sleep longer. This evolved into nursing him to sleep for naps and now he is starting to have difficulty going to sleep at night, whereas he used to go to bed with no problem (we have a nighttime routine). I started nursing him for naps out of laziness, I suppose. I knew I shoudln’t, but I knew he was tired and I needed to get things done, so I just did it. Now I realize the great mistake it is. i also never paid attention to the amount of time between naps. So I am sure he is awake too long and is over-tired and can’t get to a restful state. (He is a very active boy).
Anyway, I realized I should have a nap routine! Just like I put him to sleep at night — nurse to a drowsy state and then into the crib, I should do it during the day too.
Thanks.
Nicole says
@Ambajam Thank you for reading and I’m glad you are finding the site useful. I look forward to further comments on the series.
Nicoles last blog post..Sleep Training (From No Cry to Cry) Series – Part 1
Ambajam says
I love the idea of a bedtime routine. Cuddling up with your favorite blanket and drifting off to sleep sounds so soothing. Thank you for the tips you are sharing. I will follow the rest of the series.
Ambajams last blog post..1